Art of Manliness

why I get pissed off

Here are scenarios that have happened within the past 3 years.

1. I helped out my ex- let her stay here when her mom kicked her out, took her wherever she wanted, supported her decision to go back to school, defended her against slander, etc. She comes by and says we would be better off as friends, then proceeds to not talk to me for a month. I keep getting shit on by people I help.

2. I help my parents with whatever they need, but when I need help, no one is there. I get insulted by siblings when I try to help them.I don't even feel like a part of my own family.

3. a friend had a week of vacation and we usually do something. He did not call or leave a message. Instead he is always occupied with his slutty g/f who he constantly complains about. I have listened to his sob stories and you would think he could spend some time with his best friend.

4. I cant afford to move away, and I feel trapped. Been reaching for success ,trying my damnedest and every time I fall on my face while I see others who put in not even half the effort walk away getting the job done.

Most days it feels like everything I do is pointless and I'll remain in a hole no matter how hard I try to claw my way out.

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Comment by Scott Omega on December 10, 2011 at 10:46pm: Jacob, what makes you think you have any effect on me? I have been thru hell and met people much worse than you imagine yourself to be.

Comment by Jacob Bauer on December 10, 2011 at 10:42pm: Okay, Scott. Here's the deal. You're a fucking magnet for this stuff. We like to torment you because you lash out at everybody with even the slightest provocation. You whine and cry over everything. You never let anything go.

I know people like you. I suspect it's because you want everybody to like you, support you, and that's where you draw your strength from... the approval and support of other people. You're basically letting people dictate your happiness for you. You need to knock that shit off.

I know it's hard. You probably don't know any other way to live. You've been conditioned by parents, teachers, and friends to do anything to please them, to base your happiness on their approval, and now you've carried that behavior onward in life and people are basically taking advantage of it.

I recommend you practice some meditation techniques, or something, to get your emotions under control, to eliminate that tightening in your chest when you see or hear somebody laughing at you or disapproving of you. Once you got that down, you need to find a new center, something else to base your happiness on that can't be impacted so easily by careless people.

I hope you try it.

Comment by Chuck Knight on November 5, 2011 at 10:16pm: I'll second what Jacob said...it makes sense. But, thankfully, it doesn't have to all be done with one stroke of the brush.

I know it sounds hollow, right now, but things *can* get better. They really can. And, if I were you, I would start by finding another friend. Having in place a support system, would be very helpful...some of the choices you are going to make will be difficult.

And, of course, this community will be here for you as well. Notice. You and I have *never* seen eye to eye...and yet even your biggest critic is here, trying to help you through this difficult time. That should say something to you. Heck, it should help you feel better, if nothing else.

You are a worthwhile person. What can we do to help?

Comment by Jacob D. Nolan on November 5, 2011 at 7:42pm: Cut ties with the ex. Period. Paragraph. If you are saying "Yeah, but . . ." then give up and be crapped on forever. Cut ties. It will hurt. It will be hard. Do it. You have to.

Lay down the law with the family.

Find a different friend.

Respect yourself enough to NOT tolerate the crap that is raining down on you. People treat you the way you allow them to. Stop allowing it. Be assertive. Have dignity. Be a man.

Comment by Scott Omega on November 5, 2011 at 7:17pm: tired of constant setbacks, tired of being alone and broke, tired of trying to reach people but they dont hear me.

Comment by Chuck Knight on November 1, 2011 at 1:21pm: Scott. It's been two days.

How are you doing? You seemed somewhat despondent when you wrote this message...it's appropriate to ask some follow up questions. Are you feeling better?

Comment by Chuck Knight on October 31, 2011 at 9:26am: I knew you had a good heart, Scott. Every single thing yo ulisted shows that you are a kind and generous person who cares deeply for others. I knew it!

OK, here's the usual platitude. What you're doing now isn't working, so you need to do something different. As you did not give enough details, I can only push you in a general direction. It seems that you are always there for others, but they aren't there for you. You're a giving person...they're users. By definition, those are parasitic relationships, and you need to exert some control in those situations. It will be difficult for you, especially at first, because it will be unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but give it a try.

As to the "what I'll do next" comment...you know what that kind of talk sounds like. I hope you don't mean what I think you mean. If so, find help NOW!!! We may often disagree, but I would never wish harm to come to you...please, get help now.