Tomorrow I leave work directly to begin the journey to the New Warrior Training Weekend.

There, I typed it. The very name embarrasses me; I detest the word “new”, so overly used in marketing. And warrior; even worse. Brings to mind elementary school teams, loincloths, spears, and worst of all, fighting.

So why am I going? Well, thanks to the many men here I now know this event exists, why it may be good for me. And most importantly, in your email challenges over the week, you have made me gel in my mind what I want to get out of it.

I’ll try to forget the name.

Lots of emotions surfacing this week; from anger at the fact I’m so screwed up I feel the need to try this, to fears that this may be some sort of brainwashing, pod-exchange, or organ harvest. Has anyone counted the kidneys on the guys coming back from these things?

I feel irritable, getting annoyed at every little glitch in the registration process, and it hit me. I have told no one in real life except my wife I am going. So I have to go around bottling up my anxieties like nothing is going to happen this weekend, then show up at work on Monday like after any other weekend.

Shame is at the root of that; I am ashamed I need to go, ashamed I crave contact with other men. I project others will look at it negatively as well. There’s me, trying to not make any waves, stay in the background, avoid any controversy.

I see myself as a hobbit, who dislikes adventures and prefers his familiar hearth and garden, about to go on one. He’s afraid of what his relatives and friends will think, so he keeps it quiet. Mad Carl, going off on an adventure, how absurd!

Well, I am going. I go to seek and do battle with a monster, the one within me. He is old, strong and terrible to behold.

Wish me luck.

Views: 72

Comment

You need to be a member of Art of Manliness to add comments!

Join Art of Manliness

Comment by Art on October 5, 2013 at 10:48am
When all is said and done upon your return, Carl, may this weekend be the very thing you needed in your life . . . it is your strength and resolve that took you there. Art
Comment by Tim on October 5, 2013 at 9:07am

Thinking of you this weekend, man. "Mad Carl"? Hardly. Strong Carl.

Comment by Carl Monster on October 4, 2013 at 7:25am

Sorry to hear that Davis.

Wonderful, what kids can do!

And thanks.

Comment by Davis on October 3, 2013 at 7:41pm

Carl,

If it is any encouragement, I've had my own battles this week and they have been BIG. It took my 7 year old grandson to encourage me when he was lying on his bed this afternoon and I was in my recliner as he said, "Papa,  'a penny for your thoughts'." Here I was his grandfather, his teacher, his mentor and he pulled me out of my anger and my struggle. Thus, I pray that whatever the weekend brings, it will at least bring some comfort and encouragement for you to stay in the battle.

Good Luck!

Davis

Latest Activity

Profile IconDavid Xtra and The Sage_KS joined Ryan's group
Thumbnail

Man Bags

Will your Grandkids fight over your leather bag when you're dead? Do people stop you to ask where you got your bag? This group is for people who love their bags, want leather maintenance tips or just want to share their personal bag story.See More
17 minutes ago
Davis replied to Chip DeWitt's discussion Anyone Taking Testosterone - Good? Bad? Looking for more info and personal experience with the stuff.
"Dear Chip, I weighed in on this discussion on another thread about three years ago. Legitimate testosterone replacement therapy should be prescribed by a medical doctor and then be monitored. After I had a massive heart attack in 2000, my primary…"
27 minutes ago
StaggerLee replied to StaggerLee's discussion Anyone know what breed this might be?
"4 Month update. On his way to being a beast! General opinion of breeders and vets we've encountered regarding breeds is mastiff/shepherd mix. "
36 minutes ago
Penelope replied to Andrew's discussion What Happened to Communication, Face-to-Face?
"Carry permits are impossible to get in San Francisco.  The Sheriff, etc., are on record that they're not going to issue any permits, and the usual public interest law firms are looking for a plaintiff to challenge these policies, but they…"
36 minutes ago
Walter B. Pewen commented on Ian Wilson's group Out to Build Bridges
"That's a tall order-all those named categories, whatever they mean.  In my generation you'd just go to a Stones concert, watch Mick, and call it a night.  Seriously, it sounds interesting."
43 minutes ago
Michael D. Denny replied to Andrew's discussion What Happened to Communication, Face-to-Face?
" Still don't know what you're supposed to do if you see a gun on public transit. If you just see it? nothing.  Is it being wielded and waved about in a threatening manner?  Center mass and double tap. "
52 minutes ago
Ian Wilson commented on Ian Wilson's group Out to Build Bridges
"shameless plug: http://biresource.net/recognize_bimensbook.shtml pre-order soon for a discount. "Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men" is a collection of short fiction, poetry, creative nonfiction, personal narratives, critical essays and…"
54 minutes ago
Ian Wilson commented on Frost's group For all Northern brothers
"i'm not from these parts, but i LOVE the Nordic/Scandinavian culture.  and it is likely in my blood.  i just spent two weeks in southern Sweden and a day in Copenhagen.  i LOVED it!!"
58 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service