Tomorrow I leave work directly to begin the journey to the New Warrior Training Weekend.

There, I typed it. The very name embarrasses me; I detest the word “new”, so overly used in marketing. And warrior; even worse. Brings to mind elementary school teams, loincloths, spears, and worst of all, fighting.

So why am I going? Well, thanks to the many men here I now know this event exists, why it may be good for me. And most importantly, in your email challenges over the week, you have made me gel in my mind what I want to get out of it.

I’ll try to forget the name.

Lots of emotions surfacing this week; from anger at the fact I’m so screwed up I feel the need to try this, to fears that this may be some sort of brainwashing, pod-exchange, or organ harvest. Has anyone counted the kidneys on the guys coming back from these things?

I feel irritable, getting annoyed at every little glitch in the registration process, and it hit me. I have told no one in real life except my wife I am going. So I have to go around bottling up my anxieties like nothing is going to happen this weekend, then show up at work on Monday like after any other weekend.

Shame is at the root of that; I am ashamed I need to go, ashamed I crave contact with other men. I project others will look at it negatively as well. There’s me, trying to not make any waves, stay in the background, avoid any controversy.

I see myself as a hobbit, who dislikes adventures and prefers his familiar hearth and garden, about to go on one. He’s afraid of what his relatives and friends will think, so he keeps it quiet. Mad Carl, going off on an adventure, how absurd!

Well, I am going. I go to seek and do battle with a monster, the one within me. He is old, strong and terrible to behold.

Wish me luck.

Views: 65

Comment

You need to be a member of Art of Manliness to add comments!

Join Art of Manliness

Comment by Art on October 5, 2013 at 10:48am
When all is said and done upon your return, Carl, may this weekend be the very thing you needed in your life . . . it is your strength and resolve that took you there. Art
Comment by Tim on October 5, 2013 at 9:07am

Thinking of you this weekend, man. "Mad Carl"? Hardly. Strong Carl.

Comment by Carl Monster on October 4, 2013 at 7:25am

Sorry to hear that Davis.

Wonderful, what kids can do!

And thanks.

Comment by Davis on October 3, 2013 at 7:41pm

Carl,

If it is any encouragement, I've had my own battles this week and they have been BIG. It took my 7 year old grandson to encourage me when he was lying on his bed this afternoon and I was in my recliner as he said, "Papa,  'a penny for your thoughts'." Here I was his grandfather, his teacher, his mentor and he pulled me out of my anger and my struggle. Thus, I pray that whatever the weekend brings, it will at least bring some comfort and encouragement for you to stay in the battle.

Good Luck!

Davis

Latest Activity

J. D. replied to Andrew's discussion Interesting Article: 'Men Suck At Friendship'
"In my experience, I have found it to be true that most men really do suck at friendship in a big way.  I don't pretend to understand why or have a grasp on all the personal and social issues and pressures that may or may not be…"
11 minutes ago
Jones joined Colton Wilson's group
Thumbnail

Boyhood Restored

I believe that boys should use their time primarily to prepare for manhood. This group is for young men, dads, and other men who have opinions they'd like to share on how boys should grow up or be raised.
1 hour ago
John Muir replied to John Muir's discussion Bulk Shopping For Staples
"I drink a lot of probiotic yogurt and pop the fiber pills... I don't want to get too gross but suffice to say that were my toilet to write a customer review on Amazon, it would say "The package arrived on time and in the desired…"
1 hour ago
John Muir replied to Andrew D, USA Ret's discussion Militias, politics, anti-2nd amendment hysteria and the Bundy issue in the group The Great Debate
"There was no mockery in my reply to your bizarre, paranoid, flat-out wrong description of the circumstances surrounding the closure of the refinery. Just facts 'n' stuff.  I really think you should get "men skilled in the…"
2 hours ago
Pale Horse replied to Andrew D, USA Ret's discussion Militias, politics, anti-2nd amendment hysteria and the Bundy issue in the group The Great Debate
"I'll see your Grayson and raise you a Wasserman-Schultz."
2 hours ago
Vytautas replied to Zachary Gougar's discussion Greek help in the group The Philhellenes
"What verbs or nouns specifically are you wrestling with?"
3 hours ago
Andrew D, USA Ret replied to Andrew D, USA Ret's discussion Militias, politics, anti-2nd amendment hysteria and the Bundy issue in the group The Great Debate
"Amazing, Johnny - something we can agree on."
3 hours ago
Andrew D, USA Ret replied to Andrew D, USA Ret's discussion Militias, politics, anti-2nd amendment hysteria and the Bundy issue in the group The Great Debate
"J.L.P:  "In contrast to you, I could not possibly care less about your opinion of me. Positive or negative." On the contrary, Johnny.  You crave attention.  You are just as narcissistic as you claim Josh to be, and who you…"
3 hours ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service