Tomorrow I leave work directly to begin the journey to the New Warrior Training Weekend.

There, I typed it. The very name embarrasses me; I detest the word “new”, so overly used in marketing. And warrior; even worse. Brings to mind elementary school teams, loincloths, spears, and worst of all, fighting.

So why am I going? Well, thanks to the many men here I now know this event exists, why it may be good for me. And most importantly, in your email challenges over the week, you have made me gel in my mind what I want to get out of it.

I’ll try to forget the name.

Lots of emotions surfacing this week; from anger at the fact I’m so screwed up I feel the need to try this, to fears that this may be some sort of brainwashing, pod-exchange, or organ harvest. Has anyone counted the kidneys on the guys coming back from these things?

I feel irritable, getting annoyed at every little glitch in the registration process, and it hit me. I have told no one in real life except my wife I am going. So I have to go around bottling up my anxieties like nothing is going to happen this weekend, then show up at work on Monday like after any other weekend.

Shame is at the root of that; I am ashamed I need to go, ashamed I crave contact with other men. I project others will look at it negatively as well. There’s me, trying to not make any waves, stay in the background, avoid any controversy.

I see myself as a hobbit, who dislikes adventures and prefers his familiar hearth and garden, about to go on one. He’s afraid of what his relatives and friends will think, so he keeps it quiet. Mad Carl, going off on an adventure, how absurd!

Well, I am going. I go to seek and do battle with a monster, the one within me. He is old, strong and terrible to behold.

Wish me luck.

Views: 88

Comment

You need to be a member of Art of Manliness to add comments!

Join Art of Manliness

Comment by Art on October 5, 2013 at 10:48am
When all is said and done upon your return, Carl, may this weekend be the very thing you needed in your life . . . it is your strength and resolve that took you there. Art
Comment by Tim on October 5, 2013 at 9:07am

Thinking of you this weekend, man. "Mad Carl"? Hardly. Strong Carl.

Comment by Carl Monster on October 4, 2013 at 7:25am

Sorry to hear that Davis.

Wonderful, what kids can do!

And thanks.

Comment by Bede, the Venerable on October 3, 2013 at 7:41pm

Carl,

If it is any encouragement, I've had my own battles this week and they have been BIG. It took my 7 year old grandson to encourage me when he was lying on his bed this afternoon and I was in my recliner as he said, "Papa,  'a penny for your thoughts'." Here I was his grandfather, his teacher, his mentor and he pulled me out of my anger and my struggle. Thus, I pray that whatever the weekend brings, it will at least bring some comfort and encouragement for you to stay in the battle.

Good Luck!

Davis

Latest Activity

Shane replied to Braeden 2.0's discussion Attractions to other Cultures and Revulsion towards other Cultures
"We also caught them shooting their kids in the back of the head to gain access to our bases."
21 minutes ago
Portnoy replied to Sir's discussion Polarization, "violent rhetoric" in the group The Great Debate
"I've been that guy once. It didn't even hit me that there was a storm coming and I went just to get some beer. Couldn't believe the madhouse and how the bread and water aisles were empty."
40 minutes ago
Lumberjoe replied to Braeden 2.0's discussion Attractions to other Cultures and Revulsion towards other Cultures
"What the fuck?"
49 minutes ago
Lumberjoe replied to Sir's discussion Polarization, "violent rhetoric" in the group The Great Debate
"Different realities up here. If the power goes out during the summer, we're not too worried. If the power goes out during the winter, we might die. Food can just go outside and freeze solid and therefore keep. For water, we can just bring snow…"
50 minutes ago
Sir replied to Sir's discussion Polarization, "violent rhetoric" in the group The Great Debate
"Milk and bread:  every time it snows, I hear something along the lines of which makes me think (but not say) 1.  You were there too, so if it's stupid to be there the day before a snowstorm... 2.  Weather report tells us…"
51 minutes ago
Shane replied to Braeden 2.0's discussion Attractions to other Cultures and Revulsion towards other Cultures
"As in, when their little kids misbehave, they take their feet and hold them in the fire."
53 minutes ago
Sir replied to Braeden 2.0's discussion Attractions to other Cultures and Revulsion towards other Cultures
"I'd totally try the first."
59 minutes ago
Sir replied to Braeden 2.0's discussion Attractions to other Cultures and Revulsion towards other Cultures
"Don't experiment.  Don't learn things that aren't in school.  Don't try new things."
1 hour ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service