I have thought for a while as to how I was going to share this information, and there is no good way. I have always worked hard to be a good man, a fair man, an honest man. I have given my all to being a good husband . I have partnered with my wife on many levels, shared with her, made decisions with her, suffered with her, raised our children with her and listened to her.
Apparently this has not been enough for her. She has filed for divorce. She says she is miserable , and though I have made many requests is unwilling to go to counseling. I still love her, even though she has not been a perfect wife. Neither have I been a perfect husband. So after 24 years of marriage she has had enough. she wants more, she wants to explore, but outside of our marriage.
I feel as if I have simultaneously been kicked in the ass and punched in the gut. I saw things deteriorate, but wanted to work on their repair.But she did not want to. WE had the usual financial and kid problems that often cause couples problems. I thought we could work through them.
I used to look at the people I represented and thank the heavens that my marriage would never end that way. But those times passed. Our daughter just graduated high school, and will be off to college,and our son will be a high school junior in the fall. My wife understands now that we are going to share custody of him equally, as that is what he wants. He treasures his relationship with both parents. I worry that my daughter will feel like a displaced person with no home. We are going to put our house on the market, and the only home our children have ever known will be sold.
So now I have to take the advice I give to every other man I represent. I will not check my balls at the door. I will assert my wishes and expectations. I will get counseling help. I will not allow myself to continue to live in despair or live a life denying myself of the things I want.I will not denigrate my wife to my children. They are a reflection of us both. I'm not going to blame myself, but will take responsibility for whatever I did to contribute to this state of my marriage. I don't hate my ywife or hate women. I don't want to be alone. I want love in my life.
This year has sucked. It has been too full of grief and sadness. I wish could turn back time. I can't WE all have to move forward, and I will . This is a new chapter , and a new opportunity in my life, although I could have left this volume on the shelf.
I know that some of you look to me for advice. I appreciate it, and am happy to share the wisdom I may have gained from my experience. I'll continue to share with you. At the moment, I am still looking for my own answers.