should I help younger brother become smoker?

Hi guys,

I am a proud smoker as many men are and caught my 16 year old younger brother smoking behind the garage when I went to visit my parents. Leif you are a smoker could you teach me how to become a real addicted smoker.  He is becoming a man I guess.

What should I do?

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Comment by Leif Gunnar Selberg on July 26, 2013 at 9:29am

Well guys,

I told him to stop if he still could. Why he said but you love smoking so I told him it is unhealthy and a pain at times. Your body will want you to smoke but nowadays you are hardly allowed to smoke anywhere any more. 

Yesterday I went to visit my parents and Thor, my brother, and my dad were in the back yard and both of them smoking. I guess he did not listen and now is the addicted smoker he wanted to be as he smokes a pack of Marlboro Reds a day now.

Comment by Leif Gunnar Selberg on May 20, 2013 at 7:54am
Hi guys ,
By proud smoker I mean that I don't hide the fact that I smoke and I know I am an addict but most of the times really enjoy smoking
Comment by Lucius Artorius Castus on May 20, 2013 at 5:00am

lol Did you notice the part about running 2 bars and a restaurant.... Its been a long year. Not counting the fact that I spent Feb 18-April 28 lost in a bottle... But thanks for the Welcome. Caused much trouble recently?

Comment by Lucius Artorius Castus on May 20, 2013 at 4:45am

Knock the fuck out of him.

I am a 27 year old proud smoker of 2 packs a day of Camel non-filters. I run two bars and a restaurant, already divorced, re-married and almost divorced again, with three kids... Smoking will put me in an early grave, but so will the amount of stress and alcohol that goes into my system. 

I started smoking at 9 years old, because I thought it was manly, i thought it was cool. When I actually became a man, I realized that smoking has nothing to do with it. So I quit for 2 years. Now I smoke because I enjoy it. I like the taste, that repetitiveness... It is my one vice, and as a grown man I made the choice to pick back it up. The fact that both of you think its cool and manly means that neither of you are mature enough mentally to have made the choice to end your life early.

Comment by Chuck Knight on May 20, 2013 at 1:16am

He obviously equates smoking with maturity, and sees tobacco as his rite-of-passage.  And he's emulating his male role models.


As an addict, you personally know the pleasures AND the pitfalls of smoking.  If he is choosing to become an addict, it is likely that he does not understand the pitfalls.  He is, after all, just a "stupid kid" who is looking up to his big brother, and who thinks that smoking is a grown-up thing.


You're in a unique position.  He is actively asking for your help, and that gives you a significant amount of influence.  I would suggest that you consider both sides, and make up your own mind.  


Speaking for myself, I would suggest discouraging an addiction.  Come up with some other rite of passage, instead...consider camping, walkabout, tattoo, piercing, bungee jumping, or any number of other possibilities.  But make it one that is not so filthy a habit as a smoking addiction.

Comment by Todd Serveto on May 19, 2013 at 10:02pm

Forgive me, but I'm having a hard time deciding whether or not this is a serious post on three counts: First of all, you call yourself a "proud smoker"...what's to be proud of, Leif? Tobacco addiction is a costly, health-destroying vice. I can see a silly kid not realizing that, especially when he still has the illusion that it makes him look tough or he's still insecure about manhood and thinks it makes him look "emancipated".  But I'm assuming you're old enough to see past those misconceptions.  A teenager with a cigarette just looks like a dumb kid who smokes, not like the big, tough man he's pretending to be.

Secondly, you say he asked you how to become a "real, addicted smoker".  That's when I think, "this can't be real".  Who in his right mind wants to be an addict---and for THAT matter, WHO NEEDS LESSONS to become one?  Addiction happens automatically--more quickly for some people, not at all for a rare few---but if he REALLY wants to become a nicotine addict, he needs his head examined, not his brother to teach him to become one.

Finally, the last line about takes the cake as being the most ridiculous part to your post, and the part that makes this seem like either a fantasy of yours, some kind of a joke, or a troll post--and I'm not sure what.  A kid smoking who wants to become a "real addicted smoker" is NOT "becoming a man"---he's showing that he is still very much a kid...and knows it!  That's why he's having to "play grown-up" by trying to become a tobacco addict.  You're his older brother, and you can't see through that?  Suspicious to say the least, my friend.

A kid who gets caught smoking behind the garage by his older brother is overdue for a good, man-to-man talking-to.  You need to be helping him get out of the trap.  You could do that by explaining how YOU fell into it.  I agree with what another poster has said---why not ask your kid brother to help you quit, rather than helping him to become an addict.

Comment by Sir on May 19, 2013 at 3:46pm


Comment by Ted A. Hunt on May 19, 2013 at 2:08pm

I'd say it could depend on what he wants to smoke and whether it's legal where you live - but assuming you mean tobacco cigarettes, Silviu Ilyevich Tulbya says it all. It's said that breaking a tobacco addiction is more difficult than an addiction to heroin. Why go there?

From the wise old age of 55, I'd like to add that balance and context have a lot to do with adult decision making. I live with a painful degenerative condition that often makes life hell, but by itself will never kill me. I can't escape its effects, but I can choose things which in moderation counterbalance its miseries. So I enjoy an occasional cigar or a little whiskey in a mug of coffee. If marijuana becomes legal where I live, I'll add that to the menu. To take it or leave it seems like something I've always been able to do, but for many people that's just not the case.

Back to your posting: Can a 16 year old make decisions like that? My mother-in-law smokes one cigarette per day, around bedtime. She's the only one smoker I've known who wasn't eventually fighting tobacco. May I leave you to consider whether a better course of action would be to ask your younger brother to help you quit? Growing up entails more than new liberties. Most often it means manning up to do the hard things we have to do. When you're both way older than I am now, you'll almost certainly be glad you did.

Comment by Silviu Ilyevich Tulbya on May 19, 2013 at 2:02am

I don't mean to test your pride, but, what do you mean? You are a "proud" smoker?

I'll tell you what I see every day. Old guys, teens, x-gens, coming into where I work as a cashier, spending $8.00+ a pack on something that 1. stinks 2. is addictive 3. They don't really enjoy (so why? see #2) 4. is taking $8.00 from somewhere else in their lives. and 4. it's worse than other "bad" things are for you. worse. ...And you know it.

That being said, your younger brother has obviously been deceived (or has deceived himself) into thinking that this can become part of his personal identity, his title, signature, his manly "bearing." But I'll tell you what, that lighted tip means nothing to your bearing when your mind is dull as a bum's, or you're some scamp, unable to produce so much as the cash you need to pay for those cigarettes you'll be unable to live without 10 years down the road. And sure, many a smoker has more to him than his smoking, but I trust you can "feel" my point. The best route is to try to destroy his idea that smoking can get him some respect, and turn his mind to real achievements. Why was he behind the garage in the first place? Nothing productive or at least beneficial for him to do? What is his life, some kind of joke?

It's time to get serious about our youth. I say so because I am one myself. There's enough waste, nonsense, and general lack of keenness in decisions in our generation. Everything's in the gray. Be a man and clear it up a bit. Be a man and give him some solid advice: find something else for your mouth, for your bearing, for your mark.

And that's what I have to say about that.

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