Let's be Partners. What do you say?

...It starts out something like this:
"I've got a great business idea, and if we pool our talents and resources, we can't lose! Let's be partners. What do you say??"

Well, I say yes. I fall for that line every time! In fact, I've said 'YES!" multiple times over the years. I've had 3 different business partnerships, and after a few years, each ended in typical "train wreck" fashion. Now let me think. What's that saying? Oh yea... "What is the definition of Insanity? Answer: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So that explains it. I'm INSANE!

OK. Not insane. But certainly guilty of being overly optimistic; not to mention just plain ole naive. Oh, and maybe I'm incapable of ever "learning my lesson". That's possible too.

I've heard that it would be a mistake to form a partnership with a friend or family member (or something to that effect). The thought being: you could end up hating each other. And that would be bad. But, in my case, armed with this most excellent advice; I ended up doing exactly that! Two partnerships were with friends, and one was with my (then) wife! You see, I countered the cautionary advice with the logic: "Well, I'm not going to seek out and trust an 'enemy' for heaven's sake." Maybe the answer was to be found somewhere in between... (let me say very quickly here, that I was very lucky, in that not only did we all survive the disasters... we have managed to remain friends).

After my experience with business partnerships; I've come to the conclusion that there is one inherent and basic problem with the concept. It's that no matter "what" is said during the "heat" phase; we ALL still have our own unspoken needs and objectives. And they don't necessarily run parallel to the other. These "at odds" objectives (or in extreme cases, hidden agendas) don't really surface until there are problems with the partnership. And of course, problems in business, almost always have something to do with money. Ahhh... there's that 4-letter word. Yes. When the chips are down, and the bill collectors are waiting at the door; you'll each get to see what the other is made of. Before it is all over with; you'll get a chance to finally see what the other's intention was all along. It's probably OK to have that information. It's a shame each partner couldn't have known what the other was thinking all along. But a completely equal partnership never really exists, anyway. To outsiders, It appears to exist, because each partner is capable of being civilized... and socially, if not politically correct at all times. But the concept of partnership is flawed. Beyond the financial and legal stuff; the partnership is nothing more than a long, drawn out negotiation between two people. Two people who will eventually, break away from each other, exhibiting an uncontrollable need to finally be free to fully express themselves! Yes, now each can finally be able to do it their way, and with no compromise!

So the break-up is inevitable. The "partnership" must suffer; so that each individual might survive. It's just the way it appears to be. At least to me, and IMHO.

So, today, when asked that same question: "What do you say?"

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Tags: business, company, partnerships, thehuhman

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Comment by thehuhman on May 3, 2009 at 11:11am
Thanks for your comments, Steven. You are correct. You most certainly do learn a lot about your partner during the experience. And, I'm sure many times the relationship is strengthened in the process.

In my situation, the first partnership was with a very good friend. And after a 7-year stint as partners, we were forced out of business by a bad customer. As messy as that was, my partner and I came out of it bonded for life. I'm talking we are best friends forever. We currently live hundreds of miles apart, but we talk all the time; and we visit each other a couple times each year.

The second partnership, was with a casual friend. It only lasted a couple years. The split was painful in many ways, but we survived it, and we've remained friends now for over 20 years. I just attended his oldest son's wedding!

The third one was with my ex-wife (and mother to my two sons). I think that business partnership pretty much killed the marriage. We had been together for 10 years. And there was a great deal of hurt and bitterness during and after the divorce. But time has a way of healing wounds, and after all she IS the mother of my kids. It's 16 years later; and she and I get along just fine. In fact, most ex-couples would be envious of our friendship, in its present mature state.

So, bottom line: I think you and I are pretty much in agreement here. It's true, I would NEVER do it again; but, I can see there are some obvious advantages to being partners with friends and family.
Comment by Steven Copley on May 3, 2009 at 10:26am
I'm in the process of forming a new S-Corp (not a partnership per say) with two friends and my brother. I know the dangers that can come from dealing with friends and family but I chose to do this anyway.

I have some good experiences with friends and family. My brother and I owned and operated a karate school together for 5 years before closing it. Our relationship grew much closer during this time as we learned about each others strengths and weaknesses. In 2004, I joined with two friends to start flipping houses and buying up rental properties. The market and our life commitments mostly stopped the business but we remain very close friends to this day and still have 4 rental houses together. Again, in this case, our relationships were strengthened as we learned each others true characters. (You learn a lot about someone when you need their help to replaces sub floors in the bathrooms of every house you buy.) ;)

All in all, I guess I've been lucky.

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