Growing in Manliness
Men who want to grow in masculinity, develop stronger manly traits, and be more confident in manhood.
Giving up
Ever have one of those days when you just want to toss in the towel?
Yesterday I came damn close.
My gym attendance is the one thing I've been doing to put myself out amongst other men, in person, and more importantly, to feel like one.
I went yesterday; it was leg day, something I never look forward to as I can be pretty hard on myself. I skipped the gym over the holidays, so this was my first time back after a hiatus of a week or so.
We are at the brink of the vacuous hole that is the next two months, and winter was on time with the coldest weather yet. To add to the gloom a cold was making itself known, I had that weary washed-out feeling, like a wraith.
I signed in at the desk, watching the staff ignore me. I've stopped acknowledging their presence in return for their cessation of acknowledging mine. Doesn't bother me anymore.
Warmup felt good, but then to the task at hand. I head on over to the corner squat rack, do a few warmup sets bar-only, and then put on what to me should have been a modicum of weight. I stand up, and am surprised to feel the terrible weight of the thing digging into my shoulders. My whole body tensed with the strain uneasily. I do a set, only my experience in proper form carrying me through. The weight gets returned to the rack with an uncharacteristically loud clang and I collapse on the bar.
In exhaustion I look over at my reflection in the mirror. I see a haggard, sad old man staring back. “Why am I doing this? Why am I even at this horrible place that perennially reminds me what an oddball of a man I am? This whole better-man thing is an illusion.” These poisonous thoughts come out and I do nothing to stop them, just stand there getting my breath back, thinking them.
Funny how these moments come, often without warning, testing our character. What I do in the gym is one of the few manly triumphs I've had at this time of my life, and with the exception of some good online advice, all on my own. I was so ready to toss in the towel, leave the gym at that point. And if I know myself I would not be back, eventually returning to being a pear-shaped, body-hating, now-middle-aged, non-man. Because this failure, this retreat will trigger others in a ripple affect, till I'm right back where I started from.
All these thoughts took place in the timed interval till the next set.
What did I do? I shut my mind off and got right back under that bar. Did it again, this time I paused with the bar on me, feeling it’s weight bearing down. “I will do this.” I thought. “I will not give up.” staring resolutely at myself in the mirror.
Simple thoughts, but they got the job done. Did another set, and this time it did not feel so daunting. My last set when I should have been tired I instead added more weight, and I was surprised how well I did. I was back in the groove.
I left the gym, tired, actually feeling less sick, and happy. I had faced yet another inner demon and defeated it. How many of us succumb to giving up, when all we need to do is persevere just a little.
In the battle to become a better man, I may have not made any advances lately, but at least I've avoided retreat.
Comment
-
Comment by Carl Monster on January 17, 2013 at 9:57am -
Great habit to have, Carson, mentally and physically.
For some reason it does not work for me, I end up beating myself up too much, though I might try it again when the weather gets nicer and the days longer.
-
Comment by Carl Monster on January 10, 2013 at 12:01pm
-
I do too. I just find that even with something you think is so certain, so safe, something you love doing, and even then you have moments when you question it.
Human nature, I suppose.
-
Comment by Brian Splash on January 9, 2013 at 12:22am -
With so many things happening I like that gym is a constant in my life , I am at the other extreme with ate front of shop staff where I have to walk away while there still jabbering , but once im in Its like being in a pine in forest of trees only to move to the wind in my own way .
-
Comment by Carl Monster on January 5, 2013 at 2:42pm
-
Those are all on Netfix now, will have to check that episode out.
-
Comment by Will on January 3, 2013 at 6:43pm -
I recognize that voice ("What's the point, you suck," etc.) It's a liar. What would it take to overcome it?
There's a Star Trek: Voyager episode "The Thaw" which addresses one aspect of a similar monster (more fear, less shame, but still similar). And you addressed another.
-
Comment by Carl Monster on January 3, 2013 at 5:04pm
-
I'll add that sentiment to my arsenal, Davis.
Thanks for your wisdom, as always.
-
Comment by Davis on January 3, 2013 at 5:02pm -
I call what you described above as "breaking through my paper chains." There really are iron chains that can stop me from moving ahead, but 99% of my "demons" are only paper chains. Funny that you wrote this today when I had The Great Debate with myself this morning around 5:45...the bed is warm, the outside is cold, cardio can wait, one day won't matter...then I remembered what my major professor at my alma mater said to me long ago about practicing for musical performances..."Miss one day of practice and you know it...miss two days and I know it...miss three days and your audience knows it." I also remember that if I waited for "inspiration" to do something, it may never come, but if I engage in the project even without the initial inspiration at least I'll be present when the lightning strikes. Lastly, I used to tell my students in college who were enrolled in my 8 a.m. music theory classes..."Ladies and Gentlemen, all I ask is that you just look like you want to be here. I can guarantee that if you make that small effort within 10 minutes you will be fully engaged.
Thanks, Carl...Happy New Year.
Davis
Latest Activity
Matt joined Sam Spade's group
Personal Finance
This group is the place to be if you have questions or advice on anything related to getting out of debt, investing, saving money, or creating a household budget.
Matt joined Mungo Hossenfeffer's group
Essential Manliness
Discussing, and perhaps discovering, what really lies at the heart of what it is to be a man.
Settecase posted a status"New article: why we must become more like our moms: http://ning.it/124oUDb"
Doddi Sjakali posted a discussionHow to gain more respect from people around you (lost article)
I was wondering if anyone here could help me. I once read an article on AoM (I'm pretty sure it was) about how to behave and act to gain more respect from your friends and the people around you.There's very little I can recall from the article. I think though there was some tip about when you start talking to group of people you should not turn your front directly at them at first, instead you should wait for them to turn their front at you... don't know if this helps anyone remembering the…See More
Matt replied to LShieldes's discussion Run fat boy run"Very good point on exhausted compound high rep barbell exercises; I wonder how many injuries come out of Crossfit gyms?
I've also heard Crossfit criticized for not being personalized, which no doubt could lead to more injuries and…"
"Nah, I would have figured right as that is where I had knee surgery a couple years ago."
"Close to instant, if I stop and try to stretch it, I can tell it is just the muscles spazing out hating my wife more than I do."
© 2013 Created by Brett McKay.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Art of Manliness to add comments!
Join Art of Manliness