This is a very touchy subject for me, and some of the guys here might tell me to "man up" after reading this post.
In all honesty, love scares the crap out of me. Deep down, as I'm sure we all do, I yearn for the love of a good woman, but I'm afraid of taking the risk; afraid of exposing myself. A good analogy might be to compare it to a terminally ill patient who's doctor tells him that there might be a cure for his illness; however, there is a chance that the process might kill him. Does he take the risk? Does he expose himself to something that could either kill him or completely turn his life around? Or does he continue to live in agony?
All of the relationships that I have been in ended up taking away so much of me that I've often wondered whether things will ever get back to normal. Chances are that some of you have read my post on the forums a couple of weeks ago, explaining what happened with my last relationship. Before that, in my first real relationship, I called a time-out when I was going through a rough time. The young lady in question said that she'd wait for me - when I came back, she had gotten tired of waiting. Sure, I admit that that was my own fault and I've moved on, but nonetheless, it was a solid punch in my relationship-gut. Another one was a close friend for more than a year - we sort of started a relationship, but before it was "official", she said that she didn't want to risk the friendship. I haven't seen her since, so I lost a both a girlfriend and a friend. Another solid punch to the gut came from a girl who said that she's tired of pretending to be in love - after telling me that she loved me at least three times a day for the previous six months.
Of course, not all women are the same. Last week, I met someone, and I was immediately attracted to her - a strong, outspoken, mature young lady. Seeing a lady whom I actually liked made me realize that I've hardened my heart after my last relationship. I've scorned at young couples publicly declaring how much they love each other, I've taken to making jokes about how women are a waste of time and money, and I've devoted my efforts to pursuing material possessions, rather than seeking to pursue a woman. Since my last relationship, I've asked two women on dates (the challenge for day 9) - one politely declined and the other cancelled at the last moment. Since the second young lady didn't suggest another time, I applied the Brad Pitt Rule and dropped my pursuit.
I do not understand the mechanics behind relationships either - I am a very analytical, logical person. I cannot see why anyone would develop an interest in someone else, yet, it happens (to other people). I am a romantic - I buy flowers, I write poetry, and when I occasionally (or we can make it annually) go on a date, I try take the lady to someplace more romantic than a movie and a diner. Thing is, as I wrote a while back, these generally aren't the type of things that start a relationship. Relationships start small, and I don't know how small works. It also doesn't help that I'm a shy, quiet type of person. I'm not the center of attention, and I'm not in the groups of men that crowd around women. When I do get the chance to talk to a woman, I'm not sure what I to say.
Now for the actual challenge - although I'm single, I've opted to write a short letter instead of a poem.
Though I still don't know who or where you are, I want you to know that I think about you each and every day.
I would love to reminisce about all our happy memories, but we don't have any yet. I would love to tell you everything that I love about you, but I do not yet know what you look like. But, what I do know, is that your eyes are beautiful and that they are windows to a beautiful soul. I know that you hands are soft and that you smell nice. I know that you are just the right size to fit perfectly into my arms. I also know laugh at my jokes and you can't get enough of my silly little romantic gestures.
I just wanted to let you know that you are an incredible woman, that I love you, and that I can't wait to meet you.
All my love,