Tonight I've really questioned myself, I'm in a complex situation and I'll try to sum it up as best as I can.A few years back a friend of mine moved from the US to Germany- we had a summer fling a…Continue
you seem to be in quite a pickle, and you have a lot of factors expressing themselves at you. 1st, as already Identified, get some advice from a lawyer as to what your options are, it is had to make a desicion otherwise.
2nd, you seem to…"
"So, let me resummarize this for understanding;
You've been having a long distance affair with a married woman, and you are apprehensive about raising the child that belongs to a man you have more or less been stealing from?
"You can provide material support if you want and can afford to, but don't expect ANYTHING in return. Just make a no-attachments gift to your friend.
If she wants to leave Germany, it sounds to me like she needs, first, to consult a lawyer there…"
"Telling someone to rot is not nice but I don't know if that would count as abuse. Actually, if your spouse is cheating on you its probably an appropriate thing to say. I think you are in a bad place here. I realise you had a nice moment with…"
"Establish early on your parental responsibilities and rights (the ones she will give you not legal rights because you will have none) with this woman, get it in writing so you can refer to it later. Why, you ask. Because you are not…"
"I AM in love with her, I know the wise thing- I hear it from all of my friends whenever I describe the situation. But there's this gut feeling too I haven't gotten from any other women. I know she wants to get better and she's held it…"
"I work at amazon and every night I have all this empty time to consider the situation. Over 2 years I've looked at it from all kinds of angles. The main thing is getting her somewhere on her feet. After that I say we try things for a few months…"
"The thing is, he literally came to me on webcam when we were talking and said 'you want THIS?' Referring to his 2 year old daughter. He has hardly any involvement with her dispite living at home the past year on unemployment. He just plays…"
"Wes, there is a lot of stuff here. I hear you say you love this girl. I don't hear you say you are in love with her. She also has a lot of issues for which you can not be responsible, and for which you should not be responsible. This does not…"
"Not unless the father gives up his parental rights and you then adopt the child. In your situation I would seriously advise against this unless or until you and the mother are married. If you do this before and you don't get married…"
"Are there any legal arrangements that could be made so that I'm not in that position? I really trust my friend wouldn't take off with the child one day considering I've stuck with her through the rough times and really want to try my…"
"I can personally tell you that 'raising' step children is one of the most difficult things a man can do. On the 'good' side your friend's daughter is young on the bad side she is your friend's daughter, not…"
"I suppose I may have put more emphasis on her problem than what I'm getting out of it.
When we met 4 years ago she lived in another city- we were both just looking for something fun, short and interesting. We just scraped the surface of each…"
Tonight I've really questioned myself, I'm in a complex situation and I'll try to sum it up as best as I can.A few years back a friend of mine moved from the US to Germany- we had a summer fling a few years earlier but didn't get too serious. She ended up getting married in Germany and having a daughter who is 2 years old now. I started talking more with her because her husband became extremely neglectful and abusive, and I sort of became an outlet. I couldn't handle her being treated that way…See More
Hi there Wes. Welcome to AoM. Also, I'd like to give you a friendly invite to check out my group, The Great Debate. Just click on "Groups." It's the one with the colorful galaxy picture. It's also one of the most active groups on AoM. In any case, great to have you aboard.
"Why not? Doesn't seem like too much to ask that people neither kill nor abandon their offspring. Pretty much the order of things since the beginning of time.
"Force" is a strong word (on the "keep it and care for…"
"Yes but you can't have it both ways. You can't force someone to to carry a child to term and then force them to keep it and care for it. Again you are just illustrating my point is that this is a gray issue. I'm far…"
"Higher taxes or dismembering gestating babies are not the only two choices. I'm opposed to both.
Mostly, parents should take responsibility, and pay for their own kids. Where they cannot, I support private charities that can offer…"
"I agree very much that the world is not black and white. It seems odd that we seem to have come to think it is. While I was not alive in the main of the cold war, it seems to have driven black and white thinking.
"I'm talking about two different statements you've made in this discussion in which you state two different things. How about you make a stand and stay there. Don't say rape is a bad thing but the mother should have to…"