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Raising someone else's child- advice please!

Started this discussion. Last reply by Trentington Apr 10, 2013. 22 Replies

Tonight I've really questioned myself, I'm in a complex situation and I'll try to sum it up as best as I can.A few years back a friend of mine moved from the US to Germany- we had a summer fling a…Continue

 

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Trentington replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Wes, you seem to be in quite a pickle, and you have a lot of factors expressing themselves at you. 1st, as already Identified, get some advice from a lawyer as to what your options are, it is had to make a desicion otherwise.  2nd, you seem to…"
Apr 10, 2013
Michael B. replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"So, let me resummarize this for understanding; You've been having a long distance affair with a married woman, and you are apprehensive about raising the child that belongs to a man you have more or less been stealing from?   And what…"
Apr 10, 2013
Rebekah replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"You can provide material support if you want and can afford to, but don't expect ANYTHING in return. Just make a no-attachments gift to your friend. If she wants to leave Germany, it sounds to me like she needs, first, to consult a lawyer there…"
Apr 9, 2013
Nick H replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Telling someone to rot is not nice but I don't know if that would count as abuse. Actually, if your spouse is cheating on you its probably an appropriate thing to say. I think you are in a bad place here. I realise you had a nice moment with…"
Apr 9, 2013
Rick Shelton replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Establish early on your parental responsibilities and rights (the ones she will give you not legal rights because you will have none) with this woman, get it in writing so you can refer to it later.  Why, you ask.  Because you are not…"
Apr 9, 2013
Wes replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"I AM in love with her, I know the wise thing- I hear it from all of my friends whenever I describe the situation. But there's this gut feeling too I haven't gotten from any other women. I know she wants to get better and she's held it…"
Apr 9, 2013
Wes replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"I work at amazon and every night I have all this empty time to consider the situation. Over 2 years I've looked at it from all kinds of angles. The main thing is getting her somewhere on her feet. After that I say we try things for a few months…"
Apr 9, 2013
Wes replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"The thing is, he literally came to me on webcam when we were talking and said 'you want THIS?' Referring to his 2 year old daughter. He has hardly any involvement with her dispite living at home the past year on unemployment. He just plays…"
Apr 9, 2013
Stein replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Wes, there is a lot of stuff here. I hear you say you love this girl. I don't hear you say you are in love with her. She also has a lot of issues for which you can not be responsible, and for which you should not be responsible. This does not…"
Apr 8, 2013
C.C. Dolph replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
" I was about to call you pedantic. But then I saw you were correcting yourself."
Apr 8, 2013
C.C. Dolph replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Your willingness to be take responsibility for the child is commendable.It sounds to me like you've got your heart in the right place.  But I'm not so sure about your lady friend. From what you've mentioned, her…"
Apr 8, 2013
Rick Shelton replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"+1"
Apr 8, 2013
Rick Shelton replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Not unless the father gives up his parental rights and you then adopt the child.  In your situation I would seriously advise against this unless or until you and the mother are married.  If you do this before and you don't get married…"
Apr 8, 2013
Wes replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"Are there any legal arrangements that could be made so that I'm not in that position? I really trust my friend wouldn't take off with the child one day considering I've stuck with her through the rough times and really want to try my…"
Apr 8, 2013
Rick Shelton replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"I can personally tell you that 'raising' step children is one of the most difficult things a man can do.  On the 'good' side your friend's daughter is young on the bad side she is your friend's daughter, not…"
Apr 8, 2013
Wes replied to Wes's discussion Raising someone else's child- advice please!
"I suppose I may have put more emphasis on her problem than what I'm getting out of it. When we met 4 years ago she lived in another city- we were both just looking for something fun, short and interesting. We just scraped the surface of each…"
Apr 8, 2013

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At 2:45am on March 22, 2010, Herb Munson said…
Hi there Wes. Welcome to AoM. Also, I'd like to give you a friendly invite to check out my group, The Great Debate. Just click on "Groups." It's the one with the colorful galaxy picture. It's also one of the most active groups on AoM. In any case, great to have you aboard.
 
 
 

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I have had some good male role models, and some abusive ones too.I was hurt really bad by the death of my father.    I loved him a great deal.And being abused by  a few men in the family, it just made matters worse.I have had several great men in my life, and continue to have great male friends some older some younger.   I also help at a rehab for teenage boys.  As a teacher I make sure to pay attention to as much as I can concerning the well being of my students.  I also make sure the younger…See More
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