"What I mean by commitment coming last is just that you shouldn't marry someone until you know it's right. That's all.
The "spiraling out of control" thing definitely makes me think of Gottman's book.
Another thing…"
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Matt E
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Seeking some advice on a woman
Started this discussion. Last reply by Will Jul 12, 2012. 20 Replies 0 Likes
Hey everyone - this is my first post on the board. I'd like to start of by saying I came across this site a few months while Googling random things and have been amazed with the quality of some of…Continue
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Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Thanks Will. I'm starting to agree that love isn't enough. Perhaps John Lennon was a liar. Why do you feel commitment is the last thing? Are you talking in a marriage sense? I've always though the commitment comes first. For…"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"I'd say the fights are less frequent, but more painful. We've never told each other we never want to see the other person again. I think we both know deep down that regardless of what fight we are in, either one of us could text the other…"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"I guess it means things going smoothly for more than a few weeks at a time. In my eyes, it would be better communication between the two of us and less disagreements as a result of that poor communication. But those communication problems are…"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Usually the fights can be very trivial in nature (i.e. me saying something that pisses her off as a joke, but insults her intelligence). But they also usually spiral out of control into a large ordeal. I guess part of the frustration is that we…"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"We are both totally guilty of bringing up the past, since we've dealt with a lot of issues over the course of our relationship. I would say we do stay away from the never's or always' though, as it sometimes seems we find new, even…"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Thanks Todd. I think your post was a real wake up call. That is definitely not the kind of person I want to be. It's very frustrating at times because I want more from her (and have told her as such), and these fights in my eyes lead me to…"
Jack Bauer replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"What are you fighting about? There are some fights that are dealbreakers. Most aren't, though.
Fights happen. The good relationships are the ones where people fight fair and come out of the fight as strong as they went…"
Rick Shelton replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Fights are a normal part of a relationship.
The main question I have is do either you or her keep bringing up the past when you argue? If so you both need to forgive and forget. You can't keep bringing up past mistakes, unless…"
Todd Serveto replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"1. Your problem (you in the plural sense--both of you) is probably that you don't know how to disagree, deal with anger/frustration, or respond when you're upset in a healthy, productive way--with mutual respect and due regard for the…"
Will replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Here's my view. The feeling of love is not enough. Any feeling can come and go. If you keep fighting and the fights hurt, it will go. (But maybe the fights don't hurt. Still, if you spend a week not…"
Shane replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"What does functional look like?"
Matt E replied to Matt E's discussion Seeking some advice on a woman"Maybe functional is a better word?"
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