I am not sure if this has been discussed in this forum. It is a rather difficult topic for me to bring up because in my pursuit to become a better man, I feel I need to somehow deal with this in a…Continue
"I wonder if you didn't have an idea that she was 'experienced' prior to your marriage. Is it the exact number of partners that bothers you the most? 10, 20 or 25, how were things between you before you heard the magic…"
"Alright there David,
If you led a similar path before to your wife then I doubt it would be an issue for that you couldn't come to terms with.
I made a pact with myself what to me is acceptable in a fiancee' history…"
"David---this topic comes up now and again, and I'm going to tell you what I honestly believe, even though it might not be popular in our current cultural climate. Sex is like fire--contained within its proper boundaries, it's…"
"I have learned alot about myself and this crippling jealousy in the last 8 months.
The irony of retroactive jealousy is that it's all based in the past and denies the great things that are happening now. It can also destroy today…"
"I'm moralizing you.
It sounds like this came up during a thought-out premarital discussion. This was not, "By the way, sweetie, I've had sex with 25 men, but you're the best. Oh! There's my plane to Timbuktu! See you at the…"
"As I post below, there's men who look for wives with a certain degree of chastity. They may employ a single standard, or a double standard, but they have a standard going into relationships and marriage, and they're honest with themselves…"
"You said the double standard is a cultural universal, so I'm going to jump in with the worst examples of the application of that double standard.
Being stoned for being raped is one short stick. (and it's between the rapist's…"
"We all know there's biology behind the cultural biases. Outies never are physically marked fornicators. Innies can be.
But we're not monkeys. We have reason and free will. We can work towards societies that recognize the biology for innies…"
""And, at what number does a woman become a slut?" I can't define it but I know it when I see it. More to your point, I know that many of the men on here who think her past sexual escapes are a legitimate cause for concern…"
"Shane, if you think that having once been fat poses the same sort of potential threat to a relationship that having had a couple dozen sexual partners does, there's no way to convince you of anything in this thread.
I doubt you really…"
">> I am not proud about what this has triggered in me but at the same time I don't beat myself up because I did not choose to react this way
Believe it or not, you can control your reactions, at least in the long term. You are…"
"It ain't that simple, unless you want to argue for an Augustinian approach about the thorough corruption of human will and motives. And while that would explain all those who say they want to change but don't, it would play merry…"
"I think the temptation is to fit others, in this case women, into our framework. We tend to think "passive" is bad (I sure do), but my wife does not have "passive" as a bad word in her way of thinking. (Irresponsible,…"
"Thank you for the reply. I realize that different people are attracted to different people, but I'm just trying to get inside the head of people who are attracted to the type of woman who, on the surface, appears passive. Trying to…"