It's happening; I'm getting a divorce. My wife ex-wife has made up her mind and I can't change it.

I have been (still legally am) married for 10 years. We had been having trouble for years. I am a long time depressed person who has no motivation. We grew more distant over the years and she got sick of my "laziness." We used to fight all the time and she would tell me if it kept up she was going to leave me. We tried counseling, and it's not that it didn't work. I just struggled with my end of the bargain.

Then one day it just stopped. I was ok with that (what an idiot). She was always a person who would fall asleep on the couch watching TV, but I suspected that she honestly did not want to sleep in the bed with me. Eventually that came out. During this time we never even kissed. It's been years.

I knew that we were in trouble, but I was still devastated when she told we she was going to divorce me. It was not in a fight this time. She asked me to come talk to her and laid it all out with a few tears. I recoiled and I was still determined that I could save the marriage. There was a great deal of fear of losing everything I had come to know. We have two kids; what was going to happen to them? Where are we going to live?

Fellas, I'm not afraid to admit, I wept. Not cried (there was some of that two) but all out wept. I mean tears running down my face through my beard, that inhaling thing that happens and you make this odd squeak or chirp. Sometimes I couldn't even stop it. I woke up in the middle of the night and went right into it until, at some point, fell back asleep. I leave for work early and no one is up yet. That same morning I was getting ready to go to work and it just came over me. I hid out in the bathroom, but it could still be heard around the house. I tied several times to be done with it and be on mu way to work. I eventually just sat down on the toilet (lid closed) and thought I may not make it work that day. My wife ex-wife came in and told me that the kids would hear me (we have not told them yet) and wonder what was going on; if a very understanding way.  Also, one morning as I was getting my things together and as I was just about to walk out the door it hit me. I kind of ran to the door out to my car. I drive 35 miles to work and I cried almost all the way there.

Her and I don't feel angry at each other at all. We do still want to remain friends. In fact, we have discussed it many times. After all, we have kids together. She is not mad at me for what I have done and I'm not mad at her for ending it. As I've stated, I was very emotional for several weeks. I am just starting to come to terms with it and think about what is next for me in life.

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If you are anything like myself you've got a rough couple of months ahead of you, but once you come out the other side you will probably start to feel a lot better. My ex and I separated about 16 months ago. The first 2-3 months were tough, and the first Christmas single was tough, but I'm much better now (and in a new relationship), and I think you may be too, in time. Good luck my friend, and try to remember you won't always feel as bad as you do now. It gets better, I promise.

Thanks Nathan. I know it's going to be hard. Although, I am working with a therapist to help me get through it. I also plan to take some time to self-reflect. I need to learn to love myself and be more confident.

I have thought about Christmas, and not being able to be woken up early in the morning ready to rip open their presents. I talked to my ex and she said that she would be okay with coming over so I can still get to enjoy that.

neil,

sorry you're going through this..hope it helps to talk to others in same boat..feel free to ask questions or vent anytime

Neil, I was wondering how you are doing now that you have been on the other side of divorce for a while. I hope things are well for you. 

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