I apologize for the very long post. I slightly felt the need to vent.

I gained an interest in a friend of mine who I met two semesters ago and for the past two weeks up to now, we've been talking and getting to know each other (talking as in normal conversing but I did flirt with him a bit). I asked if he was free during the weekend of next week and he told me he was going to Renn Fest and that I should come. It was only him and I at that point but then plans were moved to another day.

I invited him over to my place and we watched a movie. After that, we played video games for a bit and soon he had to leave because he had to meet his friend at our school to give them his textbook for their class (I doubt I'll rarely see him at school considering he's a tutor and is taking seven classes). Before I walked him out to his car, I did kiss him, and we talked about hanging out more and seeing a movie somewhere.

However, he did inform me that he wasn't ready for a relationship after his last one (his ex-boyfriend is also a friend of mine and I've met them two semesters ago when they were dating) and that he respected me enough to not lead me, but also stated that he wanted to hang out more and was delighted for us to be friends (which is mutual on my end). Even though I'm evidently in the friend zone, I'm not really bothered. I'm content with us being friends and glad I made a move. I told him it was perfectly understandable and apologized if I overstepped my boundaries and that if I made him uncomfortable. He said I didn't at all and that I was a total gentlemen.

However, I felt I ruined my "potential chances" one night (apparently according to another forum I'm on he's interested but didn't want to use me as a rebound). We talked and I had confessed that I was interested in him, even though that day I made it rather apparent with the first kiss, but I just wanted to get it off of my chest considering that I had the opportunity because we don't even see each other at school as much now. However, I did say that I understood that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that I appreciated our friendship and didn't want to ruin it. He was glad that I was honest but stated again that he wasn't in dating mode (nor had the feelings to tie himself to a relationship) because he was hurt in the past two relationships and needed to find himself again, and now I felt I just made him distance himself from me, even though he said couldn't wait to hang out again. Ultimately, he's stated that it was best that we were just friends.

One time, I logged onto Facebook and read that he was in a relationship, which did hit me hard a bit. However, I ended up liking because I was happy that he found someone. Later, he messaged me saying he wasn't in a relationship and that his friend hacked his FB. When I asked why did he feel the need to inform me that, he said it was because he recently informed that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he didn't want me to think of him as an asshole. I responded that I wouldn't and that I'd feel like an asshole if I was angry with him.

Nowadays, we see each other every now and then at school, and I'm planning to hang out with my own friends and focus on school, as a friend advised me to give him time and do my own thing from now on. It's hard to get a hold of him to hang out since I know he's busy with school. I did join a LGBT club with him that he wanted some of us to join and the people there are very nice, and I personally wouldn't mind befriending them. I consider that as a step of doing my own thing and trying something new to meet new people since I said I would never join a LGBT group.

Overall, I don't know what to do. I've told myself to move on and focus on myself, but I'm also paranoid that if I stop showing interest that I'll face one of those situation that when I move on, the other person liked me too. I know, it's very stupid, even though I feel I handled the situation with maturity.

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Replies to This Discussion

Typically, I don't think that relationship advice is worth the pixels on the screen. But as an "elder" sexual minority in a stable, long-term relationship, I do think that I might have something to offer.

1. Decide what it is you want from having a relationship with this man.

2. Tell him exactly what that is.

Talk to him. Tell him what you like about him. Find out what he likes about you. Explore what each of you can bring to the life of the other. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Don't expect anything but honesty. And remember that you'll meet lots of guys, but there are very few who are potentially Mr. Right.

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