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Remembering Dad

This is a group for men who have lost their fathers. It is a place to mourn, celebrate, and remember our fathers and a place for men to share experiences and draw strength from one another.

Members: 106
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Understanding my Father, and realizing the "gift" his father's passing was to us all...

Started by Dan O'Connell. Last reply by Jones on Monday. 1 Reply

Hey all, I've been doing a lot of genealogy on my father's side, getting to know his family and ancestors better.  I've learned a lot, mostly because my father rarely talked about his family much at…Continue

Things Won't Ever be the Same

Started by Chris Aliapoulios Jan 9. 0 Replies

My dad passed away at 61 on Christmas morning a couple weeks ago with all of us by his side. He had a massive heart attack in 2009, which he probably shouldn’t have survived, but he pulled through…Continue

Tags: dad, christmas, transplant, heart

Missing my best friend

Started by Chuck Barnett. Last reply by Dan O'Connell Dec 28, 2013. 4 Replies

My father passed away on Memorial Day this year.  The entire family was at his house for one of his traditional cookouts by the pool.  There was always plenty of food, drinks, laughter, and memories…Continue

Becoming Emotionally Unstuck From My Dad's Death

Started by Jeff. Last reply by Chris Jay Dec 26, 2013. 1 Reply

"My dad died when I was 17." For the past seven years, that seems to have been my story. Nothing mattered before, and nothing mattered after. Not my accomplishment of going to college and graduating,…Continue

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Comment by Padre on November 13, 2013 at 2:54pm

Someone asked me how I was doing with my father passing away. It had been about 8 months and it was the first time someone broached the subject and I was grateful for it. I think too often we fear having the uncomfortable conversations with people or we don't know what to say. In reality he didn't need to say anything, he was just giving me the opportunity to share and I think he would have been just fine had I not said anything. What came out somewhat surprised me. 

What I mourn is the absence of his presence. My father was not a big talker, but he was faithful to everyone he met. He didn't command a room, but his presence was felt when he was in the room. He was stable, predictable and reliable; we called him Steadie Eddie (Edwin as his name). I am eternally grateful for the relationship we had. It was not perfect by any means but I had come to a place where I could accept my father for the man he was. I miss him often and have a noted on my computer in his handwiriting that expresses so much more than he will ever know.

Comment by Matt on November 9, 2013 at 9:19am

My dad and my twin passed away when I was little. I have grown up without them in my life, nor had any other direct male role model. I have come to terms with a lot of this over the years...

I just find it hard to make true friends. Does anyone think this is related or can give me any advice? I find it tricky to talk about this subject with my friends, and many of them don't understand anyway...

Is there anyone else who has lost a twin? be great to have a chat sometime. 

Comment by Scott L Ferrell on June 12, 2013 at 2:43pm

I was 21 and a senior in college. My father was 51 when he died. I never had time to look for a father figure, I had to support the family and finish college at the same time. In later years, I came to miss him, how I wished I could have shared my joys and failures with him. 

Comment by Rich T on February 21, 2013 at 9:51pm
My Dad passed in 1996, he was 85 years old. I'll never forget that day, my wife and I were at a convention in Atlantic City. My brother called the hotel and told me. When we got home the family had started to gather. It was not easy. My Dad was a good man a good father and provider. I'm sorry he worked so hard to raise four kids that he didn't really have time for father son activities. But my real sorrow comes from an argument we had and we did not speak for eight years. Time wasted by two hard heads. We did start talking a few years before he died but I don't remember ever telling him how much I loved him. My Mother said he knew I did, but I waited to late. It's not the same saying it at the casket. If your Dad is still with you, please tell him before it's to late, fellas.
Comment by Michael E on February 21, 2013 at 7:48pm

My Dad passed away on the 13th of December 2012.

It is his birthday today and I will never forget what such a great person he was. I still play his music (that he sang) and listen to music he use to listen to. I am also planning to put together a few photos of him for his bar. A shrine/tribute thing.

There is allot of truth to the article.

Especially feels like I am trespassing as I am cleaning up his property. I have not cleaned his bedroom. I can still smell his smell, which puts me at ease. I miss him so much, and sometimes I tear up and my GF asks what is wrong.

For a while, his last moments replay in my head.  In the mornings, Dad use to yell out and I would come running. I still get woken up occasionally because I hear him yelling my name. By the time I quickly get up to see what’s going on, I realise that I will never be able to see him or talk to him again.

After he died shyte really hit the fan.

My sister didn’t see my Dad for about 15 years; she only came into the picture the last two weeks of dying. There were some fights even when dad was alive. It’s only because my mum told my GF, that my sis was only back, out of Pity and she wanted to be in the will (I am pretty angry about that). I don’t have any problems with her being in the will. In fact, I made Dad change it so she could be in the will to save problems. The fact is, my sister is 32 but acts 12, lives at home, has never paid a bill etc. She has not experienced the real world at all.

Dad was not even dead yet and she was like “This is mine, that is half mine”...Like I mean seriously, he wasn’t even dead and she was talking about that shit. Rah! My dad made me promise, that no matter what happens, I never sell the house! I don’t intend to either! As long as I can afford it! Another thing that pissed me off, was that on the day of the funeral, my sister was so jovial, and when we were hosting the wake, she was complaining to me that she couldn’t go to a rave. For God Sake! 

My mum called my GF and says she wants to have a few different evaluators in already. I mean c’mon! I haven’t even been to the lawyers to process the will, which will take ages, I just paid for the funeral and now I have to pay for the tombstone. Mum always shelters, sticks up for, and stands up for her daughter, or makes excuses or anything for her. She shelters her like a 2 year old.

Due to these actions, I am pissed off at my family, and Mum messages me saying “These outside influences have turned you against me!” – What outside influences? I react according to how I am treated. And people appear to be abandoning or turning against me. I can’t talk to my girlfriend, she is on a different wave length, for instance, when dad did die, and she just came in, sat and watched, as if she was some sort of show or something! Didn’t even shed a tear!

Anyways, I know this forum is to celebrate, and remember Dads,  sorry for filling it up with negative stuff. Hopefully after a while, life will get better. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. Anyways back to work...which will keep me sane for now.

Dad would know what to do!  I will always love you Dad.

Comment by joe grantham on January 4, 2013 at 2:11am

my father passed when I was 10, on valentines day. now its 4 years later, I've grown grown into the young man I am today , I have done the best to follow into his footsteps, its hard, but I keep on keeping on. R.I.P dad

 

Comment by Jackalope Glen on October 5, 2012 at 5:25pm

My father passed away last Saturday Sept. 29th. Today would have been his 74th birthday. He was a man who made friends where ever he went. He had an amazing ability for this. It is something that he was able to use in sales all his life. He was a huge fan of Bama football, a hunter, fisherman, and lover of his grandsons. He will be sorely missed.

Comment by Mike on January 18, 2012 at 5:32pm

I am 29 years old and I lost my dad this time last year to a brief stint of kidney cancer.  I miss him dearly...everyday.  I can still recall his voice vividly when I would call him and he would say my name enthusiastically "Michael!!!" when he knew it was me on the other line. 

Like the author advises in the article, I have struggled and continue to struggle with not only my father's passing but also my place in this world.  I have grown as a Man and matured because of it. Nevertheless, it has been hard w/o his advice and understanding.

I encourage anyone who has lost their father to grieve in a healthy way for as long as needed and examine their own purpose in life.  It is not easy, but it will help you grow as a man and help heal the wounds from the loss of your father.

Comment by Evan Stein on December 18, 2011 at 7:21am

Johnnie, I felt much the same way. But as time goes on and I grow as a parent I realize that my dad would be proud. This came to me when I started to understand that honoring him was best done in being the best father to  my kids. 

Comment by Johnnie Bradley on December 16, 2011 at 12:37pm

Yesterday was my father's birthday.  He would have been 67.  He passed away from a bicycle accident 6 years, 1 month and 1 day ago.  At times it seems he has been gone forever, and at others I can hear his laugh, see his easy smile, and hear him telling me "Well Hot Shot, ........".  I strive every day to be half the man he was, and feel as if I am failing miserabley most of the time.  But every once in a while, I'll do something, and realize it is exactly what he would have done.  I hope I can be as good a role model to my boys as he was for me.  I'll always remember the last words he spoke to me.  And I'll never be able to forget that horrible call from mom saying "I need you.  You're father is hurt bad baby." 

In the military I have taken lives, and I have saved lives.  I have been shot, cut and broken.  But the hardest 2 things I have ever done in my life was hand my one month old to a nurse to have surgery on.  And tell the Dr to take dad off life support.  I don't wish either of these on anyone.  Funny, I had never realized until I typed this that one saved a life, and one ended it. 

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts. Call your dad if you can.  One day you won't be able to.

 

Johnnie

 

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