hello this is my first post to this website.

I found this website a while ago  but for one reason or another i did not post. the time i spent watching has helped me through some dark times.

 the nineth of january 2013 is the day that the world stopped for me - my dad died. It is the worst thing i have endured and still am. We are lucky that my dad was involved in the local church so as part of his legacy we have a network of people we can call on. however when i do i feel guilt because even though he was sick he did not bother any one else. he was taken way to fast, eight months after been told he had colonrectal cancer. he was 59 on the 5th march 2013.


it is funny that the date that sticks in my mind is the nineth and not the day we were told that he wasn't coming home - for the life of me i cannot remember that day . i remember the first when he was taken in i remember every thing that happened but what day it was i cannot. the next date is the 7th when we were called in and that is only from workng it out that it was on the third day he died.

I remember the nineth of jan. that evening i was talking to my mams sister and i was worried that my mam was saying he died. i was worried that she saw it as the end - he hadn't  died he had passed on. it was me that had the problem.


after his death my mam said she wanted to forget the past eight months , i said i wanted t thank him i still do . my dad had lost his dad less than four years ago and his mother years before that it affected his family but not like this - i don't think.


don't get me wrong we have cried, rejoyced, remembered, laughed and everything in between the last two months but it is still a hard path to follow.


i think thats enough for a first post












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Replies to This Discussion

Thank you for sharing yourself in such a brave and authentic way.  Jay

great first post. There will definitely be some change in families. I know after my dad passed, my mother pretty much ended her relationship with his family. It puts you in an awkward scenario for sure, but you have to do best for you. Your mom and other family will all grieve differently, as we are all unique humans! Feel free to contact me through your process, I know it's an ongoing affair and it helps to not feel alone!

thank you for your reassurance, i just had a bad day yesterday, today i am ready to take on the world.


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