Any of you men in a sexless marriage, or very little sex? Before you go off, I've tried everything. I'm hoping to talk to other men that understand. I love my wife, not interested in another woman. If your in a marriage like this and understand please send a message to my in box or to timmtbiker@yahoo.com.

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It takes two to tango, and a satisfying sex life really depends upon what your expectations are, and what hers are.  Is it the frequency you're not satisfied with, the quality, or both?  And what does she want sexually, if anything?

She has no desire at all.

Well, what are your options?  Seems to me you have six:

1) Divorce

2) Cheat 

3) Take a mistress with her blessing

4) Try to increase her desire 

5) Satisfy yourself through fantasy and spanking it

6) Accept the status quo

Once you eliminate the unacceptable options, take it from there and solve the problem.

#5 works best believe me if you don't have a guy friend!

John

You say she has "no desire at all." There has to be a reason for that. Is there a medical problem, for one of you or both? A woman just does not turn off her sex drive for no reason at all. One of the first things a man in this situation should do is look at himself. What kind of physical shape are you in? What about your personal hygiene? How about the communication part of your marriage? Are you showing her affection in ways that are non-sexual? Physical intimacy is often considered by men to be entirely sexual in nature; a wife whose husband never touches or kisses her unless he wants to initiate sex is not going to be excited about physical intimacy. There's probably something going on that you're not aware of (and should be). You won't know until you ask her.

When a woman goes through menopause, everything changes.

Indeed it does. It's a rough time for both of you. Men cannot begin to fully understand the physical and emotional changes that a woman goes through, so don't even pretend to try. You just have to ride it out and be as understanding as possible. When she comes out the other side she will have a different view of sex than she used to, but whether or not she desires it is still up to you in many respects.

A man has to understand and accept that as he ages, and as his wife ages with him, things will change in every department, sex being one of them. You won't have as much vim and vigor as you did in your 20s or even 40s. You won't look the same as you did back then. For the guys, you won't have as much lead in the pencil. She will have her own plumbing issues to contend with.

Frequency will change and go down. Any man in his 50s who tells you he's having as much sex, and as good sex, as he did 30 years earlier is a liar. Even Hugh Hefner didn't have as good a sex life at that age as he did before, despite the variety that was available to him. (And in order to get that variety he had to give up a lot of things that most other men would find more important, such as true love and commitment.)

The man has to accept that his wife isn't as hot as she was 30 years earlier and isn't as hot as the girls he sees on the beach or on his computer screen. She certainly knows that about her husband, too. How the two of you adapt to your ever-changing reality is the key. It takes two to tango and two to figure out when and how to tango, as well.

Hey Wayne, I have been in a sexless marriage for 13 yrs. Not interested in any other women anymore. Just now I like guys and their companionship and whatever follows.

John

That sounds like a recipe for STDs. I hope you are careful!

I was in a very-little-sex marriage for a long time. Post 50 ED didn't help, and I refuse to go get meds for it.

What changed the situation was my wife caught me sexting with someone else and confronted me. At the 20 year plus point, it was a huge shakeup in our marriage. We spent an emotional weekend driving around (for privacy from our girls) talking and getting much off our chest. Not just sex but everything that's been bothering us lately about each other. I almost ran off the road a few times I got so emotional.

It made me realize how much I love her and want to keep our bond strong. But I made it crystal clear what I needed to her, and vice versa, on sex.

It brought it back into our marriage. Now I am not saying this will work for you, but you both need to talk about this and discuss the options facing you, and you as a husband have to examine what you want to sacrifice in order to get what you need: your integrity? a fulfilling sex life?

It won't be easy, but you may be surprised at the results you get.

Hey  Tim i know exactly what you're talking about. I found other ways to get satisfaction and find some common ground w/ guys in the same predicament. I just find 'guy time" in my schedule:)

John

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