Information

Marriage

For those who are married or thinking about getting married who are seeking a little advice.

Members: 105
Latest Activity: Oct 2

Discussion Forum

Dealing with long term illness

Started by Ben G.. Last reply by Ben G. Sep 2, 2013. 4 Replies

Hey everyone,I've been married for almost 2 1/2 years to my childhood sweetheart. We have a beautiful little girl and a son on the way. However, less than 2 months after our wedding, my wife was in…Continue

Tags: health

How I know my wife is right for me

Started by Joe W Dec 8, 2011. 0 Replies

Shortly after we married, my wife nagged me enough that I made and kept a doctor's appointment.  (Apparently a professional saying that I'm in good health is a big deal for her.)  Upon my return, she…Continue

Relationship Problems

Started by Christopher Martin Yoder. Last reply by Nick H Nov 8, 2011. 8 Replies

I am currently engaged but my fiance and I have been living together for nearly two years. Recently, I have found that several things have been bugging me.1. She has this sense of entitlement.  What…Continue

How young is too young?

Started by Duncan Russell D. Polson. Last reply by KermitKebab Jan 16, 2011. 3 Replies

Hey guys,I have been with my girlfriend Thea for as long as I can remember, we went to elementary school together and everything, she has been living with me for two years and it has been a breeze,…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Marriage to add comments!

Comment by M. Travis Henderson on February 9, 2012 at 9:08am

Good morning,

I am really glad this group is on AoM. I recently joined the community, and I am also recently married. I've always been told marriage is hard, but had know idea how hard until I got married. I am blessed to have married up, and married my best friend. I am trying to be a good husband, but I kinda feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants.

Comment by Christopher Martin Yoder on November 7, 2011 at 8:33pm
Thank you Nathanael, I have started a thread. It has been a while.
Comment by Nathanael on November 7, 2011 at 8:10pm

Christopher, it might be easier if you created this as a thread rather than a comment.  Regardless, here are a couple quick thoughts.  First I would ask why, after two years of living together, you and your fiance aren't married?  Do you at least have a date set?  My first concern about the relationship would be that there might be a lack of commitment if the rate of progress toward the altar is so dilatory. 

Addressing your second point, as it is yourself that you can directly change, I suggest trying to express your subjective feelings in clear ways that are not directly accusatory.  The formula would be something like "I feel X when you do Y" or "This situation/action/whatever has made me feel X about you."  This form of communication removes you one analytical level away from your immediate feelings, and makes it easier to communicate them without making her as defensive.

Comment by Christopher Martin Yoder on November 7, 2011 at 7:54pm

I am currently engaged but my fiance and I have been living together for nearly two years. Recently, I have found that several things have been bugging me.

1. She has this sense of entitlement.  What I mean by that is that she thinks she should be able to do what she wants when she wants to do it.

2. When we do fight, I find it hard to maintain my calm.  I know that this is a weakness of mine.  When I analyzed it I found that when I am in an objective argument, where I have concrete material which I can reference, I can remain calmer whereas, in a subjective argument I tend to lose my temper because I have nothing to fall back on. This makes me the bad guy, which is partially true.

3. She has a very juvenile concept of money management.  I do not know how to change her perspective short of taking control of all money decision but this option seems too despotic for me.

 

I would greatly appreciate any advice that anyone might have. Thank you.

Comment by Eric Ciarkowski on April 6, 2010 at 6:18am
So I'm stating to hear a lot of talk against getting married from my so called peers. One friend of mine, a guy so absent of social expectations, lies, cheats, whines to no end, and is scarred at the idea of getting married and is trying to "persuade" me by emphasizing his fear. He keeps saying "you're 23 and getting married, 23!" The kid won't stop. I try to explain him why I want to get married, why to get married, and that I am not too young to do so, but he'll never listen. I feel sorry for his lady, being dragged along like that, but she's been told and warned.

I'm also hearing the rumor mill cycling that "I'm only getting married because her parents would disapprove of us living together". Her parents would disapprove, but so would we a bit. I mean moving in itself can be quite the commitment, I guess its just the culture of today that's so inclined to avoid marriage but still reap the benefits. Kind of shady if you ask me.

So far no one has said anything towards us not being good together, which I wouldn't be surprised if it was spoken behind our backs because those I know are starting to show their true colors. Any advice on how to deal with all the negativity, the naysayers, and the otherwise demon tainted values of those I can't escape for the time being.
Comment by Darragh Creamer on March 5, 2010 at 7:04am
I found myself wondering why at around this time Nat, why I wasn't running out the door, that is.
I rationalized--My family and friends were travelling, everything was paid for, where on earth would I go-- but the truth was, I was exactly where I wanted to be.

Good luck

DROC
Comment by Chad Bellanger on February 16, 2010 at 12:46am
I my name is Chad and I have been married for two wonderful years and look forward to sharing more often in this group.
Comment by Nick on February 16, 2010 at 12:27am
Eric, many congratulations!

Happy to be a part of the group. My fiancee and I are getting married this August after being engaged over two years (we were living abroad but wanted to get married in her home state of Michigan). My biggest concern is that I'll flub some critical element like not paying the florist on time or forgetting to wear pants to the ceremony. Granted, those probably aren't too likely to happen...one would hope.
Comment by Nick H on February 15, 2010 at 8:03pm
Hey Eric, congrats. Just noticed you're from the Sue. I wrecked my Pontiac Vibe there back a few years ago. Nice town.
Comment by Eric Ciarkowski on February 15, 2010 at 10:38am
I just proposed! She had no idea I was planning on surprising her at work. She said yes and we are starting to plan a wedding sometime between August and October.
 

Members (104)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Kit replied to Kit's discussion Mother doesn't accept the fact I prefer to be single..?
"Gotta love the onion!"
2 minutes ago
Will replied to Regular Joe's discussion BREAKING: US To Normalize Relations With Cuba in the group The Great Debate
"Before talking about whether to normalize, consider who we're normalizing with. http://city-journal.org/2014/24_2_havana.html The question is, will normalizing be used to pressure Cuba to stop keeping its people in grinding poverty, or will it…"
2 minutes ago
Vytautas replied to Regular Joe's discussion BREAKING: US To Normalize Relations With Cuba in the group The Great Debate
"Why do you assume that the "cultural identity of America" is white and Christian?"
2 minutes ago
T Patrick Bailey left a comment for Danny j pasichnyk
"Thanks for the invite! I also love 80s music. Still listen to Talk Talk, New Order, Missing Persons ...."
12 minutes ago
Kit replied to Kit's discussion Mother doesn't accept the fact I prefer to be single..?
"You are blatantly condescending, and honestly, what answer did you actually give? You gave me patronising lecture about how I have no friends and don't add any value to society. You did not answer my question at all, and you gave no advice…"
14 minutes ago
Pale Horse replied to Regular Joe's discussion BREAKING: US To Normalize Relations With Cuba in the group The Great Debate
"Not that simple. We were amidst the height of the Cold War when the actual embargo began. Everyone was expecting them to nuke us. Of course we cut off relations. Frankly, I think we should still have enmity with their government. The brother of the…"
37 minutes ago
Pale Horse replied to Chu Kim's discussion The Prime Years
"You don't think next year will be better?"
43 minutes ago
Pale Horse replied to Chu Kim's discussion The Prime Years
"Physically, early to mid twenties. Mentally, thirties or forties. In wisdom, until the point of dementia. It's a shame that the wisdom age gives is paid for in youth and vitality. "Youth is wasted on the young," as they say."
44 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service