So I guess you can say I was a late bloomer and at 42, I am looking for a mentor. Just someone I could confide in, talk to, and gain some insight and wisdom. I'm engaged and have a 17 yr old daughter and two stepsons; one 14 and one 6. I feel there's always room for me to grow. If anyone is interested, please let me know!
Would be happy to get to know you and offer any level of mentoring you feel comfortable with. I am 56 yrs old. Have four kids in college. I enjoy many healthy male relationships and have long term friendships. Helping men is a mission dear to my heart.
Have a great day!
Hope you are doing well Rocco
I am 52 in June
I am engaged and getting married in 26 days
I am so sorry I let this topic fall to the way side. Life has a way of getting in the way. Especially when one wants to make changes. Seems excuses are plenty. Well, I want to revive this topic and begin to grow into a better man! Allen and Michael, I will connect with you both soon! Thank you both for your offers of friendship and help!
hugs Rocco hope you are well
Right back at you, my friend!!!
I'm so glad Rocco started this thread, and I'd like to be involved as well. I will be 52 in February, happily married, quite involved in church, and currently working on my doctorate while I teach high school Spanish. Like Rocco, I, too, was a "late bloomer".
I had a stormy, distant relationship with my father as I was growing up--at an early age, we simply seemed to "disconnect" from one another. Now that I'm older, I can see why certain things about me drove him nuts--I wish we had gotten along and that he could have spoken into my life and been a positive influence, but it is what it is. I moved out when I was 18--still too young and too immature to be out on my own--and still have trouble being mature and consistent in doing what needs to be done to reach my goals.
I hold down a job, I'm a faithful husband, and in some areas, I have my act together. But I struggle with self-discipline, laziness, being responsible, meeting deadlines, staying organized, and staying on top of things--sometimes to an embarrassing degree. I feel the lack of solid, structured, man-to-man accountability, and I'd really appreciate having someone to work with in these areas who could be tough and "no-nonsense", yet still be encouraging and sensible.
Hearty mentoring or accountabiilty partnership in which we work on weekly commitments would really be a blessing to me. At the same time, I'd be glad to be someone else's accountability "brother" to help him meet his goals and deal with his own issues in a mutual arrangement---"Iron sharpeneth iron". However, it has been my experience that most guys aren't comfortable enforcing accountability commitments or being tough about screw-ups--and there has to be a willingness to accept the unpleasant aspect of accountability as well as the positive side in order for this to work.
Contact me if this is something you'd like to consider.
Todd, I love your honestly and am also glad to know I'm not alone when it comes to "Man-ing up" at times. All in all, I am a good, caring man. I just wish I treated myself as well as I treat strangers! I'm tired of procrastinating, being lazy and bored. I need to start becoming the man I know I am!
Let's talk, I like where this is going so far. I do hope we get some more guys in here to share as well!
I hope we can get some hearty accountability partnerships going as a result of this discussion. I know it helps me to have to report to someone--and I tend to respond very well to the carrot/stick approach. Meanwhile, there is a great, inexpensive App that I've found (for Anroid) for accounting for your actions throughout the day. It's from Amimetic (http://amimetic.co.uk/) and it's called To Do Log. Unlike run-of-the-mill "to-do" lists, this is a "to do" AND a "NOT to do" list with which you assign positive points to things you should be doing (such as getting to bed on time, exercising, paying bills on time, staying on task, praying, studying, etc.) and negative "penalty" points to things you want to curtail (such as wasting time, being late for work, not keeping your word, overspending your budget, overindulging on sweets, not doing your work...etc.). You create your lists, then every day, you simply go through and click off what you've been doing, either earning or losing points as you go. You end up with a score---and your goal is to get as high of a score as you can. What you DO with that score depends on what works for you.
You can set an award for achieving a particular score over time (a present, indulgence, or some kind of incentive you work up to, for example), and / or penalties or restrictions for having too low of a score, especially if your score is a negative number (I.E. "no unnecessary Internet after supper" or "no cellphone use at work" ).
The possibilities for using this with a mentor or accountability partner are endless: your accountability partner could have you add or subtract points based on what the two of you are working on at the time---with the incentives and disincentives already set up, there's no need to rehash consequences. You could report your score every week (even daily) and then Skype or phone-chat about your progress---the system takes a lot of work out of it and adds some honesty and objectivity. The app even gives you graphs to chart your progress over time.
The cool thing about this is you don't have to wait for a mentoring brother--you can set this up, assign points, and get it up and going on your own. Amimetic has some other productivity apps as well (Habit Streak, etc.), but this one (To Do Log) seems to specifically address things for which a lot of us want accountability.
I'm loving your suggestions Todd. I will definitely check that app out. I also had an idea.....speaking of Skype chat, perhaps we all can meet for weekly or monthly video chat round ups to discuss with each other our successes and areas of needed improvement, This is in addition to having a personal mentor. If not video, then at least a chat room.
It would be fantastic if we could do that. Guys often struggle to make accountability arrangements work over the long haul. At first, EVERYBODY is enthusiastic. Naturally, you've got a new friend who is interested in helping you achieve your goals, and it's exciting. It fills a need, and you start out feeling hopeful.
But change is hard, and this gets "messy". Any mentor or accountability partner worth his salt is going to pressure you to act in your own best interest--and you want that. But what happens when being held accountable isn't new and fun anymore? What happens when your mentoring brother comes down kind of hard on you (or even lets you have it with both barrels) over an issue you don't think is that big of a deal? What happens when he doesn't accept your excuse, but you think it was valid? These complications are part of the reason why these relationships often fall by the way side soon after they start.
If we had a forum, a group, or a cyber-meet-up of somekind, we could share frustrations and give one other advice on how we're handling different issues and how we're making it work. If we can share experiences, it might have a chance. It would be worth a try.
I like the Skype idea - probably monthly. Forums, chats, etc. (for me) can be a big time suck.
yes great idea