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Male Survivors

Men who have survived childhood abuse

Website: http://www.isurvivor.ning.com
Location: WORLD
Members: 30
Latest Activity: on Friday

Discussion Forum

Healing takes time

Started by Michael J. K.. Last reply by Michael J. K. on Friday. 2 Replies

For me I was born into a family where I would experience incest on my mom's side and my dad's side of the family.  After being abused at 5 by my grand parents (mom's) on a two week trip to…Continue

Friendships

Started by Jon. Last reply by Michael J. K. Oct 11. 17 Replies

What I still have not figured out is how to have bros..real ones...the kind of guys who hold your feet to the fire, and have your back.   I've been alone all my life and until recently didn't have…Continue

Lucky to be alive and living a good life

Started by Michael J. K.. Last reply by Michael J. K. Sep 14. 4 Replies

It is not the 30 plus that sexually abused me or raped me. It is not the 20 plus that beat me up in high school after moving to a red neck high school. It is not all those that hurt me when I was 30…Continue

Understanding the abuse

Started by Michael J. K.. Last reply by Michael J. K. Aug 5. 2 Replies

There really are no words to tell you what happen to me when I was sexually abused. Years later I am starting to understand more what it has done to me. I am so grateful for loving people around me…Continue

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Comment by Upside down bloke on October 11, 2014 at 3:59am

Hiya chaps, just wanted to introduce myself to my fellow brothers here and thanks for this group.  I had a very difficult childhood and while I try to laugh it off and see it in grey, rather than black and white, it still hurts.  I feel my father stole my childhood from me through his selfishness and dealings with his own anxiety and issues of abuse himself.  He is a very injured man but also a bit arrogant and his favourite saying growing up was I'm father round here.  He moved me away from my home when I was seven to the country side and it was like a prison.  He ruled and was very intimidating. He was very controlling. I took myself off to boarding school (I almost died of home sickness) to try to get back to my old house and was able to get my parents to move back in my 20s.  I have always tried to make up for what was lost.  I have been the one to pay for this though, although I did heal some.  Through investigating spirituality, I realise that I am not my actions or what has happened to me.  I am who I am not what I have done. I am learning to just accept my past.

I always felt that I had to be there for mum so a lot of my development was curtailed to support her as I felt that men were bad and male sexuality too.

I have a male partner today who I am very fond of.  I have been influenced by the man2man alliance and frottage.  I have never been with a woman but fantasise about them but more as sex objects then love objects.  I tend to fall in love with men.  I feel a lot of hate toward my dad to this day as I feel so walled in and like my feelings don't matter - only his and making his life ok.  I have a lot of repressed masculinity today and I am going to a weekend soon that I hope will lead to some healing as so much is repressed in me.  I wonder whether I have been attracted to men as I felt I couldn't be attracted to women as that was a betrayal to my mum?  I am trying to investigate this.  I never caused waves growing up to be a good boy and make life easy for others but I wish I had.  I am speaking out more now.  What have I got to lose?  

Take care brothers and thanks for reading.  Hope I can be a help to others,

Peter

Comment by Michael J. K. on April 5, 2014 at 6:36am

HOPE-- "It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow." ~~Robert H. Goddard

We all need hope, love, and understanding. My dream is more love and kindness for the world. As much as that can happen. They say love makes the world go round. I say love makes someone's day when it is recieved and also for the one giving it. Love is so much easier than hate. Let us start thinking about love more. ~~ Michael Joseph Andrew Kullik

Comment by David Johns on November 24, 2013 at 8:46pm

Yes, Phillip, welcome to the group.

Comment by Phillip T on November 24, 2013 at 3:25pm

Thanks Joe!

Comment by Joe W on November 23, 2013 at 11:54pm

Welcome to the group, Phillip

Comment by Phillip T on November 23, 2013 at 10:25pm

Hello guys. I am a survivor, and I have had tons of therapy and am at peace with my past. 

Comment by David Johns on October 29, 2013 at 6:23am

I agree with Bob.  I remember the events that happened to me when I was 4 or 5, but I do not feel a need to share the details in here with "the whole world" (I would share them privately with anyone who might be helped though).  A therapist who specializes in (male) sexual abuse and who has a good reputation could be helpful.  The effects through the years of my abuse will never disappear; they just happened and they cannot be erased.  But my life after dealing with it has changed, and it can change for other men as well.

Comment by Bob Giraldi on October 28, 2013 at 11:55pm

Its really hard to say.  Some people never remember,which might be nature's way of protecting us. On the other hand, those who suspect it might have happened, like you, are always left wondering.  You seem to have some of the indicators, e.g., years of your childhood you can't account for, ashamed of your body, discomfort at being touched.  Its all circumstantial, you can't infer from the symptoms that you were sexually abused, other things can cause these things to happen. Still, if you do decide to pursue this you should find someone to work with who is really really good and knows what they're doing, and has a lot of years of experience. I would also recommend a male therapist, I find that for this type of thing men relate better to other men. 

Comment by T Patrick Bailey on October 28, 2013 at 9:58pm

New to AOM and surprised to see this group. I am 56 years old and have years of my childhood that I can't remember. I too was told I would never amount to anything. Not certain that there was sexual abuse but I did not wear shorts or tight clothing until mid twenties-I was ashamed of my body. I still am uncomfortable being touched. What value is trying to remember at this point? Would it be healing or should some things be left buried? I would welcome others views on this. 

Comment by Bob Giraldi on October 28, 2013 at 5:46pm

That's right. Rarely is the other child tied up and raped, its more subtle ways of taking advantage of--and taking their innocence.  As a result, we grow up thinking or feeling certain ways, and its not until later in life that we realize why and begin to understand what actually happened.

 

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