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Comment by Steve Imparl on July 7, 2012 at 9:10am

Wow. I am glad to find this group here.

Comment by Jack Brown Henry Jr. on March 24, 2012 at 5:18pm

Hello Gentlemen :

First, thanks to the person who started this group here at AoM and bravo to the members. I am one of you. I am 58, I live in Texas and grew up in Tennessee. I am a registered nurse and this year I celebrate 30 years as an RN.

If I may, I will share some basic info about my abuse, its effect on my life and my recovery. I was a victim of brutal, sodomy when I was 12, on two separate occasions a month apart. This was summer of 66. I never told anyone. The perpetrator was a 21 year old fiancé of my first cousin. He was a friend of the family. He was a real hero of mine. He was charismatic and generous and well loved. I was surprised and elated when he asked me to spend the night of his parent’s farm.

The abuse was in two stages. First was a mutual masturbation occurring in the living room after his parents went to bed. I have clear memories of this. I recall I didn’t understand it but it was not scary because the prep was nice during this part. Part two was upstairs when he put me to bed. This part I could not face and I buried it. I always knew it happened but I was able to keep it from conscious and continuous memory. I pretty well blacked out during the rape and did not recall it much the next day or for the next 45 years.

 

The second episode a month later was a repeat and blacked out again. I do recall his turning the event into being my idea the next morning and he talked about how I really made him do it but he promised he would not tell. He warned me not to tell cause if people found out I liked that kind of stuff no one would like me…not even my family.

 

Right after that second episode, he broke up with my cousin, got his engagement ring back and left. No one heard from him again and his parents went silent about his whereabouts.

 

My life went on the skids. I went from being a smart, confident kid to a withdrawn, sad little boy who couldn’t pass his grades. I turned into the dumb kid of the family. I could not recall anything but the foundling. I had buried the rape. I would remember the rape from time to time over the next 45 years but I never faced it, dealt with it and understood how it destroyed me until the fall of last year 2011. That is when my psyche opened up and I let myself face this event and began to heal.

It has been great. I had lived with fear and anxiety and depression all these years because I had a great, condemning secret I could never tell. Now I don’t have the fear or anxiety. I have begun to heal and I feel a great freedom for the first time. I feel like I found that 12 year old boy I lost 45 years ago.

 

I don’t share this story randomly. I have told my family. But I am not scared of it anymore.

Thanks for listening/reading. Like I said in my introduction “We have many things in common because we have one thing in common”.

Jack

 

 

 

Comment by Bob Giraldi on March 11, 2012 at 11:20am

This is a good organization:

http://malesurvivor.org

Comment by Eric on March 11, 2012 at 11:07am

For many years my anger was greater because of what I percieved as gender bias; these things are discussed and condemned (correctly) about little girls. Too many silent, shamed men. I recently told my wife it was very conflicting for me to fear men and be one too.

Comment by MarkTalbert on March 11, 2012 at 10:51am

Thanks, Eric!  We are survivors and we are not alone, you are correct.  I receive you healthy masculine hug and return one to you.  Thank you!

Comment by Eric on March 11, 2012 at 10:43am

Mark, I send you a strong, healthy masculine hug. It is so good to know we are not alone AND we do survive!

Comment by MarkTalbert on March 11, 2012 at 10:29am

I am early into my addressing the sexual abuse I endured from my maternal grandfather.  I was 3 years old when it started but that is all I currently remember.  My brain has worked for 40+ years to keep those memories locked away but through counseling, those memories are slowly coming out to be dealt with in a healthy manner.  

I know I told my parents when it happened and they either didn't believe me, chose not to do anything or whatever but nothing was ever done to help me back then.  To add to the issues, my father was absent during my early childhood, favored my younger (clean) brother over me and my mom used my as her confidant because my dad was off doing his thing.  It is all by the grace of God I am here today and getting healthier day by day.

Comment by Carl Monster on February 7, 2011 at 8:25am

Been there.

Been even darker...when it's been really bad I've thought about ending it all.

I am past that now, but I understand when someone takes their own life, especially to the absolute shock of others.

Comment by Eric on February 6, 2011 at 10:28pm

I got so bad with negative self-talk that I would call myself names out loud. It was like my step-father was continuing to tell me how worthless I am from the grave.

My therapist had me start doing 10 min. of positive self-talk every morning. It wasn't easy at first, seemed real hokey, but I started noticing some difference.

Comment by Carl Monster on February 6, 2011 at 2:28pm

how much a worthless, pathetic failure I was

 

That's my inner voice, but I know where that came from. I was reminded of that by one parent often, and that parent also told the spouse that they were also worthless, gutless, etc etc. It sorta seeped in and now it's part of me. 

 

Something I have to fight every day not to hear inside me.

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