"Also, scantily-dressed women are not original to the 20th century!"
How can I become more of an adult?
I'm 19, and a live-at-home student. Though I do have driving experience, I do not possess a driver's license, which I feel I place my self-worth on. Instead of relying on others for ride, I take public transportation. I have little working experience, but I have had a job before as well. My family members at times (and peers) criticize me for not having these things, and sometimes it bothers me because I feel the need to grow up and become a better representation of an adult. Some say I'm already an adult in a way because I'm a college student and how I chose to go to college in the first place. I feel from the past I have matured socially and became more confident, but I do have a driving phobia. I'm constantly worried about crashing, and I've held myself back from getting my license because I've made excuses and blamed situations that were out of my controls or in the past that I should have gotten over. I feel having a driver's license, having a job, and moving out makes me an adult, not just being a college student. I am now starting to take charge of my life, updating my resumes and such, but what can I do? Does being a student really makes me an adult?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Shane on -
Being a student makes you a student, not an adult. Taking responsibility for you and yours makes you an adult.
Car phobias are strange to me. Have you thought of taking a drivers course? I don't mean like Drivers Ed. But, an offroad or rally or performance driving course. Would teach you how to handle a vehicle properly.
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Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on -
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Permalink Reply by Marvin on -
I have finally taking responsibility for not having a license, and stopped blaming it on the car accident I was in a few years ago. I still feel very immature, and don't know if recognizing a change in my immaturity shows maturity, or if it's just recognizing a need of change.
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Permalink Reply by Marvin on
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Basically not being able to drive properly and possessing a license. I know these are silly things that I tend to fret over constantly, but I genuinely want to grow as a better adult male.
However, I feel as if I want to move out for the wrong reasons. I want my own privacy, which I do have, but for odd reason. Though I am a prude when it comes to nudity, I want to know what it's like for most guys to wander around naked in their own home (which is something I do only when home alone) all day. I guess I've became an exhibitionist or some sort, wanting to be naked all of the time in
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Permalink Reply by Jesse Harper on -
Taking responsibility for the decisions you make makes you an adult. Possibly getting a part time job and paying your way at home help you feel a little more "adult".
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Permalink Reply by Saxon on -
Traditionally, it is your father who helps you become an adult. He takes you out from the kitchen and from your mother, teaches you the ways of a man, and then kicks you out on your own. Have you asked your father? He is your first source, and then the rest of us can supplement.
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Permalink Reply by Marvin on
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My father was in and out of my life, and not the best male figure. I don't think I have any close male figures.
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Permalink Reply by Saxon on
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Then I think your first task is to come to terms with him as your main role model anyway. I believe many of the things you describe may relate to your father's problems with staying in your life.
One of the most important lessons you learn as an adult man, is that you start from where you are, not from where you wish you were.Many young men and boys wish they had a different start, a different --and "more ideal"-- father. An ideal coach. And then other men become their coaches. And while there's nothing wrong with seeking other coaches where you feel your dad may have failed, this is still not where you should start. You start with standing firmly where you are, and this is something you do only by coming fully to terms with your father, with who he is and with what you have learned from him. To the extent you haven't, you will inherit his pitfalls.
So maybe you already have come to terms with your father? Maybe? How would we know? We know when you can look your father in the eye without resentment, and say "Thank you for being my father". That is the start of your adulthood.
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Permalink Reply by Dale K on
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At nineteen, life gives a young man like you all kinds of choices. Like I told my three boys. Make your choices as best you can - and accept responsibility for the outcome - whatever happens. To me, that's the cutting edge of an adult.
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Permalink Reply by Dale K on
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I couldn't agree with Saxon more. Whatever failures your Dad had, they are still teaching moments. If you can put the resentment of youth aside and forgive (accept) his failures as 'part of life', you can still learn from his mistakes.
Network with other men as mentors. But the day may come when you really need 'Dad.' -
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