I'd like to ask what other college men feel about maintaining integrity in college. I know, personally I don't go out partying, picking up random bar floozy's for a one night stand, although that seems to be quite popular in my college (SUNY New Paltz). I was wondering what you all thought. What do you do to maintain your integrity or to better yourself in a world where popular manliness is determined by what you own, and how many women you've slept with. Also, feel free to disagree with me.
I think not partying and such is definately a very strong counter culture in college. I believe that the best way to stay on the straight and narrow is to surround yourself with like minded people. I have no desire to go out and party and have numerous one night stands, nor do any of my friends so the issue very rarely comes up.
I also think it is important to realise that companies routinely check sites such as facebook and myspace when they are evaluating job candidates and far too often those crazy nights with that result in crazy drunken photo shoots can cost people very valuable job opportunites.
On another note just thought it was interesting my girlfriend used to go to SUNY Purchase, not sure how close the schools are to each other or anything though.
Really and truly going with the mainstream benefits no one, men and women alike. The first step towards achieving greatness is to step out of our comfort zones, and for men that usually means abandoning sexual licentiousness and sentimental apathy. This does not mean stop having a sex-drive, since that is pretty much impossible, but avoid "slippery roads" if you don't want to stumble. Secondly, we should beat the expectations you just mentioned, and thus go against the stereotypes that keep us from achieving greater things.
The difference between humans and animals is the ability to reason. If we give in to all of life's pleasures we become no different than a dog or a monkey, but once we think and decide to make decisions against those things that, although seem pleasurable at the moment, will affect us in the future (like Nathan's example, in a job), then we become different from the other animals --and those who surround us.
The best piece of advice I've received on the matter came from my high school calc teacher. He told me that if you want to do well at college you should surround yourself with people you want to be like. That can mean different things to different people, but for me it lead me to get heavily involved in my church on campus. Faith can be a great motivator for maintaining integrity.
"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company." - George Washington
I might be going against the norm with this response, but I think that everything's good in moderation. I take college as a time to experiment and live life before the job world takes us in a death grip until we're lucky enough to retire.
I'm not going to lie and say I don't party, and I'm not going to lie and say I don't have sex; the trick to maintaining your integrity in these situations is to partake in these with understanding people with the same level of maturity as you. Everyone's growing and learning in college, and if you, like some people said, surround yourself with good people, these situations tend to go a lot better.
"So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: Who is the happier man? He who braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?"
RE: Nathan and drunk photos. Facebook has privacy settings for a reason. Either that, or don't post them. You have a right to your own privacy and I think it's part of your own initiative to enforce them.
I agree with you. I've learned that going out once in a while is actually really beneficial - it's a great way to get away from the stress that surrounds us on a daily basis. With that being said, it's important to keep a proper balance and not get carried away when you're getting involved in these activities. It's possible to go out and still be mature while you're doing it. You just have to use good judgement and as earlier stated, surround yourself with the right people.
One Idea that has always kept with me since my high school days is "how I will remember myself on my death bed?" Will I look back at my life and feel regret for living a shallow existence of self satisfying pursuits? Or will I die happy knowing that I lived for ideas greater than myself?
I think it becomes easier after a couple years of school, going now into my Junior year its alot easier to look past all that madness because I can see the repercussions. I can remember thinking that college was only about some of the topics you talked about above but then I saw the results of those type of actions; watching people drop out semester by semester, watching people get hooked on drugs and OD'ing in their rooms, seeing people in the college clinic for pregnancy or std's. After you see some of that stuff you chill out, you learn that your future is not worth one night of reckless fun, and that that's not the kind of fun you want.
Consistently being disciplined is a good sign of integrity. This reaches into all aspects of life, including academics, relationships, friendships, what groups you associate with, and many other things down to how you spend time on an open afternoon. There are always choices that line up with the goals you have set for yourself, and there are always choices that will pull you away from your goals.
In my time at university(Auburn University) I have seen many many people pursue an action that felt good in the moment to the detriment of a discipline more in line with their goals. I feel the main issue is maintaining a clear view on what you want to achieve while at university. For example, if you want to become a graduate student, you should probably keep discipline with your academics as that is the most important aspect of life in regards to that goal. Another example would be that you have an intense desire to leave university with friendships that will last your lifetime, in which case you should probably focus some discipline on spending time(consistently!) with those friends that you value.
As for myself, I personally do not find anything arousing about picking up random girls all the time. I have been in genuine romantic relationships, and that experience is far more interesting and fulfilling to me. I have to discipline myself every day, or I will waste time on things that do not benefit me in any way. I suppose everyone has their tough issue, and for me it is using my time in unwise ways instead of building myself up at every chance I am given.
Probably the best way to prevent yourself from doing things that you won't be particularly proud of later in life is to keep busy. Find a lot of activities or groups that you want to associate yourself with, and associate with them. Study consistently, and keep physically active. Spend a lot of time with your friends. The time will go by faster and you won't feel cheated when you're through with college.
I'll be honest. During my freshman year, I had a brief period where I'd go out to parties, get drunk, pick up girls, etc. I had always been against that, but after seeing how popular that concept was, I figured I'd try it. Thankfully, all that experience taught me is that I was right about my decisions and opinions.
To me, maintaining my integrity has not really been an issue because it's not like I'm trying to resist the urges to commit to those actions. I just naturally hate everything about the stereotypical bro, and lucky me, we have a ton of those here. So for me, I just naturally hate being around them or being associated with them in anyway so I just make sure I'm always staying down to earth and being me.
What's unfortunate is that some people have gotten the impression that it's impossible to meet women without going to parties. On the contrary, every single girl I've gotten close to and had relationships and such with, I met just in daily interactions. As for the part about ownership, I always buy things that I feel best reflect my personality and traits. If you set up your room in a way that doesn't reflect you, not only will you not feel like that's YOUR personal area, but it will also be apparent to visitors that you are just trying to "impress" people with your collection and they will actually end up becoming quite disinterested.
After an aborted attempt that was rambling and pretty much inconsequential, I'm going to try and put out my answer for the original post. It comes down to how much you desire to succeed, as well as what you define "success" as. Obviously, some men think that there's nothing better than going to college for the sole purpose of carnal pursuits. We've all seen them. For these, integrity takes a back seat to the present. These desire only to feel good in the moment. While there are both positive and negative elements to this particular course of action, for me personally there are quite a few mental and religious blocks that prevent me from trying to party myself into oblivion. As has been mentioned, some don't care for religion. But for me, faith and my own experiences with family members who have taken that particular approach to life, not just college, really prevent me from seeing benefit for myself. Integrity is a part of it, a huge part, but I think that the biggest thing for me is I know, deep down, that this part of life is fleeting, and I don't want to start being a slave to pleasures now, only to be 60 and hitting on college coeds. Obviously, some will say that it's only a phase. Maybe it is for you. And if it is, I hope and pray that you'll escape unscathed. I just know that for me, not starting is going to be the easiest way for me to avoid being unable to stop. Anyway, that's my take. Feel free to refute as you see fit. Have a good one, gentlemen.
The very best way to avoid partying recklessly in college is to write down exactly what it's costing you, then divide that by hour of class time. I suspect you won't miss another minute.
I agree with the others in the thread who say you just need to get involved in a group of friends who also want to graduate with a reasonable qualification. They say ambition is the best contraceptive, it's also the best way to stay on track at college. You can, I'd say you really should, go out while you're in college but you can't go out every night. The key to college and university is moderation and self discipline.
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