Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rebekah on October 15, 2012 at 12:58pm

In my experience, if he's looking for a "good Catholic girl" he's going to have trouble finding one who's also assertive. Not explicitly, but implicitly, "good Catholic girls" are often raised to think that being assertive is contrary to being a "good Catholic" and a "girl." To the point that the crazy idea that a liberal arts education was unfitting of "good Catholic girls" because it made them too independent of thinkers to be good wives. I have heard this from more than one person affiliated with my "Third most Catholic Catholic College."

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on October 15, 2012 at 1:26pm

Sooner or later it comes down to fate.

Permalink Reply by Mike M. on October 15, 2012 at 6:47pm

I've noticed. :\  Don't get me wrong... I believe in the spiritual headship of the husband, and so I do see the value in a woman who is able to be deferential on the rare occasion when that's relevant, but it's rather difficult to have a relationship with someone who nods and smiles no matter what you say.  I like having to make my case to someone, and getting push-back when I'm wrong... and it's impossible to trust feedback from someone who won't openly disagree with you.

Permalink Reply by Rebekah on October 15, 2012 at 6:58pm

I couldn't see how these husbands with liberal arts degrees were supposed to get by without a life partner in the intellectual life. I mean, sure, maybe they have buddies for that, but that's not the same as living with a well-educated interlocutor.

Permalink Reply by Mike M. on October 16, 2012 at 12:33am

Yeah.  It might be that I have the obnoxious habit of turning everything into an intellectual debate, but I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't participate in them with me.  Really, having someone to share that exploration of ideas with is, to me, one of the most appealing parts of getting married.

Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on October 15, 2012 at 7:21pm

I think you misunderstand headship and submission.  Nowhere does it say she's supposed to nod and smile at whatever you say.

Submission is not silent servitude.  She's supposed to pushback on you in private.  She's supposed to hold you accountable.  She's supposed to voice disagreement ... again, in private.  She's supposed to be a trusted confidant.

Headship is not dictatorship.  She gets a vote within the marriage -- but, once a decision is made, you go forward united.  Headship is sacrifical, not dictatorial -- as Christ treats His church.  Headship means the responsibility for the outcome is yours -- success is ours, failure is his.  Headship is a matter of responsibility.  The buck stops with you.

JB

Permalink Reply by Tanner on October 15, 2012 at 7:50pm

Well put and concise.

Permalink Reply by Mike M. on October 16, 2012 at 12:28am

I think you misunderstand me.  I realize that.  The problem was that she did way too much nodding and smiling.

Permalink Reply by Rick Stevens on October 21, 2012 at 5:25pm

Logan, I was 25 when I married and my wife was a virgin as well. Don't give up brother. We met at church.  My brother's wife was a virgin too and he met her at church. Sometimes I think it is where you are looking. I am soooo glad I waited. Neither of us have any baggage. I have also been able to tell my daughters that me and their mother waited and, with God's help. they can too. 

Permalink Reply by Rush Walters on December 12, 2012 at 12:01am

Thanks man I appreciate it.

Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on October 11, 2012 at 3:10pm

If you're waiting around for a sinless woman, you're in for a long, lonely life.  Every girl you meet comes with a past.  Some pasts are better than others.

 

Don't date a rescue ... but don't hold out for perfection, either.  Ultimately, find a girl that genuinely shares your principles, even if she hasn't always lived up to them.  Odds are you haven't either. 

 

JB

Permalink Reply by Josh Billings on October 11, 2012 at 5:34pm

Agreed

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