I am always the good guy, I try to be nice to everyone genuinely just in general to everyone (not just in attempts at getting laid). I'll admit that I am not the best looking guy right now at 19, and I've never even had a real relationship but I'm working on it. But literally every time I have attempted talking to a girl over the past year I have just got screwed over in the end and it sucks. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong, it seems as if they just want my attention when nobody else will give it to them.
I have four sisters, I've been married twice and I have four daughters. With that background, here is my simple advice:
The cardinal rule in sales is to find out what the potential client wants and give it to him. He'll be happy and sign on the dotted line. The same goes with women. You must sell yourself. You do that by plainly showing your Interest in who she is and what she wants. Don't talk about yourself and what you want. If you give her what she wants, chances are you'll get what you want. If you don't, move on.
You do that by plainly showing your Interest in who she is and what she wants. Don't talk about yourself and what you want. If you give her what she wants, chances are you'll get what you want.
What do you mean by "screwed over"? It'd be easier to figure out what the problem is if you weren't quite that nonspecific.
Every time I talk to a girl, they seem interested (texting a lot, exchanges on social networking websites, smiley faces). And then sooner or later they just stop talking to me...more times sooner. I don't know if they're genuinely interested in me or are just using me to have someone to talk to.
Like last year example, I talked to this girl that lived a town over, she would literally text me all day (this got annoying, but nonetheless) and I was interested in her and would try and get her to hang out with me and she would be real flaky saying she was busy and stuff and we never did hang out. Eventually she just stopped talking to me and it sucked.
And then sooner or later they just stop talking to me...
It's fairly common to get "taken for a ride". Someone pretends to like you to get free meals, tickets to shows, favors, money, anything else she can milk you for...
Plays you as long as it is convenient...
Then dumps you...often in a tirade of personal attacks on your character so that she can make it out to be all your fault...THEN when you try to figure out what went wrong...the whole sordid history comes out...all the things she did and said about you behind your back while taking you for a ride...
If you are traumatized by a girl getting cold feet--or perhaps more likely was never interested in the first place--but she mercifully ended it sooner rather than later after playing you--then read my advice again and take it to heart.You're not ready for a serious relationship, Bud. Work on friendships first, an make yourself more charismatic. You can enjoy this process.
My advice is to look through the archives here in the Relationships section. Find all the threads where there have been guys asking for advice on how to get a date. Read through all that advice. Namely the parts where time and time again we talk about stopping "hanging out" and then confidently telling the girl that you are going out and that it is in her best interest to join you.
It really reads like you are meeting girls, you are getting numbers, but as Andrew stated, you aren't closing the deal. If she texts you, gives you a number, any of that stuff that you are already getting, she is interested. Stop texting so much and start going out more.
Don't say "lets hang out", say "I'm going here, going to be one hell of a time, would be a shame if you weren't there with me", or something similar.
They stop talking because the next guy will/is close to the point that they have that date. As soon as you see interest, get together with them. You can still text(sparingly), but that is only as a supplement to real face to face interaction.
I like this. Especially: browse the site for other agony-uncle threads.
Andrew D is right that you are focused on your own perspective and not on hers.
Some girls can be nasty...yes. But so can some boys. You don't notice because you're not trying to court one. If you've had nothing but bad experiences, you're probably doing something to attract the wrong type, or not noticing a red flag.
I suggest you STOP looking for a girlfriend until you get more experience just socializing and making friends. That will give you the time and space the learn the ropes of relationships, incuding what to look for, and warning signs of problems. That will take the pressure off you.
JUST socialize. You can and should make friends (that means people who like you, but not lovers or "wannabes"), but make no attempt to pursue any serious relationships, until you're confident that you are ready. Give yourself as much time as you need; don't feel or act desperate for someone to love you or to rush the process of being ready for it. If you NEED someone to love you, that means you feel empty inside, in which case women avoid you because you have nothing to give ("nice" won't cut it), unless maybe they have their own problems.
I am always the good guy, I try to be nice to everyone
The "nice guy" act projects LOW STATUS. You didn't say what the problem is but if you got treated like the proverbial doormat I can guess why.
Be polite, be considerate, be empathetic, but DON'T go out of your way to ingratiate yourself, and don't be needy for approval. Do you understand the difference?
Now this is important: be happy WITHOUT regard to what other people say to you or how they treat you. This is extremely important. People will tend to treat you better, if you are full of joy...because that means that you have value. Think of it like this: if you need someone else to be happy, then there's something missing inside of you, and you are "needy". If you are already happy, then you project that happiness and other people are drawn to you because they want to share it with you.
Learn how to project joy, and then do that. And share it with others. Be the guy that lights up everybody's face when he walks in the room, because everybody knows they're going to have a good time with you around.
Watch every episode of this:
Great success to you in matters of love.
What I mean't by nice guy is exactly what you said, I by no means go out of my way to please people but if someone reaches out to me for help then I feel obligated to offer some insight.
But thanks for your reply, and the link. I will check this out tomorrow.
There are lots of women who are not interested in "nice guys" because they are not interested in a serious relationship. They are more interested in "cool" guys who can show them a good time in the short term.
Lots of women are just as afraid of long-term commitment as lots of guys. Really good guys who are nice can scare girls who are not ready to commit. Girls just looking for a good time tend to avoid those guys, or use them in the short-term then leave. They want to remain free, at least for a while longer. The same is true about most guys.
The guys who "get" the most girls, are the bad boys. It's always been that way, and will remain so; and especially in today's world where girls have multiple ways to avoid pregnancy.
As Cyndi Lauper said thirty years ago: "Girls just wanna have fun." It's true for most of them. So, don't be so serious. Find out if just having fun is what they want, and give it to them. If you are looking for a "good" girl with whom you can have a long-term fulfilling relationship, go to church a lot and look around.
Let me know what you think.