Alright, on behalf of a friend of the family that has a 33 yr old daughter that has had very little luck in finding the right guy, I offered to ask the AOM crew.

The young woman seems to be "normal",   no psycho tendencies, plenty cute enough by my estimation, educated ( with a Masters degree), teaching at a private school, good job, owns a house, family background is good solid middle class with no baggage.  Location is Sacramento area.

Where are all the normal guys? Shes keeps finding mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos. 

After following several discussions here, I realize there are a lot of guys that simply don't know how to approach a woman for a date. It seems most of those are the type of guys that spent more time studying and hitting the books than chasing skirts in school. Maybe you guys were the geeks and nerds, but now you've turned out pretty decent, got you education, maybe a job and a future and are ready to start looking for a serious relationship. Maybe you're just in unfamiliar territory and don't know where to look either. I'm not sure where to tell this gal ( or other women in similar situiations) to be looking.

Somebody give me a list of where she needs to be to meet gentlemen.

Thanks

 

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yes, with  mixed results. I have considered that it's her that's the problem, but I really don't think so, other than getting frustrated with some of these guys that turn out to be losers.

 

EVERY single guy she meets has something wrong with him? It's her.

 

You have a problem thinking objectively here, because she's your friend's daughter. Understandable.

I've never met her, so I can't accurately judge either. I can, however, explain my wife's friend who is in the same boat (masters degree, good job, cute, self-sufficient, can't find a "normal guy", etc). Might be something to think about.

This girl has a masters in accounting, works for a big company making enough to do a lot of international traveling, lives on the east coast in a major city. Financially she has no need for a male provider. She says that means when dating she can focus on a guy's personality and "what's really important". In reality, what happens is she automatically disqualifies anyone who is not either much better looking than her or very high status socially. Basically all of the "normal" guys she wants, she disqualifies from her dating pool before ever giving them a shot.

All that leaves her with that she actually talks to are guys who just want to bang the hottest chick they can find that night, and the guys who have high social status (recently single mid-30's executive types) who either also want to bang the hottest chick they can find that night or want someone rich and influential like themselves.

She makes the exact same complaint, that all she finds are mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos, and assholes.

 

>> Where are all the normal guys? Shes keeps finding mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos. 

 

When weird has become "normal" ... maybe she should start looking for abnormal.  Maybe the guy she's looking for isn't as normal as he used to be (or maybe he never was).  Maybe she's attracted to a particular quality that is more common among weirdos and degenerates ... is she particularly drawn to the "badboy" type?

 

Or, maybe she's just looking in the wrong places.  Where is she finding these dudes?  Don't look for guys at bars, clubs, etc.  If you're looking for a "good" guy, then you need to go to places that good guys would be -- work, school, church, etc.  You're more likely to find a weirdo than a good guy at a bar at 1am on a weekday, for instance.

 

Online isn't a bad idea.


JB

No bars,  however that "Nightingale syndrome" has been discussed with her, and she recognizes that she has that tendency.

School is her work, unfortunately very few men are elementary school teachers.

 

I can imagine.  My wife is an elementary teacher ... my understanding is that the entire staff at her school is female (from the principal down, including adminstrators, nurses, counsellors, coaches, teachers, secretaries, aides, etc.).  They had one male teacher two years ago.  He wasn't any good, apparently, and was not offered another contract.


She needs to get involved in some activities outside of work.  She has a lot of female friends, I'm sure ... set-ups aren't always a tragedy.


JB

Evening classes are reasonable idea.

Assessing what she is doing is what I'm attempting now. Obviously she ain't where they guys are. Where are the guys? At home playing X-box?

 (A) Point well taken, but trying to stay objective here, she's doesn't seem to have anymore than "normal", at least nothing that would make me run away.  Of course I'm 20 yrs older and its been awhile, and I'm not dating her.

 

 (B) absolutely, she is trying to open herself up to new opportunities, again that is what this is all about.

 

(C) always a possibility there's something, but I don't see it, she's usually confident  and outgoing,  albeit I'm not around in a dating situation.

I'd see if she has any interests outside of work. Cycling? Camping? Photography? Reading - then look for social groups around those activities. 

http://www.alaskamen.com/

 

Some rural areas have up to a 6:1 single men to female ratio.  As one lady put it though: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." 

Quote of the week   +1

Classic , will use that one .

If she labels a man, she isn't going to find a good one.  It's like they say, you got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince.  You aren't going to find any one type in any one place.  I have been dating women I meet at different places, so I can't make a suggestion for her.  Besides why does she need you to do the looking for her?  What makes you a man filter in the first place? 

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