Alright, on behalf of a friend of the family that has a 33 yr old daughter that has had very little luck in finding the right guy, I offered to ask the AOM crew.

The young woman seems to be "normal",   no psycho tendencies, plenty cute enough by my estimation, educated ( with a Masters degree), teaching at a private school, good job, owns a house, family background is good solid middle class with no baggage.  Location is Sacramento area.

Where are all the normal guys? Shes keeps finding mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos. 

After following several discussions here, I realize there are a lot of guys that simply don't know how to approach a woman for a date. It seems most of those are the type of guys that spent more time studying and hitting the books than chasing skirts in school. Maybe you guys were the geeks and nerds, but now you've turned out pretty decent, got you education, maybe a job and a future and are ready to start looking for a serious relationship. Maybe you're just in unfamiliar territory and don't know where to look either. I'm not sure where to tell this gal ( or other women in similar situiations) to be looking.

Somebody give me a list of where she needs to be to meet gentlemen.

Thanks

 

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Has she tried online dating sites?

yes, with  mixed results. I have considered that it's her that's the problem, but I really don't think so, other than getting frustrated with some of these guys that turn out to be losers.

 

EVERY single guy she meets has something wrong with him? It's her.

 

You have a problem thinking objectively here, because she's your friend's daughter. Understandable.

I've never met her, so I can't accurately judge either. I can, however, explain my wife's friend who is in the same boat (masters degree, good job, cute, self-sufficient, can't find a "normal guy", etc). Might be something to think about.

This girl has a masters in accounting, works for a big company making enough to do a lot of international traveling, lives on the east coast in a major city. Financially she has no need for a male provider. She says that means when dating she can focus on a guy's personality and "what's really important". In reality, what happens is she automatically disqualifies anyone who is not either much better looking than her or very high status socially. Basically all of the "normal" guys she wants, she disqualifies from her dating pool before ever giving them a shot.

All that leaves her with that she actually talks to are guys who just want to bang the hottest chick they can find that night, and the guys who have high social status (recently single mid-30's executive types) who either also want to bang the hottest chick they can find that night or want someone rich and influential like themselves.

She makes the exact same complaint, that all she finds are mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos, and assholes.

 

>> Where are all the normal guys? Shes keeps finding mommas boys, wimps, OCD types, bar trolls,  depressed / obsessed weirdos. 

 

When weird has become "normal" ... maybe she should start looking for abnormal.  Maybe the guy she's looking for isn't as normal as he used to be (or maybe he never was).  Maybe she's attracted to a particular quality that is more common among weirdos and degenerates ... is she particularly drawn to the "badboy" type?

 

Or, maybe she's just looking in the wrong places.  Where is she finding these dudes?  Don't look for guys at bars, clubs, etc.  If you're looking for a "good" guy, then you need to go to places that good guys would be -- work, school, church, etc.  You're more likely to find a weirdo than a good guy at a bar at 1am on a weekday, for instance.

 

Online isn't a bad idea.


JB

No bars,  however that "Nightingale syndrome" has been discussed with her, and she recognizes that she has that tendency.

School is her work, unfortunately very few men are elementary school teachers.

 

I can imagine.  My wife is an elementary teacher ... my understanding is that the entire staff at her school is female (from the principal down, including adminstrators, nurses, counsellors, coaches, teachers, secretaries, aides, etc.).  They had one male teacher two years ago.  He wasn't any good, apparently, and was not offered another contract.


She needs to get involved in some activities outside of work.  She has a lot of female friends, I'm sure ... set-ups aren't always a tragedy.


JB

Here's the thing I've noticed when I go out.  And it doesn't matter where.  My interests are pretty varied and whether I'm taking community center classes or college courses or at community events or just to the bar; women are nowhere to be found.  For a gender that makes up 51% of the population, and is the self styled "more social sex",  they appear to be represented by only about 30% (on the high side) in any given social engagement.

 

She might start by assessing whatever it is she's doing.

Evening classes are reasonable idea.

Assessing what she is doing is what I'm attempting now. Obviously she ain't where they guys are. Where are the guys? At home playing X-box?

A) No woman(nor man) is without baggage.  Being 33 and single, she is going to have considerable baggage in one way or another.

 

B) Sounds like she has worked her ass off for her career/education/money.  Great, now what she probably needs to do is go to work on herself as in dating/love/what she wants out of the rest of her life.

 

C) As Shane said, she in turn might be doing things that don't make her available for guys like those here who would like to go up to her.  Headphones on, head down, in and out of somewhere as fast as possible, talking down to people, very closed manners, and so forth

Or just sitting at home wondering why no one asked her out. 

 

It looks like she's spent the majority of her adult life either in school or in a career field dominated by women.  The type of men you're going to find in those areas look pretty good on paper, but not in practice.

 

Just, go out.

 (A) Point well taken, but trying to stay objective here, she's doesn't seem to have anymore than "normal", at least nothing that would make me run away.  Of course I'm 20 yrs older and its been awhile, and I'm not dating her.

 

 (B) absolutely, she is trying to open herself up to new opportunities, again that is what this is all about.

 

(C) always a possibility there's something, but I don't see it, she's usually confident  and outgoing,  albeit I'm not around in a dating situation.

I'd see if she has any interests outside of work. Cycling? Camping? Photography? Reading - then look for social groups around those activities. 

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