Art of Manliness

When teens go bad

There is a young boy that lives across the road from me that lives with his grandmother , I see his father on the odd occasion once or twice a year and I am pretty sure he has no imput in his life .
Of late there has been a police car visit the house at least twice a week , there have been car break ins a house that was recently sold and left vacant has had holes put in the plaster walls graffitied , the criminal activity is escalating . One of my neighbours is friends with a policeman from our local cop shop and as the boy is only 14 there is not much they can do so his advice was to beat the shit out of him but I don't think it is the most productive way to fix the situation .
Last night I was talking to another neighbour about a plan of action and we thought some kind of intervention , a big group of us front up tell him we will not tolerate the thefts and vandalism any longer he is to go back to school stick to the curfew the police placed on him , his accomplices are no longer welcome in the street , if he does not comply maybe then he would get a serious beating .
How should this situation be dealt with ? , is the threat of violence the only solution ? We always say that it takes a village to raise a child but how far do you go to put someone on the right path .

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Permalink Reply by David F. on April 3, 2013 at 8:47am

if he does not comply maybe then he would get a serious beating .

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on April 4, 2013 at 5:03am

Obviously you have read nothing but the first post .

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Permalink Reply by David F. on April 4, 2013 at 8:49am

I apologize, you are correct I did not read past that line. I am sorry. I think I have made it clear that violence is not the route to go as it will shut down the person.

My best suggestion is to reach out a hand to grandmother and then to the boy. If you want to lead him out of temptation and help him on a better path it will take work and dedication. Expect push back and testing because he probably will not trust anyone trying to a male role model given his previous experience.

I listened to an interview that might give you some in site as to how to deal with a troubled youth. In this case it was drug addition but it deals with the perspective a little bit of teenagers and some of the crap they are physiologicly and emotionally dealing with. The short form is at his guys development stage his mental state (age of development) may not be able to see good ideas from bad ideas, such as wrecking the construction sites.

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&...

If you really want to help this kid you need to see about support from the rest and be the lead and really commit to it. If you do you are a Saint in this world. I hope you accept my apology again I did not read your post close enough for that I am very remiss. Sorry. I hope the link helps you.

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Permalink Reply by Chuck Knight on April 2, 2013 at 12:04pm

Brian, as memory serves, don't you have something to do with home construction?

What are the rules about using a 14 year old on a job site?

That would provide him some money, some pride in himself, some discipline, and the company of men who would be in a position to influence him...hopefully for the better. Even if it's only running and fetching, it could be a turning point in his life. If not you, then one of the others in your neighborhood, but I would think you'd be in a perfect position to provide that help.

I believe the solution is not to shun him, perform an intervention, or anything else that could be construed as confrontational...imagining myself in his position, I would almost certainly respond negatively to someone taking that approach. I think the kid needs a more subtle approach, one which he does not necessarily see coming.

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on April 4, 2013 at 4:51am

He is not allowed on a building site , I was to take him with me when I went to my other house to work on the weekends however as my last post details is that he is now in juvi and I am not sure wether he will return to his grans . I told his gran when she came over to thank me and tell me what had transpired the night prior I left the invitation open for when and if he returns .

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Permalink Reply by Will Norman on April 4, 2013 at 6:28am

Hey my first post! Just wanted to make a couple comments.

First let me say that yes I think that if you had gotten involved with the boy earlier things "may" have been different. I think you saying it is one of the manliest things I've read on this site so kudos there. Tricky part of course is that you can't actually know, and in reality all the blame is with the kid. I feel like you stepped up and made an attempt, you also asked for advice on how to handle it, and that is no small thing either. I would say all in all you had a nice learning experience with your coming son, so that's good too.

What I would recommend, should you ever end up in this situation again, follow them around. I like your approach of trying to help the boy, really speaks to your character, but if that can't work, get some neighbors together and follow the kids around with your cell phones ready, and report them any chance you get. Don't hide, let them see you and snap pictures with your phones, or video if you like. This will eliminate the "fun" of being able to get away with stuff, and they will likely move on to a different area or find something else to do. Don't try it solo, as that just gives them a target if they get mad at you. Take turns, be visible, and don't confront them. Just let em see camera flashes and calls to the police. If nothing else the "friends" will bugger off and possibly give you a better opening to engage the kid.

Overall I would say you handled things better than many would, so nice job.

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on April 7, 2013 at 4:09am

Thank you Will , I don't deserve that much praise but ill take it and improve on my actions if future .

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Permalink Reply by Chrissie O'Bryan on April 2, 2013 at 4:47pm

I wonder if he needs a strong man to show him Christ!? Not someone to beat him but someone to listen. If his dad isn't an active role in his life he may need a man to fill that void! Please show him love. You have no idea what his life story has been! I am a teenage girl and know that when I want someone to understand when I've been wrong not someone to beat me sensless!