Art of Manliness

When teens go bad

There is a young boy that lives across the road from me that lives with his grandmother , I see his father on the odd occasion once or twice a year and I am pretty sure he has no imput in his life .
Of late there has been a police car visit the house at least twice a week , there have been car break ins a house that was recently sold and left vacant has had holes put in the plaster walls graffitied , the criminal activity is escalating . One of my neighbours is friends with a policeman from our local cop shop and as the boy is only 14 there is not much they can do so his advice was to beat the shit out of him but I don't think it is the most productive way to fix the situation .
Last night I was talking to another neighbour about a plan of action and we thought some kind of intervention , a big group of us front up tell him we will not tolerate the thefts and vandalism any longer he is to go back to school stick to the curfew the police placed on him , his accomplices are no longer welcome in the street , if he does not comply maybe then he would get a serious beating .
How should this situation be dealt with ? , is the threat of violence the only solution ? We always say that it takes a village to raise a child but how far do you go to put someone on the right path .

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Permalink Reply by Shane on March 9, 2013 at 5:48pm

Sometimes a guy needs to be smacked upside the head. Sometimes just letting him know he's fucking up will work. Sometimes nothing will. Got any boxers in the neighborhood who would take him to the gym?

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Permalink Reply by Kody F Showers on March 9, 2013 at 6:34pm

At fourteen this kid is about to enter a stage of pre adulthood. The choices he makes will influence the person he becomes as a young adult. I'm guessing a group of people who he might not know that well threatening him might not be the best way. The only advice I can offer right now is that to get a person to agree to someone elses terms takes knowledge and understanding that people don't always exhibit.

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Permalink Reply by D.J. on March 9, 2013 at 8:09pm

I like the intervention idea. If you do it, speak with his grandmother first so she's not left in the dark. Even if she objects I would recommend going through with it anyway.

I don't think the threat of violence, even after the intervention, is the best course of action. Leave it in the hands of law enforcement. If he keeps doing what he's doing he'll have to learn the consequences that the law set out for him.

It sounds to me that he needs a strong, guiding force in his life, and his grandmother isn't (and can't) provide that. You and your neighbors can be his mentors and guide him back to the right side, in place of his father. Maybe that will set him straight.

Out of curiosity, where are you from?

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on March 10, 2013 at 1:21am

D J I'm from Melbourne , Australia

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on March 10, 2013 at 1:28am

My thoughts were to talk to the grandmother as well .

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Permalink Reply by Michael D. Denny on March 9, 2013 at 8:21pm

Who is this "we " that always says it takes a village?

Let me help you out;

Put your hands on the kid, you go to jail.

hold an intervention and the kid just has something new to rebel against.

There is nothing you can do about it until he does something strong enough to have him incarcerated.

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Permalink Reply by Shahan on March 9, 2013 at 9:26pm

Somehow, I can only see that approach leading to even more strife.

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Permalink Reply by Brown Fox on March 9, 2013 at 10:13pm

I does take a village, but as someone who works with teens, I know that confrontation won't work. If his grandmother is raising him, he probably harbors lots of resentment towards his parents, not to mention the grandparent who, in his mind, screwed up his parent. Someone needs to help him understand that people care about him, but do not approve of the choices he's making. Both grandma and the teen need some professional intervention, like a social worker or psychologist. Remember-- teens have underdeveloped brains. Support this family, don't threaten them. This approach might not succeed either, but it's worth a try.

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Permalink Reply by Michael D. Denny on March 10, 2013 at 11:21am

It does not take a village. It takes two parents.

There is nothing functionally practical that can be done from outside of the family unit.

Unless of course the O.P. is considering adopting the boy.

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Permalink Reply by Chuck Neal on March 10, 2013 at 11:25am

While that is the ideal, in this situation getting involved as a mentor/friend can have some impact. No guarantee, but a lot of kids without an ideal family have benefited from a family friend, relative, boy's and girl's club mentor, or other adult that was willing to stick around and be a role model.

It just can't be a one time thing. You have to be willing to get involved for the long term, even when the kid is being difficult or it seems to be going nowhere.

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Permalink Reply by Michael D. Denny on March 10, 2013 at 12:06pm

It just can't be a one time thing. You have to be willing to get involved for the long term, even when the kid is being difficult or it seems to be going nowhere.

Kinda what I was getting at.