When is it Appropriate To Not Shake a Man's hand.?
I am a lawyer in a family law case, where an ex husband's behavior is unworthy of him being labeled as a man in my opinion. His treatment both of his children and his former wife is completely despicable. He is backed by a new wife, who makes Cruella DeVille seem like Mother Teresa. I am not prone to hyperbole, so please believe me when I say this. I have tried many hundreds of case. This person and his wife are among the top two worse I have come across in my life.
So, we have a series of depositions coming up, with the the first being tomorrow. I am anticipating an outstretched hand from this cretin( which may be giving him too much credit). I will not be extending mine either as an offer or in return, because I do not see him behaving as a man ( or a human for that matter)
If I am asked why I wont shake his hand, I am willing to say that until he begins to behave like a man, I will not be shaking his hand. I think a hand shake acknowledges some recognition of another man's respect, and it it is not owed to each person one encounters.
Guys, do you have any opinions on this?
Stein
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by swmnguy on -
"Good lawyer, real nice guy, kind of a hard ass." That's what I'd be looking for in an attorney. I think it describes my youngest brother, as well. And yeah, I have a lot of respect for my brother. He deserves it, too.
Actually, that's the reputation I hope I have in my profession, too.
I think it's only been a couple of times he's really had it in for the opposing counsel. But those make the best holiday visiting stories. One thing I've found remarkable in your profession is how much collegiality there can be between lawyers. My brother's told me of going at it hammer and tongs with the other guy, and then going out for drinks or a round of golf later and building some great relationships that way. Later, they meet each other again, go at it like dogs, and remain cordial. Sometimes they can even use their ability to work together to get better outcomes for both their clients.
I've only had one major encounter with the legal system, in a really screwed up business/tax issue with a bad partnership. I had a great lawyer. I wasn't the greatest client to start out with. He gave me a very good perspective and understanding on not just my case (which of course I thought was the end of the world) but on how to get about getting on with my life and so on. In one way I lost the case, but in every meaningful way I won like crazy because I ended the situation, walked away with a settlement I could deal with, and got the breathing room to put my life back on track and where I am today is so much better than it was then (20 years ago) I can hardly remember what that felt like. He deserves a lot of credit for that.
He's still my lawyer, and every so often I run something by him in my life and business because I value his take on things. I learned a lot from him, as well as my little brother.
Take care. Family law takes a lot out of a guy. Good for you, keeping up the good fight.
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Permalink Reply by David F. on -
Give him a great handshake. Make him feel very welcome and at ease. Do everything you can to lower his defenses for the deposition. He may be horrid but you have a job to defend your side and make him look as bad as possible. You need to get all the ammo you can.
The flip side is if he knows you don't like him, giving him a great handshake may startle him. Why would you be such a gentlemen to him? Him might wonder it might unsettle him.
Don't throw punches social or otherwise outside the court room. Wasted time and stress for no good end.
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