"Great advice already on here from Tim & Nick.
If there was any more to add for myself personally I always find it a struggle to try and be a 'true' friend to a girl that I have/had deep feelings for. This is because I have ended up…"
When is it Appropriate To Not Shake a Man's hand.?
I am a lawyer in a family law case, where an ex husband's behavior is unworthy of him being labeled as a man in my opinion. His treatment both of his children and his former wife is completely despicable. He is backed by a new wife, who makes Cruella DeVille seem like Mother Teresa. I am not prone to hyperbole, so please believe me when I say this. I have tried many hundreds of case. This person and his wife are among the top two worse I have come across in my life.
So, we have a series of depositions coming up, with the the first being tomorrow. I am anticipating an outstretched hand from this cretin( which may be giving him too much credit). I will not be extending mine either as an offer or in return, because I do not see him behaving as a man ( or a human for that matter)
If I am asked why I wont shake his hand, I am willing to say that until he begins to behave like a man, I will not be shaking his hand. I think a hand shake acknowledges some recognition of another man's respect, and it it is not owed to each person one encounters.
Guys, do you have any opinions on this?
Stein
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Stein on -
I am the ex wife's lawyer. The deposition is that of a witness.
Getting great comments here, men!
Stein
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Permalink Reply by Margie on -
Whether you shake hands or not, I'm so glad you're her lawyer, and not his.
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Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on -
I'd probably take the bullet and shake his hand until the case is over. Save the stonewalling until afterward. It is intentionally disrespectful. Intentionally disrespectful has its moments, and may be called for. But, you're not doing your Client any favors unnecessarily disrespecting her opponent before the fighting is done.
I'm sure there's enough venom between them without you adding to it. Wait until the opportune moment. Scorch him in Court, then keep your hands in your pockets when you've got your verdict.
JB
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Permalink Reply by Chuck Knight on -
Stein is in Texas, the Dallas area if memory serves. There's a reason it's called SOUTHERN hospitality. Manners count for a lot. I'd be shocked if this guy didn't try to shake hands.
Local culture must *also* be weighed in Stein's decision.
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Permalink Reply by Nathanael on -
I find it much easier to think of ways that you could hurt your client by not shaking his hand than by shaking it. Unless you have a deliberate strategy of being rude to him to provoke a reaction you think might help your case...
Your responsibility isn't to let him know how much you disdain him, it's to protect your client's interests. In the end, a settlement that's more favorable to her will hurt him a lot more than your opinion.
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Permalink Reply by Justin Cook on -
i say you shake his hand and take him for everything he has.
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Permalink Reply by Wayne W. on -
Agree w/ J.B.
But, think of the satisfaction, if after scorching him in court, - you can grab his hand, lean in - look him strainght in the eye, and give his hand a good hard firm handshake without saying a word.
After this last handshake, I would decline his hand, if ever I came upon him in public again.
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Permalink Reply by Don Johnson on
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I play amateur football (soccer) once a week and if the opposing team plays dirty all game i certainly wont shake hands after with specific members of the team. It can be heated after a loss as well which adds to the tension. I realise this is a bit different to your situation but i think alternative viewpoints can be useful.
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Permalink Reply by SteveSF on -
I'm with you. Don't demean the handshake. We have so few symbols of friendship or respect. I understand the handshake was meant to put a man at ease by demonstrating you were unarmed. You don't respect this man, don't wish to put him at ease, and while you may not be holding a knife, don't want to imply you are unarmed (in the lawyerly sense).
Look him straight in the eye and withhold the handshake.
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Permalink Reply by D.J. on -
Adding my voice to the chorus:
Shake the hand. You have to take the high road here. Not shaking his hand is playing his game, but you want to play your game. Shake the hand and be a gentleman. Show him how a true man acts by setting the example.
Also, as some other guys have pointed out, think of the satisfaction of shaking his hand when the verdict is handed down (assuming its favorable to you and not him). A hand shake in that situation will express more than words ever will.
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Permalink Reply by Will on -
First, let me acknowledge that there me professional things related to law that bear on this; I don't know them.
I think it would be possible to avoid a handshake without a snub. Turn, sit, or say "OK! Let's get started," or some other distraction that makes it seem your mind's somewhere else -- that should do it. (In a social situation, at least.)
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