I was considering where to put this article and I think it's more appropriate for a Man's life, since it's about me as to be and stay a man.
The thing is I'm at the moment 19 years old, nearing twenty, starting my second year in college (but a very different major) and life looks to be going well on the outside. The big problem is what still churns inside me.
Now more than a year ago my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. It hit me back then as a brick, went into a depression, but thanks to sites like the Art of Manliness I could climb out of it and improve myself on multiple aspects. I dare to say most of the pain's gone, but I still struggle with just hearing my ex's name or seeing a random picture. (I still dread going to her hometown, which was actually my favourite town to be and a lot of my family resides there, just because it hurts my inner side.)
Personally it's not the way I like to view myself since I'm normally a rather cheery man, I'd like to see myself improve on this aspect to be not hit so easily.
Anyway I was wondering what you guys do or could give me advice when you get a bit blue for these occasions. My usual hobbies don't work since I feel like I'm totally not in the mood for it.
Hope I can hear about some advice, since I actually hate it myself that I can get so blue just because of a random thought. (By the way, Jack Daniels or other spirits are not advice.)
I'm going to tell you how I got over the one that broke my heart. Time lots of time, time to be depressed, time to move on, time to become stronger. Also moving on with your life I suggest exercise as a personal favorite I know you said you don't feel like you're in the mood for your old hobbies but you well fell a lot better after exercising whether it's after the first time or six months after even if it's just walking. This is coming from a guy who has had his heart broken several times by several women I've loved them all but looking back now I would say I've never been "in" love.
Best way to get over a long-gone girl is to replace her. Start dating again.
It's something I've been doing really. Had about six dates in the past year. Some a bit more successful than the other. The thing is I've yet to get that click I usually had when I fell in love.
On further note I'll probably do a date next week. Hoping there's a click and maybe start something. I know somewhere inside that falling in love again will finally get rid of those horrible blues.
When I split with my ex wife, I had 6 dates a week... go with the rebound, realize that women are a dime a dozen, and ones that leave are just like the rest. When you find the one that fights to keep you (not in a fatal attraction kinda way), then youve found one worth getting depressed over... they are few and far between.
And youre correct... Jack Daniels is never good advice... but Jameson is.
I know I'm still young and many paths lie open. It may sound as I'l just overreacting, but then again I'm very much affected by my feelings, ideals and general manners.
Guess everyone needs to fight against a broken heart once in a while.
Heres the thing you dont seem to get.... you're 19. Guess what, we were too at one point. We were all very much affected by our feelings and ideals.... most of us still are. I doesn't just seem like youre over reacting, you are. In time, you'll realize that. It hurt like hell a year ago, and rightfully so. When I cut my side open with a pocket knife to dig a bullet out, that hurt like hell too, but not anymore (unless you jab it with your finger)... yet I know guys that bitch about about stab wounds 20 years old.... why because they keep poking it.
Your endless wallowing about this girl is the equivalent off poking that bullet wound. Do the smart thing... quit poking.
You know the only good thing about hitting yourself in the head with a hammer? It feels so fucking good when you stop.
It's not like I'm intentionally trying to get me sad. Oh, and I know I overreact, especially at my age, but that's just me. Something hard to just shrug off. Never can and never will be a though nut I guess.
When I posted this I had two days of this depressed state, because of some random pictures of my ex. (I was looking at some pictures some friends took at an event, unknowing she was there too.)
Anyway all his fine again. I'll try my best not to be beaten down that easily again.
Meet other people and meet women. Go on dates think about those other women, hear their names, visit their home towns.
I would guess that you were madly in love with her nd she broke it off. I had a good friend in college that had the same issue. What helped was time, lots of time and lots of other experiences.
These things you've summed up have helped me out of my depression.
And yes, I was madly in love and with madly I mean I could make a bloody temple just for her. So when she broke up my world stopped spinning for a while. Luckily I tried to get back on my feet. Now the only remaining issue is to not feel so blue every time something minuscule wakes up memories or horrible thoughts.
My advice is to take a trip, preferably out of country. I had a 3-month missions trip planned since before we even met. She knew about the trip before we were even "together." Didn't matter though, as my fiance broke up with me less than 5 days before I left. I was in bad shape, didn't feel like going anymore, but went anyway. Looking back, that was the best thing for me. It allowed time away from EVERYTHING familiar, especially reminders of her, and really forced me to get my mind off of myself and focused on the task(s) at hand. Nothing quite like seeing people living dirt-floor poor to realize how much you have to be thankful for and get your mind off what you don't have.
Btw, less than a month after I returned to the States, I rekindled a relationship with an old friend. She's now my wife, my best friend. Your story may not end so happily so quickly, but believe me, at 19, you've got plenty of time to find the right one.