Okay...I've been dating this girl for about 5 months. At one point I was so insanely sure that she was the one. We decided to move in together, then I got cold feet basically and decided not to. We had a long distance relationship for the first 4 months and didn't see each other all that often. I moved down about two weeks ago (not in with her) and since the move, all I've seen are problems, red flags, and basically felt myself wilting like a dying flower.
She was alot of what I wanted and I think I was infatuated so I didn't see anything else, plus we lived 500 miles apart. The week I moved some family came down to my dads house, and I hadn't seen my cousin in such a long time that I was really happy to see her, my cousin and I are really close, so my girlfriend came over and we were sitting there chatting with my cousin and then my cousin and I started talking about previous adventures we'd been on. Later that night (girlfriend stayed the night) she told me that she had never seen me smile that like before and then she started crying because she was jealous of my relationship with my cousin (who is a girl too) and she said "I wonder if you shouldn't be with someone more like her". Red Flag #1 - don't make me choose between you and my family.
I've always wanted a woman who would challenge me, and encourage me in every aspect of my life. I like to feel challenged. I don't feel like she challenges me. And she's also so negative. I say "I wanna buy a jeep someday " she says no. I say I want a motorcycle - No. I wanna move to Canada, or Australia, or Europe or anywhere someday - she says no. She also has become impossibly rigid on some things. I like to cut loose and have fun and she gets mad when I do. I don't want someone to tell me how to live my life. I want someone who when I say lets do it she says HELL YEA. I want someone who will encourage and motivate and challenge me. Or something to that effect. She also implied that she didn't want me to have any other friends because she doesn't have any friends who live here and if I make friends I will spend time with them and not her and thats absolutely true. I don't wanna spend every last minute with her. Those are red flags #2 & #3.
I don't feel the same burning passion for her that I used to, and in fact, any passion there was between us is pretty well gone. #4. When she comes over, I'm anxious, and when she leaves, I'm relieved. I don't look forward to seeing her. I'm not comfortable around her like I once was. I don't wanna just give up because things get real or get hard, but I don't know what I should do, could do to save the relationship, or if I should even bother trying to save the relationship.
In this case Shieldes and I are in 100% agreement. In general, if you have to ask here you already know the answer and are just seeking validation.
I wasn't saying it was all on her.
Your relationship went through a major transition. Major transitions make or break relationships. It's why you so often read that every romance should weather a major transition before moving in together/getting engaged/getting married.
This major transition broke the relationship. Be grateful it wasn't more serious.
Walk away, don't turn around. Wives are meant to support, not drag down. Learn from any mistakes you made, and think longer the second time. Keep confident and make the wise decision.
She also has become impossibly rigid on some things. I like to cut loose and have fun and she gets mad when I do. I don't want someone to tell me how to live my life. I want someone who when I say lets do it she says HELL YEA. I want someone who will encourage and motivate and challenge me. [/quote]
These are dealbreakers for me. The girl I dated before my wife was pretty obviously never going to leave the city we lived in, the city where she grew up. I knew then I was going places, and I was willing to take her, but she didn't want to go.
My wife is the one who suggested that we move to Taiwan sooner rather than later. She comes up with crazy plans to go somewhere, or new things to do, and she goes along with the crazy stuff that I come up with.
Dump her ass.
Marry her! If you want a challenge - to your sanity, hopes and dreams, your soul, Marry her!
If you want someone to control your life, and lead you into a dispirited, hopeless existence you will regret and curse - Marry her!
If you don't hope to marry her, RUN like a scalded dog!
I am in agreement when it comes to these red flags. This would be the time to end it. Though I don't think you should callously walk away. You need to have a real conversation with her. Its what an honorable man would do
Let me see if I have the facts..
You've been "dating" for five months.
Four of those you rarely saw each other.
Now after a month of actually seeing each other the passion is gone and you don't want to be around her?
This relationship is dead. It's beyond dead. It's undead.
Run. Fast. Don't work on anything. Alan Johnson is correct.