Hi! I just had a question to ask some older more mature men! I have a friend that's 18, 1 year older than I, and he has expressed a desire to get physically involved. BUT he doesn't want to have an emotional relationship. Or be my boyfriend. Does this raise a red flag? Is it normal for a young man to do this? Thanks!!

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How do you know he's looking for a "stable" of women, or is showing lack of respect?  We only know of one woman  he's approached with this proposal, the OP. As I said above, one of my dearest lifelong friends and I had that sort of relationship forty years ago, and we both respected and still respect one another a great deal, and even though she lives over a thousand miles away now, we still talk on the phone, keep in touch on FB, etc.  We both went into it with our eyes open, not expecting it to be anything other than what it was, and it was really nice for both of us at the time.

I think you're right that he doesn't want the commitment of a romantic relationship.  But I don't think it's necessary to demonize the young man - he's letting her make the choice, and we haven't heard anything to indicate he's being coercive or abusive in any way.  There are women who are ok with a "friends with benefits" relationship, and don't want the baggage of a romantic relationship either.  It's not a lack of respect, it's just a matter of wanting what he wants, and feeling her out to see if she wants the same thing.  If not, then still friends without "benefits".  No harm, no foul.

The only harm would come if the OP goes into this sort of arrangement unprepared, or expecting that he'll "come around" and fall in love with her.  Then she's probably doomed to being badly hurt.

 I feel that he is approaching a person who he feels may entertain a relationship like this,  Your situation is so much a rearity that we are talking about it right now, I dont thik it is typical of how these relationships go as you have already stated. This is not the type of relationship a father wants his daughter to have, a brother wants his sister to have, or a man wants his future spouse to have had.  I am a bit more traditional, or conventional, or old fations etc.

It is fraught with many hazards that you have already stated, if he is able to get one girl to agree to this type of relationship why would he stop at onely one?  As  this would not be a monogamous relationsp how many other women will he be with at the same time?  Why would he respect her?  Not knocking your relationship or friend but I would be hard pressed to say I respect a woman who makes herself readily available for sex only. A woman should be the image of virtue, self respect, decency, and nurturing (again traditional).  Not saying a Nun, but someone who is at least selective enough not to allow some 18 year old kid romp on her as is convenient.  While three years is not alot of time, there is a big difference from 18 (this kid) and 21 when you started your relatinship.  I suspect you would be in a severe minority of those who have had a relationship like this that did not end catastrophically.

I am not attempting to be disrespectful or sarcstic.  If there is any offense it is not intended, these are only my impressions and opinions.

He's a cad. My suggestion is to let him know, in whatever words you feel is most appropriate for you, that you are not interested being a trollop and that if he can not respect you any more than that then you have no interest in having him in your life. Now, he is going to retort with assorted reasons as to why he really does respect you and why he wants cheap, meaningless sex. Don't buy it, don't even entertain the discussion. Cut him off mid sentence and tell him you said you are not interested and that it's the end of the discussion. 

 He wants easy sex. I'd forget his name if I were you. 

Can't say I've ever heard the words, "cad" and "trollop" used outside of a cheesy Victorian costume drama before...  lol

The general consensus here is correct, Chrissie.  He wants sex, but doesn't want the responsibility that comes with a relationship.

Is it normal?  Yes.  That doesn't mean it's alright.  You know the answer yourself, based on your original question.  He doesn't even want to be your boyfriend. 

Walk away.  Be firm.  It's not just a physical act.  There's a whole lot more that comes with a sexual relationship. 

Find someone who shows more respect for you. 

It is pure sex driven desires, thats all. As for you stay away from little immature boys wanting to play daddy instead look for yourself a real gentleman one that would treat you like a queen, respect you and love you for what you're worth...more than gold. I've learn the hard way do not let that be your teacher.

I ask because he wants to have a physical relationship, I never wanted to go down this road, but here I am and some guy wants me that's a close friend of mine. And I want to know if its normal for a guy to want that or if I need to turn and run!

Your answer is in your statement.  "I never wanted to go down this road".  My suggestion is to make it clear you are not going there with him or anyone.  I suggest you say some arbitrary point in time like sophomore year of college or some such.  Just make it clear you are not interested period.

As to if that is normal in guys at that age, the thoughts are normal, the action is dictated by society.  In our society you have a choice, exercise it as YOU choose.

I just got on here, and read everything... and I am almost in tears! Haha! Thanks to everyone who took the time to write, and just to touch base and clear up stuff... I didn't tell him I had a crush on him, because I never really did. He was more like a brother that I could talk too and be close to without anything else.
I appreciated (can't remember who) wrote all about the birth control! Very interesting! And I have to give him credit for not just pushing himself upon me, but he makes sure I am ok with different things before they happen. I just don't want to be left heartbroken and pregnant, and I want a commitment that'll last for a long time. Just trying to understand this guy! Thanks Guys for the answers!

Society has twisted this behavior into the norm these days.  You seem to be holding on to your innocence. My advice.  Do that! Hold on to your innocence.  If he wants a purely physical relationship he will treat you as nothing more than garbage. He has an empty heart and is looking to fill it will meaningless sex.  Trust me.  I've been that guy, and I am ever grateful to my wife for not giving into my pressure which lead me to get to know her first and build a beautiful relationship.

+1, well said, Mr. Barnett.  Also a +1 to Nate Thallus' earlier comment.

Thanks Shane for more help on the birth control!I also really appreciated the "pros and cons." Thank you to every one who replied and left me far more knowledgeable!-Chrissie


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