Just some insights anyone willing to share points of views.

Views: 474

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Lack of trust.

Not having a bond, if a marriage is held together by "things" that aren't each other. If a marriage is held together just for example the childrens sake, the mortgage, appearances etc. A marriage should be held together by each other, if everything was removed the couple should want to stay together.

Just my 2 cents.

A marriage isn't an entity that exists on its own.   It is entirely a product of the participants.  It is toxic if you're toxic; it won't be if you're not.  As for what constitutes a toxic spouse ... did you have anything more specific?

There are very few occasions where marital problems are one-sided.  If a marriage isn't working, there's probably something each spouse can do to push in the right direction.

JB

But one spouse cannot be the only one pushing; it takes two working together.  If you can't work together at the same time then it's over.

One of the main problems marriages have is that it is made up of two individuals.  When it gets to the point where any one individual cannot or will not look at things from the other individual's perspective then there is going to be problems.  When it gets to that point things will start becoming a tit-for-tat battle.  "Well he/she did this so I'll do that".

To start fixing the marriage you have to both agree to forgive and not bring up the past.  This is one of the hardest things to do especially when arguing.

Take the biggest problem (one or maybe two) the hot button thing and work on that first, ignore the rest while you work on those; again this is hard as it is not (really) just one or two things but a whole slew of things that have built up over time.  Once you get that thing down work on the next 'hot button issue' but don't forget the previous issue(s).  But, again, you both have to agree to this in writing with signatures.

 

BUT, what do I know, I'm having difficulties in my marriage so take it for what it's worth.

I disagree, with a few exceptions.  One spouse can very often change the entire tone of the marriage ... generally, by visibly and intentionally putting their spouse before themselves, by giving the wife/husband what she/he needs even if you're not getting it back.  By sacrificing rather than struggling.  It ain't easy in a toxic environment ... but, it can right the ship.

 

Like I said, there are exceptions.  But, most people who think they're an exception, haven't tried it ... and probably aren't.

 

JB

Thank you for your input and sincerity.

I'll back that up, having experienced some very difficult times in my marriage.  Thanks to some dedicated communication from both of us, it's better now than it's been in years.

Hey Rick
Just because there are problems doesn't mean you haven't hit the nail on the head with your post. It's so easy to have problems in a marriage, but so tough to find solutions that give enough satisfaction to two people to be workable. Speaking from my own experience. Obviously this is why it is so critical to choose a good spouse, but given enough time and a few poor decisions, even the best marriage can turn into the proverbial hot mess.

A toxic marriage is one that harms, rather than aids, the well-being of the spouses and/or their children.

I very much agree with this definition.  Dysfunctional is not the same a toxic.  There are some situations that you can "live with", but a toxic situation is one that is actively destroying the participant.

One that involves contempt.  That's also a doomed marriage.

Lol..

RSS

Latest Activity

Rick Shelton replied to Jake Kempen's discussion Implications of changing my name?
"My brother (oldest) changed his name.  The difference between before and after?  Zero, nothing in his life changed other than he was out the money spent on the name change."
4 minutes ago
Vendetta5885 replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"Josh, if nothing else... You certainly provide entertainment for the end of a work day."
5 minutes ago
Josh100LuBu replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"You begin to bore me now Rusty."
9 minutes ago
Josh100LuBu replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"I've had orders from Lamat himself and you don't have to be a genius to figure that out. If you don't believe that Facebook page is my fathers then write to him and ask, hardly something important or complicated so go ahead. I've…"
10 minutes ago
Rusty Rogers replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"Well, GE, you can kiss THAT Christmas present goodbye."
17 minutes ago
Rusty Rogers replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"Um, Josh, duties? What duties do you refer to, and who has charged you with these duties? (duties implies you have been charged to do certain tasks by someone). Also, I have not asked you to forsake anything, nor have I even asked you to do…"
19 minutes ago
Josh100LuBu replied to Francis's discussion Great Article on how to buy quality sweaters
"http://www.matchesfashion.com/product/207185?country=GBR&currency=GBP&indcurrency=GBP&vzwty=cgid:15143850897|tsid:15858|cid:274894137|lid:90385304217|nw:g|crid:50167821177|rnd:12280276834678608311|dvc:c|adp:1o5|bku:1&mkwid=p79O2RyO&am…"
23 minutes ago
Jack Bauer replied to Ruben Cardenas's discussion A Monthly Menu (To Eat Out Less and Save Money)
"With a family of five, you'd be surprised how fast it adds-up.  At our worst, we were eating fast food a time or two a week, and dining out two or three times a weekend.  That's probably $25 a pop on the fast food, and…"
24 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service