I grew up in a fairly traditional family. I am 26 and have 3 sisters that are 42, 35, and 24. My mother was pretty much a stay at home mom and she is kind of a push over type. She had a very bad childhood and tends to be passive aggressive to this day. I would describe my mom as extremely non confrontational. My dad is less non confrontational and he was strict with me as a child... but he is still an anxious type person.

Only of recently have I a confronted how these have affected my dating life. I fear that I view women to be in this angelic and non confrontational way. On the same token, I tend to be a non confrontational person as well! I am certainly working on it but it just seems a part of me. Just looking for any general advice.

Views: 406

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Where's the question? What advice are you seeking? Your post seems more like a statement and less like an inquiry.

It was more like a statement yes but I there are questions behind it. I just didn't think it out before I wrote it... not good.

You and most of the men in the West. Women are conditioned to passive-aggression and non-confrontation. It's rewarded at a lot of levels and in a lot of contexts, notably in business negotiations, where the same behavior viewed positively from men is seen as negative from women, and vice versa.

My advice would be to avoid thinking in stereotypes in dealing with others, whether men or women. Expect mature, adult behavior from either gender, and practice it yourself.

 

Where this starts affecting my life is when I deal with conflict in a  relationship. I let emotions get ahold of me and start to get anxious. Instead of confronting the issue head on like I should (and I do in my career and academic endeavours) I tend to become passive aggressive and get frustrated that they don't understand where I am coming from. We end the conversation weird and I get impatient and say and do stupid things. My relationships have never ended well because of this and it makes me apprehensive to try again.

Do you like to read at all? Give "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover a shot. You can get a decent sample for free using the Amazon Kindle app. Passive aggressive tendencies seem to stem from a lack of confidence in your ability to articulate or stand up for yourself. Once you learn to be a better communicator, your resentment/frustration should decrease and you may find your view of women improving.

Just ordered it Thanks

Sweet. I'll be interested to hear your thoughts about it.

Who rewards passive aggressive behavior?  Mostly that behavior makes me not so passively aggressive.

One person's passive-aggressive behavior is another's respectful-"enough is enough" behavior.

I prefer the frying pan.

I didn't mean physical violence, Shane, but I will say that I've been known to break a plate or two over the years.

It might make you not so passively aggressive, but it can cause others to give up, become distant. If you don't like them to begin with, that's a reward.

Then there are all the contexts in which women are encouraged to drop hints rather than just say what they want. I suppose this is more among women. For example, even when she asked, it was "wrong" for me to just tell my mother, "I want you to wear the dress Dad gave you for Christmas in 1993 to my wedding." I was supposed to give her a schpeal about how whatever she decides will be great, but if she's really nervous, I can go through her closet with her. Actually just choosing is "bridezilla."

RSS

Latest Activity

Badabing commented on Badabing's photo
Thumbnail

chest

"thanks fellas"
1 hour ago
Carl Monster commented on Will's group New Warriors
"FYI (and after my rants below) I've decided to attend the brother dance this weekend for the Philly group. It's close to my office, a former AOM member invited me, and our igroup leader is participating. So I'm going, though it will…"
1 hour ago
George Henry Robbins III commented on Badabing's group Wrestling Fight Club
"Thanks Elon. Sometimes strategy and experience can overcome   other obstacles. He was also 20 years younger than me. "
1 hour ago
Josh Allen posted a video

2014 Mr England Bodybuilding Championships (HD)

Some clips of me in the competition.
1 hour ago
Josh Allen replied to Josh Allen's discussion My Fathers Bodybuilding Progress Leading Towards The 2014 Championships.
"Yes Tarquin, believe it or not it is hard work to get into competitive bodybuilding shape at any age let alone 52. I bet you have never been below 5% bodyfat in your life. "
1 hour ago
Elon Erani commented on Badabing's group Wrestling Fight Club
"George you the man! The other men in the tournament must have been afraid of you. Keep up the good work."
1 hour ago
Profile IconElon Erani and Michael J. K. joined Ian Wilson's group
Thumbnail

Out to Build Bridges

This is a GSRM (Gender Sexual Romantic Minorities or LGBTQ+) group.  But And straight men and cis-men are encouraged to join as well.However, unlike the already established AoM group "Gay and Bisexual Men", this group is wide open, no privacy settings enabled.  The overall purpose of the group is to encourage conversations between the straight and non-straight communities.  This already happens in AoM, but it is scattered.  And it can't happen in the private "Gay and Bisexual Men" group.Debate…See More
1 hour ago
George Henry Robbins III commented on Badabing's group Wrestling Fight Club
"Thanks Michael. I forgot to mention I won the overall title too. In the final bout I beat a guy who weighed 40 lbs. more than me."
1 hour ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service