I grew up in a fairly traditional family. I am 26 and have 3 sisters that are 42, 35, and 24. My mother was pretty much a stay at home mom and she is kind of a push over type. She had a very bad childhood and tends to be passive aggressive to this day. I would describe my mom as extremely non confrontational. My dad is less non confrontational and he was strict with me as a child... but he is still an anxious type person.

Only of recently have I a confronted how these have affected my dating life. I fear that I view women to be in this angelic and non confrontational way. On the same token, I tend to be a non confrontational person as well! I am certainly working on it but it just seems a part of me. Just looking for any general advice.

Views: 413

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Where's the question? What advice are you seeking? Your post seems more like a statement and less like an inquiry.

It was more like a statement yes but I there are questions behind it. I just didn't think it out before I wrote it... not good.

You and most of the men in the West. Women are conditioned to passive-aggression and non-confrontation. It's rewarded at a lot of levels and in a lot of contexts, notably in business negotiations, where the same behavior viewed positively from men is seen as negative from women, and vice versa.

My advice would be to avoid thinking in stereotypes in dealing with others, whether men or women. Expect mature, adult behavior from either gender, and practice it yourself.

 

Where this starts affecting my life is when I deal with conflict in a  relationship. I let emotions get ahold of me and start to get anxious. Instead of confronting the issue head on like I should (and I do in my career and academic endeavours) I tend to become passive aggressive and get frustrated that they don't understand where I am coming from. We end the conversation weird and I get impatient and say and do stupid things. My relationships have never ended well because of this and it makes me apprehensive to try again.

Do you like to read at all? Give "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover a shot. You can get a decent sample for free using the Amazon Kindle app. Passive aggressive tendencies seem to stem from a lack of confidence in your ability to articulate or stand up for yourself. Once you learn to be a better communicator, your resentment/frustration should decrease and you may find your view of women improving.

Just ordered it Thanks

Sweet. I'll be interested to hear your thoughts about it.

Who rewards passive aggressive behavior?  Mostly that behavior makes me not so passively aggressive.

One person's passive-aggressive behavior is another's respectful-"enough is enough" behavior.

I prefer the frying pan.

I didn't mean physical violence, Shane, but I will say that I've been known to break a plate or two over the years.

It might make you not so passively aggressive, but it can cause others to give up, become distant. If you don't like them to begin with, that's a reward.

Then there are all the contexts in which women are encouraged to drop hints rather than just say what they want. I suppose this is more among women. For example, even when she asked, it was "wrong" for me to just tell my mother, "I want you to wear the dress Dad gave you for Christmas in 1993 to my wedding." I was supposed to give her a schpeal about how whatever she decides will be great, but if she's really nervous, I can go through her closet with her. Actually just choosing is "bridezilla."

RSS

Latest Activity

Nick H replied to Joshua Hudson's discussion The Real Reason Women Cheat
"Some girl cheated on you and instead of moving on and getting over it you did this? Forget being a therapist, I think you need one."
11 minutes ago
Shane replied to Todd Serveto's discussion Revolting, Macabre Details About Planned Parenthood's Gruesome Barbarism--Where Are The Excuses? in the group The Great Debate
"Incorrect. Not only is a person not a "life" until he breaths his first breath (Gen 2:7; Ex 21:22-23/Lev 27:6), but Jewish law forbids the mourning of a child which did not live for 31 days (Rambam) because they are worthless and  not…"
28 minutes ago
Roberto commented on Tim Cunningham's photo
Thumbnail

Photo uploaded on July 19, 2015

"Love the owl picture, Tim.  You may be interested in the AoM birders' group - http://community.artofmanliness.com/group/bird-watching"
44 minutes ago
Native Son replied to Joshua's discussion Democratic presidential nomination in the group The Great Debate
"I'm thinking it's darned early to be muttering about this.  According to the New York Times, there are five declared candidates for the Democratic Party nomination.  To date, I can think of only ONE of them who has been west of…"
48 minutes ago
Michael replied to Todd Serveto's discussion Revolting, Macabre Details About Planned Parenthood's Gruesome Barbarism--Where Are The Excuses? in the group The Great Debate
"The classical Judeo-Christian definition of a soul is that of an immortal, rational spirit, which is separate from the body, but which animates man, and is created by God. If using Biblical Texts as informative, the human body is…"
1 hour ago
Sir replied to Todd Serveto's discussion Revolting, Macabre Details About Planned Parenthood's Gruesome Barbarism--Where Are The Excuses? in the group The Great Debate
"What a reasonable response!"
4 hours ago
Sean replied to Joshua Hudson's discussion The Real Reason Women Cheat
"Technical point:  "extramarital" means "outside marriage".  So for the single person the act may not be cheating, but it is still, strictly speaking, extramarital."
5 hours ago
Daniel replied to Joshua Hudson's discussion The Real Reason Women Cheat
"I see what you're saying, but I wouldn't considered it "cheating" or "extramarital" for the single one, since a single person has no commitments to cheat against, hence the distinction between extramarital vs…"
11 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service