We are two men from the Netherlands. We met a couple of years ago on the internet, and we still talk to each other on Skype to this day. We live to far apart to meet more often than once in a couple of months. It seems we a struggling with the same thing: we do not know what to do with our lives. We wake up, play videogames, go to college, go to the gym and sleep. It feels like we lack a higher purpose. We think it is a good idea to find ourselves a passion, something that will give colour to our lives, but we cannot find something that makes us happy. We sit in our rooms, we are not very confident and we have no purpose.
Also we have tried to find a mentor, or to use the lessons on the art of manliness site. In the end motivation breaks down or we make no improvements. We also do not have a big goal, like sports or joining a music club. We have thought of smithing, whitling or bee keeping. But in the end these hobbies always seem to be over romantized. Where we also imagine having a lot of females around us. Like at one moment we thought it was cool to strike steel on a anvil in a place where young ladies would see us striking the steel shirtless. Of course this is complete bullcrap, but our thinking and fantasies are really stuck in this. Every time we try to think of a new hobby, we imagine girls being very interested in us because of it. And we cannot any longer distinct what we want or even if we want anything. Also we look at older people and think they are boss, we stereotype them into something of a boss. And try to copy them. I even bought a telescope because I saw someone having one and I thought he was a boss with a lot of hobbies.
We are not very outgoing and do not have a lot of friends.
Hereby we call upon the men of art of manliness to guide us with their wisdom. It seems we are stuck. How can we break free from this and find our purpose?
Thanks a lot.
We wake up, play videogames, go to college, go to the gym and sleep.
Sounds wonderful to me from my over-scheduled perspective.
A reminder from someone's who has been in similar; remember you are in college. Study hard and expose yourself to as much as possible right now through academics, clubs and even sports. Your lives are nothing but doors upon doors that are all wide open. As time goes on they will begin to close one by one; some will be locked permanently, some you will be able to open but at great effort and cost. Keep that in mind.
Part of that is doing things totally out of your comfort zone. The challenge will wake you up and when you conquer it your self-esteem will shoot through the roof.
Don't sweat the big plan stuff; it may work for a lot of folks but it's not for everyone and the most interesting/successful people I know got where they are without any plan they knew of.
Enjoy this time of your life; you are free to be a sloth (outside of studying) as long as you are willing to recognize that it is not sustainable. Adult rewards and their responsibilities lie ahead.
As for mentors, look for them in unlikely places. The most important ones I've had I did not realize as such till years later when I looked back.
Get married and have a big family.
Both my siblings used marriage/childbirth as a strategy to become adults.
They are both divorced now.
How do people with God in their thoughts deal with this? How is it different?
Is it that you're looking for purpose because you can't find any? or because the purposes you found seem meaningless? or because the purposes you found are too hard? That is, here's a purpose: work hard and make a lot of cash. Marry and reproduce. Get as many PhD.'s as you can. My guess is there's something wrong with them. How about: improve the lot of the poor by working in a soup kitchen. Raise money for vaccines in Africa. They'd clearly be worth doing; how are they insufficient?
If you're like me, you're tempted to find purposes that are SMALLER than you are, because the bigger ones might push me in ways I don't want to go. If that's true of you, is it more courage you need?
I don't know if these are the right questions. But if you try a lot of different questions, you may find some interesting answers.
I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. - Jesus (John 10:9-11)
Read the book of John in the New Testament. There, you will discover true purpose and real life significance. :-)
I was on somewhat the same path as you two are. I was waiting for Life to come swooping in and say, "Here I am, let's go". You can't wait for it to come to you. Getting out there in the world and living it is what you have to do. Attend cultural events, go see the big city or the small towns.
Your motivation breaks down because you are losing site of the goal, but you need to look at it this way. The goal is not something that is a few steps away. The goal is not at the end, but you are reaching it every step of the way until you get to the end.
What are your career paths or College majors? What are you involved in at college? Do you attend church weekly? These can be great places to meet both mentors and mates.
No matter what you are doing to get more into life always do it with an educated mind. Don't be so desperate to connect that you connect with just anyone or anything. Guard your hearts and your minds, but get out there and start living. Also, limit your video game time as it will eat up too much of YOUR time when you need to be in the middle of Real life and not a fantasy world. Wake up everyday and make an effort to accomplish something good for yourself or help someone else.
I hope some of that helps. Don't sit around waiting like I did. Go grab it!
Start doing something that helps others, and you will find the purpose for your life and receive joy like you have never had before in your life. Go help those that need education, need help rebuilding, help the dying, feed the hungry, start working for a cause, or just be with those that have nothing. Good luck!
Ah yes, playing video games. Quit it. Seriously. I played them too, and I still do, but I play way less than I used to do before.
Start reading philosophy, I'm serious, give it a try. The mind is, in my opinion, the most important thing we have. The body can't go along forever, even if you go to the gym. The mind however may get slower, and if you're unfortunate you may even get Alzheimer's disease.
I'm a bit of pessimistic/realistic person myself. Meaning I certainly don't see us having a higher purpose. We didn't chose to live. The only thing I can say about it is that you should try to enjoy it. And in my opinion, one should pursue knowledge and manners. Those are what life makes nice, again in my opinion.
P.S. Ik ben een tijdje depressief geweest, en heb af en toe de neiging gehad mijn leven te beëindigen. Ik zag geen 'hoger' doel voor me, en voelde alsof ik er niet toe deed.
Door m'n kleding stijl te veranderen, in de leerlingenraad en DMR te gaan, en filosofie te lezen, merkte ik dat het beter ging. Op dit moment ben ik niet meer depressief, soms heb ik nog wel een kut gevoel, maar dat valt allemaal wel mee. Een mentor zoeken is, naar mijn mening, niet nodig. Zelf ben ik nu 16, en probeer zoveel mogelijk zelf te doen. Hulp is voor mij niet echt een optie, door zoveel mogelijk zelf te doen leer je veel.
1. Stop killing time by going online and playing video games.
2. Try as many different things in the real world as possible. Even though you're not motivated to do so, make it a goal to try something new / different in the real word as often as you can. If the thought of a particular activity doesn't appeal to you or feels threatening, force yourself to do it. This way you will experience a wide variety of things and meet a wide variety of people. Eventually, you will find people and activities that you enjoy and you may even discover a passion or something that will drive you in life. Also, don't focus on activities that you think will get the attention of women. Focus on trying as wide a variety of activities as possible in the hopes of finding something you enjoy doing. This could become a life-long hobby or a career or a source of lifelong friendship. (Also keep in mind that your objective shouldn't necessarily be to expose yourself to women but exposing yourself to potential passions becase the fact of the matter is that women often find themselves attracted to men with a passion even though the source of that passion is not necessarily something the women share.)
3. Travel. Save up a bit of money and embark on a group travel vacation with people more or less your own age. You'll be exposed to a variety of places, activities, people, cultures, lifestyles, etc. The more you travel, the more you see and experience, the more you realize that the world really has endless possibilities to offer you. If you don't know how to get started then just book something with an organized travel company that will do most of the work for you. Here's an example:
ESPECIALLY if you are reluctant to travel, you should travel. It will take you out of your comfort zone, give you social survival skills and expose you to the world.
The main thing I can advise you is to focus on the fact that you are in College, as Carl Monster mentioned. That means this is the time where you can expose yourself to life and the world with the least amount of limitations.
Most of my own "living and adventuring" was done during this time.
Most College students focus on drinking and having fun, not realizing that this is the perfect time to expand their world.
Travel, back pack, see the world. Your college might have a "foreign student exchange" program. Offer up your home to foreign students and learn from them. You will be surprised at the advantage of having conections all over the world. Sooner or later you can call in the favor to stay in their homes.
Head out to the world. In your youth, you can actually handle travell better than most "older" gentlemen. Learn how to live with the locals, get global.