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As an addict, you personally know the pleasures AND the pitfalls of smoking. If he is choosing to…"
Trying to Date an Expat while Abroad
Hey, my name's Steven, this is my first post here but I've been reading articles and other posts here for a long while now.
Anyway, I'm an English teacher in South Korea and originally from California and it can be difficult to meet quality girls here. I've met several very nice Korean girls but I find it difficult to connect with them on any level. So, along comes this girl who is also from California. She lives a city away from and I asked her out on a date. We went to dinner, got some drinks alone and then met up with our friends who were out. Long story short, we had a great night and the next day we decided to see each other the next weekend.
Friday comes around and she texts me and tells me that she's not ready to date, that she is still recovering from a bad relationship where her ex cheated on her and this was recently (she told me this while we were on the date). I said okay because I didn't want to push things and my life is busy right now with a vacation and visit home coming up. She says that she would like to continue this when she's feeling better. Then, a few days before I'm going to the Philippines for a week she starts up some chit-chat and eventually asks me if I want to get dinner when I get back. I say sure and that we'll figure it out when I get back.
Wednesday I go to meet her at the beach and get dinner. When I get off the bus and let her know I'm there she tells me where to meet her and where we can wait for this other girl. It never came up that this was a group thing. Later that night she asked if I was mad and as she walked me to the bus station I told her I wasn't but that I really did like her and understood what she was going through and that if I was cold it was just me trying to protect myself. We hugged, kiss on the cheek and I left.
I haven't called/texted/IM'd her since and don't think I will. I know this seems like playing the game and what I want to know, is that the right move here?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Justin Cook on -
Ask her no another outing and then ask her if she wants to be with you or not and that you just wanna know truth.
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Permalink Reply by Justin Cook on
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the truth ^
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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on -
Don't be a game player , tell her how you feel and that you are ready to date or just build a friendship , l would only move on if she plays games with you or you feel she is being dishonest , but you have to decide wether she is worth the chase .
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Permalink Reply by Nick H on -
She's not over the last guy. Heck, the fact that she brought him up on the first date is proof of that. I think she isn't ready to get serious with a new guy but likes your company. In other words, I think you are being put in what some call the friendzone. If you are looking for a serious girlfriend, I'd move on. This one won't end well.
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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on
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The dredded friend zone .
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Permalink Reply by STEVE on
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Steven
I agree with Nick H - your gal is not over her last relationship. She is not "emotionally available". This does not mean that your interest in her can't have a good outcome. It does mean you'll have to have a tremendous amount of patience and consideration for her evolution away from the last relationship. She's "on the rebound" and generally fragile. I liken a relationship like this to re-building a car that's been wrecked. You'll have to put in a lot of effort before you see the results you seek. But it can be a rewarding friendship that may last a lifetime. Stay cool, assess the situation realistically. Be honest and as per your other bloggers, I don't recommend game playing in any form.
Best of luck!
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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on
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Couldn't have said it better !
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