Posted before about my current relationship. Crazy for this young woman. Both fresh out college.This is both of our first relationship and first time being intimate, or at least to an extent. We have been together for exactly 3 months and no sex. Just lots of first base and some second. But she is scared of change and doesn't want to be hurt. So we are taking it exxxttttreemmmellly sssslllooowwww!!!!!! I really like her and have not minded waiting for her to get more comfortable. But my confidence as a 24 years old virgin man is being crushed everyday and only more recently as I interact with the world and my new grad program. Its not even pent up testosterone granted no one wants to get on my bad side right now. I live with integrity, eat right, excessive, study, and work hard so i feel like sex is my last thing i need to make me a somewhat complete man(assuming no man is actually complete).I feel like I need to finally have sex to feel more confident and that I might be wasting my time with this young woman. I tried talking about this but she is so dam emotionally closed off. Am I selfish to not want her to loose her virginity to someone else down the road? Should I wait a little longer, call it off, or call the red light district? I am being pushed to my freaking limits right now!!!! Screaming. Need some constructive suggestions.

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If she's not ready she's not ready. It says nothing about you as a man.....What would say something about you is if--while with her--you went to pick up a 2-dollar whore to get your rocks off isntead of waiting to share something special with her.  Be a man of honor, if you call it off for this, you obviously do not care about her.

 

As far as the needing sex to feel more confident, I do not know what to say to that...Maybe someone will hop into this discussion and add to what I've already offered.

 

 

No sex and only as far as second base after three long, ancient, seasons-changing months? Sounds like she has values and integrity (no offense). What's the rush? You "really like her," so "wasting [your] time with" her because she won't put out on your timetable seems a bit selfish to me. Sorry.

If you are looking at sex as something you "need to finally" have, then you're looking at sex as an item on your to-do list rather than an amazing experience that should be had in its own, right time when you both are ready, not because you need to lose the virgin card before the quarter-century mark.


I'm going to be blunt: you're still the loser that you're trying to escape being.  24, in your first relationship, still a virgin...and not by choice, because of religious or moral convictions, but because you haven't been able to get any.  You're listing off your eating, study, and work habits as if they're evidence that you're manly, but then confess that you are having the confidence you get from those "crushed" because your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex yet.  However, you simply come across as a whiny child desperate to prove himself to be a "big boy."  The manly thing to do is to respect her wishes and desires, rather than seeing her simply as a tool to fulfill your own.  If you can't live with waiting for the time to be right for her, then be honest and move on, and let her find a better man than you.

Well put. 

Harsh! But, then again, the best remedies always are.

Indeed.


JB

That's certainly what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. If patience is a virtue then it is probably not something that comes easily. I guess this is going to get me to a whole other level of manhood. And whether or not i get laid by my very own mermaid then at least I had a relationship based on integrity. This is probably the toughest mental thing I have ever done.

Glad to hear you're getting something from this -- and that you are up to the challenge!

I saw two things in OP:  one was a belief that she is emotionally closed off; the other is that you have not had sex.

The latter, others have dealt with.  I will add that it is not a mark of shame to do as many fine people have done for all of human history:  marry, then Do It.  The idea that three months is too long to wait -- and marriage isn't even in the picture! -- would strike most of humanity as, "Where did THAT come from?"  That isn't extreeemely slowwwwwwwwwwwww; it's normal.  (And why do you think it's amazingly slow?  Not by experience with previous affairs!)

Whether she is emotionally closed off is another matter.  I think she senses that you're considering dumping her, that if she isn't doing you she might be a waste of your time, and that doesn't indicate the kind of love that leads a woman to give herself w/o reservation.

That is, I think any woman would be closed off in that situation.  It wouldn't be her; it's the situation.

Of course, she might also be emotionally closed off.  The way to find out is to get to know her

"{I}t is not a mark of shame to do as many fine people have done for all of human history:  marry, then Do It."

^ This.

Nor is it a mark of shame to do what many more fine people have done for all of human history.  Find someone who wants you as much as you want her and do it.  (Marry, maybe, but at the OP's age, probably not the best idea ...)

You guys are brutal!! Is that what a father is like?

Ideally.

JB

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