When is the right time to get involved with a significant other's family?  I've often bounced back and forth on the spectrum of involvement when it comes to past girlfriends.  With my current gf of almost two years, as of this thanksgiving I am now feeling too close of comfort.

I've learned, in the past, that you can get too involved with their family and lose your objectivity on the relationship.

Scale 0 ( You block them on Facebook from even seeing your profile pic and then meet them at the wedding.)

 to 10:  You move into an apartment with her male relatives, become a wolf pack and forget you even have a gf.

What do you think?

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In a marriage or relationship headed towards marriage, the primary relationship is with the romantic partner. You have a relationship with your partner's friends and family through your partner. If your partner has a close, healthy, helpful relationship with her family, you will be helpful and somewhat close with them. If your partner has a distant, unhealthy, or unhelpful relationship, part of the romance will be creating a good relationship apart from the troublesome "family of origin."

I can't put these concepts on your scale. Maybe if I add another factor. If your partner has a +8 degree relationship with her family, your relationship to them should be +7 or +6. [It'll never be as close as she is to them.] If your partner has a negative relationship with her family, you should try to be neutral towards them.

You didn't like my definition of 10?!


Your scale just doesn't in itself have room for the most important consideration.

I've been asked to be the neutral go-between between my husband and my in-laws. I knew better. Even if I could be neutral, I shouldn't be. My job is to choose my husband, always. And to avoid situations where I'm forced to choose between him and anything else.


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