"Also, scantily-dressed women are not original to the 20th century!"
To Sir With Love: A Case Manly Manners
Have you ever heard someone say, "Don't Call me 'Sir', I work for a living!" or how about "Don't call me 'Sir', that was my Dad"? I sure have too many times and I'm here to say don't be that guy!
I was brought up in a fairly conservative and traditional Southern (US) home. My parents worked diligently to ensure I addressed them as well as, teachers and those in authority with the proper polite respect owed. Many times throughout my life I've been told, contrary to my upbringing, "You don't have to call me 'Sir' which usually left me feeling quite disconcerted. I mean how else could I convey politeness and demonstrate proper respect if not to use these tools of social grace?
Now I understand this may be somewhat unique to my region of the country and in some areas speaking "Sir" or "Ma-am" may be taken as a sign of disrespect or sarcastic disdain or so I've been told. I still find this really difficult to believe but in my defense manners-is-manners.
So, I say to you if you don't like be respected for your age or your position of authority then it is certainly your right to request not to be addressed in such well-mannered fashion. I would simply caution there is a rule you should remember. Someone calling you Sir is an indication of the hard work that went into their upbringing. Think of the parents who worked tirelessly to instill in their child the good manners to use terms like "Sir" and "Ma-am". So if you must decline say it with this caveat - "I mean no disrespect to your parents and your fine upbringing but you don't have to call me 'Sir'".
I'm now a 43 year old Supervisor with a number of fresh-faced 20-somethings who call me Sir and I like it. It's not a matter of ego
or of narcissism on my part - far from it. I accept being called Sir as
a sign of respect for the upbringing they were given. I want to
encourage, not discourage this type of behavior. I've heard many times
people say we've lost civility and mutual respect in our culture. If
this is true then me allowing someone to answer my questions with a "Yes
Sir" or "No Sir" is my way of waging war against the loss of manners. I encourage you to embrace being called Sir and encourage it.
I was brought up in a fairly conservative and traditional Southern (US) home. My parents worked diligently to ensure I addressed them as well as, teachers and those in authority with the proper polite respect owed. Many times throughout my life I've been told, contrary to my upbringing, "You don't have to call me 'Sir' which usually left me feeling quite disconcerted. I mean how else could I convey politeness and demonstrate proper respect if not to use these tools of social grace?
Now I understand this may be somewhat unique to my region of the country and in some areas speaking "Sir" or "Ma-am" may be taken as a sign of disrespect or sarcastic disdain or so I've been told. I still find this really difficult to believe but in my defense manners-is-manners.
So, I say to you if you don't like be respected for your age or your position of authority then it is certainly your right to request not to be addressed in such well-mannered fashion. I would simply caution there is a rule you should remember. Someone calling you Sir is an indication of the hard work that went into their upbringing. Think of the parents who worked tirelessly to instill in their child the good manners to use terms like "Sir" and "Ma-am". So if you must decline say it with this caveat - "I mean no disrespect to your parents and your fine upbringing but you don't have to call me 'Sir'".
I'm now a 43 year old Supervisor with a number of fresh-faced 20-somethings who call me Sir and I like it. It's not a matter of ego
or of narcissism on my part - far from it. I accept being called Sir as
a sign of respect for the upbringing they were given. I want to
encourage, not discourage this type of behavior. I've heard many times
people say we've lost civility and mutual respect in our culture. If
this is true then me allowing someone to answer my questions with a "Yes
Sir" or "No Sir" is my way of waging war against the loss of manners. I encourage you to embrace being called Sir and encourage it.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Danny E. Mason on
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I like it...
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Permalink Reply by BrianMilo on -
ma'am is pronounced differently and only used for the Queen in England
learning something new every day. i'd never heard that until now.
'Just once, I wish someone would call me "sir" without adding "you're making a scene"'
L
O
L
:)
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Permalink Reply by Luke on -
Ma'am as in jam. Also used for female officers in the armed forces, and senior female police officers.
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Permalink Reply by BrianMilo on
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I agree on most points...I encourage you to accept the title of 'sir' and complement you on your humility while accepting the term. Most let it get to their ego. however, the phrase "Don't call me sir, i work for a living" is a military thing. Sergeants are usually from blue-collar upbringing and fought, scraped, and scuffled for their post as team, squad, or platoon leader. Although they are leaders, they suffer, sweat, and even die with their "joes". The term Sergeant, (staff sergeant, master, first, etc) is a sign of respect, and also says "you are my superior, and you work harder than i do". on the other hand, the term Sir is used for Commissioned Officers (CO's: lieutenants, captains, etc). They have to have a Bachelor's degree minimum before they can become commissioned as such (unless they go green to gold...different and unimportant story), and are most times from white collar backgrounds. they shuffle paperwork and sit in a tent while we, the grunts, risk our lives. My lieutenant, for instance, had a degree in accounting. he was assigned to an infantry platoon. He knew NOTHING about military strategy and asked privates for advice. His 'leadership' defied advice from a master sgt (22 years in the army) and got 9 of my best friends burned alive in Iraq. Calling a Sgt "sir" is a great sign of disrespect because, as he says, he 'works for a living' while the CO's sip tea and chew fat. He still has an honorable title: Sergeant, which many people in the military respect more than 1LT or even CPT, in some cases. just felt i'd clarify. people who weren't in the military use the phrase because it's catchy and usually does the trick in getting a 20 yr old to stop making him feel old without allowing much room for questioning. Personally, Sir doesn't bother me, because i never held the e-5 slot in the military.
this concludes our military lingo history lesson for the day :)
Aside from that, i agree that the term 'Sir" should not be lost. I never thought i'd let my son call me sir, but the first time he told me "what?" in response to something i asked him to do, i changed my mind. "don't 'what' me, kiddo. it's 'sir'" ..."yes, sir :( "
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Permalink Reply by Devil Doc on -
I recently made the switch from being a Petty Officer to being commissioned. CPOs with 30+ years calling me sir is the weirdest thing in the world.
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Permalink Reply by Louis House on -
I was going to say this. Try calling a sergeant "sir" and not getting yelled at.
I do chuckle a bit when a civilian sees me in uniform and calls me, a private, "sir".
I've always called my teachers and professors "sir" or "miss". Or, for my French courses: "monsieur" and "madame". They've never asked me to say otherwise, and I guess it's because they know that I say it out of respect.
"Ma'am" isn't very common around my neck of the continent. If it was, it has fallen to the wayside, replaced by "miss".
Rereading To Kill a Mockingbird, I find it interesting how Scout and Jem call their father "sir".
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Permalink Reply by Thomas on -
If I don't know the person, I use the word "sir," "ma'am" or "miss." I have never encountered any uncomfortable looks or awkwardness as a result. Maybe it's because I've lived most of my life in Texas.
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Permalink Reply by Justin on -
Being serious...I love being called Mr. my students call me Mr. Sir does have its time and its place. I still get called young man..because I'm only 26...usually from my barber..who is much older than me which is fine.
When It comes to addressing women I err to miss..I feel that some might take as a compliment (the same as giving them the compliment that they look young). When I hear Ma'am or Mrs. I usually think of a lady who is much older than I and usually married.
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Permalink Reply by Jeremy P. Baran on -
Classic!
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Permalink Reply by Scott Brenner on -
I prefer Scott when being addressed, not Sir, Mister, or any other form of honorific. I believe that respect is shown in the sincerity of the words and intended tone. Respect is reciprocal; it must be earned in order to be received.
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Permalink Reply by Jack Neulist on -
Way I operate, if you've got more than a decade on me, and I'm not calling you sir or ma'am, we're either real close or we have issues that either need to be or are being resolved.
I have no problem being called sir myself. In fact, I rather like it. Much more than the diminutive "bud" or "bro" that seems to be in fashion. I'm a friendly guy, but over familiarity is not one of the better inventions of modern society.
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