My facial hair grows very fast & I have ALWAYS wanted to grow a full beard, but my wife hates it. She hates the way it feels against her skin. I usually cave after about 3 or 4 days and give in but, this time I decided that I wouldn't. I want to grow a beard Damn It! So, I haven't shaved in 8 days & I LOVE what is happening on my face. I feel rugged & masculine& honestly, more confident. I'm 38 and everything is filling in to about the same color as my hair on my head, but w/ a very distinguished patch of gray around the chin. It looks great! My wife, however, is visible upset about it. She went thru her normal 3 or 4 days of ignoring it, but when it became obvious that I wasn't going to shave, we kind of had it out. I totally see her side. She finds it unattractive, yes, but she says kissing me is like nails on a chalkboard & she can not get used to that feeling. She says she is ok w/ me "going thru this phase", but she has also made it clear that she will not be intimate w/ me until I shave. The biggest problem is that she feels hurt that I am "choosing" this over her. As stated above, this is something I have always wanted to try. I don't want to alienate & hurt my wife. I love her. But I also want to experience this right of passage. Not because I want to be selfish, but because it just feels "right" in a primal sort of way. So, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
I think you're wife's opinion should matter more to you than everybody else's. Put yourself in her shoes. What if she chopped off all her hair or something and you found it really unattractive? It would probably bother you that she "did it anyway".
I let my wife chose my cologne, even though there's a different one that I like better. I want her to be attracted to me and to feel like her opinion matters.
If I were you, I would give up on the beard! Your wife will think you're more manly for considering her opinion, rather than growing a "manly" beard instead.
I agree with Kyle, machismo aside (not form Kyle) but the wife really gets a trumping vote, what if she quit shaving whatever she shaves? Maybe you can prepare one month each year to grow and enjoy a beard, then after that month have a spectaculer date night planned out...just an idea. I think there is some kind of wierd no shave month thing guys grow facial hair, do it then. Have to make sure it does not overlap into holidays or birthdays to not ruin (in her eyes) a family photo.
I have a wife AND a daughter that will not let me grow a beard so I do understand your fustration. Win some Lose some, I still have my guns and guitars.
I agree with the guys above but there is a thing called Movember in the UK (see the site here) in which guys don't shave in November and try to grow cool mustaches and/or beards. It is all to raise money for prostate and testicular cancer and mental illness. Maybe you should shave this time around and maybe have a heart to heart chat with your wife, let her know how you feel and propose doing this month challenge to get this urge out of your system and also raise some money for charity. She might be more alright with it that way even if she still doesn't want to get intimate for the month.
I agree that her preference is what matters, but at the same time it's not right for her to hold back on intimacy for a beard.
Anyway, shave the beard.
Happy wife, happy life
Did you tell HER that it's always something you've wanted to try? Are you shaving your neck so it looks presentable? Any other comments from others worth noting? I only grow facial hair once a year on vacation (my beard doesn't grow in full enough to keep it longer). Wife has learned to tolerate it -- she also has learned that it's easier to kiss me around day four than sooner -- but also because she knows it's temporary (and because I do shave my neck). Tell her (if you haven't already) that it's temporary; maybe that'll ease her concern. But stand your ground a little, at least. (Yeah, "happy wife, happy life." But happy husband once in a while, too....)
I disagree with everyone else. If you really like your beard and you feel it's a part of who you are, keep it. She will get used to it. (If you're wondering, I've been happily married for 13 years.)
I think I'd have to shave it. Glad I don't have to. If she could be convinced she really does come first, maybe she'd be willing to see what it feels like after it grows out, because stubble feels very different from beard.
I'm a little sad this morning. I caved. I came home from work early, the kids were still at their various practices, & I shaved. When the wife walked in & saw me she jumped all over me, smiling & kissing me. Needless to say, the next 45 minutes were great. She was happy & felt valued again & I felt like a "good husband" for giving in.
However, when I woke up this morning & saw that baby smooth face looking back at me in the mirror, I felt kind of sick. I'm glad I made her happy, in a way. But in another way I feel like I'm always making her happy. I own my own business & am a good provider. We have been married for 15 years and have a good marriage & a wonderful family. We go on date nights and we have a VERY GOOD & healthy sexual relationship. It's not like I'm one of these selfish guys that comes in after working all day, pops open a beer, kicks the shoes off & the TV on, ignoring everyone until I want my dinner or another beer. And trust me, I know guys like this. No, I'm not "that guy".
So, she keeps telling me how handsome I look & how soft my skin is. She kisses me & I smile & kiss her back. She even showed me her appreciation for my grooming decision again this morning, and it was, well it was great, but...
Now, I know what you're all thinking. "Whats the problem? It's just a beard?" Look how happy she is!!! Most guys would also feel some sort of satisfaction for "doing the right thing" and "not being selfish", but in the back of my mind I have to be honest, I want to be selfish about this. I don't really know why it is affecting me so deeply, but I'm a little bitter & upset that I had to make this choice. Saying I feel like Samson may be a little dramatic, but I am not happy w/ my appearance or this look that she loves so much. I am neither self conscience or self absorbed about my appearance, but I feel like I just shaved off & washed down the drain a new & potentially important part of my identity as a man. I know... that is over the top, but it's how I feel.
So, how much of yourself are you expected to give up to make those that you love happy? And am I insane for feeling this way?
Now it sounds like you are pining.
If it means that much to you, you need to take this discussion to your wife.
Yes, a divorce. That's it! Why didn't I think of that! Whew... What a life saver. Thanks!!!
No, seriously, I know I am pining. Yes, it's true. Being a baby? Probably, but only in my own mind, not in "real life". I guess I came to this forum to lament w/ some guys who may have had a similar experience and to get it off of my chest a little, because I don't WANT it to be an issue at home. Whats done is done. I've shaved and thats it. I guess I just wanted to vent a little.
You've gotten some good advice from the men here; and you'll find those same men very good at giving a kick in the pants.