The Noble Thing To Do

Good evening gentlemen,

I, like many of you, came to this site in search of a way to become a better man. I've gained a lot of knowledge browsing the articles and the different forums this site has to offer but tonight I come to you all with a question of my own. From what I've read, you all seem like a level headed group of guys and I'd like to get your thoughts on a situation I'm in and what the noble thing to do in this situation would be.

To give you a little background, I'm a 20 year old sophomore in college, been in a great relationship with an amazing girl for almost 3 years now (we were high school sweethearts.) My girlfriend is currently studying abroad for the semester in Spain and we both share a love for different cultures. Because of that, we have befriended a lot of international students at our university and one of them has become best friends with my girlfriend and even I have formed a close friendship with her. This exchange student is a female in her mid 20's from France and both her and my girl are extremely close. Together we've been friends for about a year and half now. This is where the question comes in..

My exchange student friend calls me up about once a week just to catch up, climb at the rock wall, or just go out and get a bite to eat. It's a completely innocent friendship that my girlfriend knows all about and actually encourages, so I don't want you guys getting the wrong idea or anything. Just a nice girl. The thing is, as of a month ago, she started dating a guy and I get the impression he isn't too found of the idea of me and her spending any time together (understandable for any guy in a new relationship in my opinion.)

What I would like to know from you guys is how should I handle this situation? I'd like to talk to him, let him know I'm not out to steal his woman or anything. He knows I'm in a serious relationship and he knows about our friendship prior to their relationship. But what I'd like to know is what would the noble thing to do be? I'd like to remain friends with her especially considering we were friends before the relationship but it's also not my style to interfere with another guys relationship.

I'd appreciate any advice you guys have for this. 

Views: 358

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Liam O. on February 28, 2012 at 1:27am

"I'd like to talk to him, let him know I'm not out to steal his woman or anything. "

In phrasing a question to others you seem to have answered it yourself. I'd invite him out for a beer, explain that, and just give them a little space until their relationship is stable enough that he's not bothered.

Best of luck,

Liam

Permalink Reply by LShieldes on February 28, 2012 at 7:57am

Yep, proverbial "Beer summit"

 

That and the timing sucks with your GF out of the country.  French chick is your stand in girlfriend, so while you two aren't physical, she is taking care of some of the emotional aspects.  Some of that is going to have to go away with the new guy around.

Permalink Reply by Matt D on February 28, 2012 at 9:25am

I wouldn't say she's anywhere close to being a stand in girlfriend. We see each other at the most once a week so it's not anything serious. It's about the same amount of time, if not less than when my girlfriend was here so it's not like we just started hanging out to fill a void

Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on February 28, 2012 at 1:30am

Liam is right , as you are at this time only looking out your window of the " Johari window , you need to find out what he knows . http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/johari/johari_window.html

Permalink Reply by Titus Techera on February 28, 2012 at 3:59am

Nobility, so far as I have heard people explain it, means putting principle above expedience, especially above self-interest.

This new young man is nothing to you; you can only act nobly by your exchange-student friend. To speak briefly, nobility would seem to require your acting & speaking so as to not traduce her. Concern yourself with her reputation.

Permalink Reply by Will on February 28, 2012 at 4:12am

The idea of a young single man and young single woman being just-friends w/o romance on the horizon is a modern one.  But even moderns don't, I think, believe the man and woman can be "very close" w/o threat to either's extant romantic relationships.  Maintaining a "close" friendship with this woman invites your feelings, and hers, to change to romance.  It's not just possible; it's likely.

Better to recognize that, and put in distance.  Be friends, just not so close.  One way to start woujld be to reduce hanging out with her to times with her bf present.  (If even that.)

Permalink Reply by Edward G on February 28, 2012 at 5:51am

I would disagree on that front. I have a few very close female friends, and there are no romantic hints going on. I have been supporting them a lot through the sticky patches in their relationships, and at no point that I am aware of has my friendship caused any problems. There have been a few people (all male) who have trouble understanding the concept of a close friendship with females, but explaining it sorts that out without issue. However, I recognize that this might not be possible for other people (I have been explicitly told by people that I am the least threatening person to a relationship they know).

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on February 28, 2012 at 6:17am

How long have you been gay?

Permalink Reply by Titus Techera on February 28, 2012 at 6:22am

Maybe he is just a paragon of morality, a completely selfless creature-

Permalink Reply by Wim Boeree on February 28, 2012 at 6:34am

@Jon Dude! Don't try to offend people on the forum or try to be funny on the expense of others, that's not cool. I myself have quite a few close friends who are female, no romantic interest or anything like that, and I'm not gay.

I think you have a slight problem if you think only gay men have the ability to be just friends with a women/girl.

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on February 28, 2012 at 6:41am

When I need your advice on what to post I'll be sure to ask for it.

Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on February 28, 2012 at 6:45am

He knows I'm in a serious relationship and he knows about our friendship prior to their relationship.

No action required then.

 

 

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Nate Thallas joined Leo Doom Occulta's group
Thumbnail

Gentlemen Atheists

A Group for Courteous Non-Believers
25 minutes ago
637 Comments
Dallas the Phallus replied to Silas Moser's discussion Fun new words... in the group Philology: A Group for Verbivores
"Due to the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma, the word aftermath keeps cropping up as news reporters broadcast from the scene of all that destruction. So I began to be curious about the origin of the word aftermath, since it is 1.) kind of an odd word…"
30 minutes ago
Tyler M. replied to Daniel's discussion Casual Belts for Jeans?
"A plain brown/black leather belt isn't geared toward anything, in my opinion. My brown leather belt looks just as at home with jeans and a tee as it does with my school uniform. This is just my two cents, but I say stay with simple leather…"
36 minutes ago
Dallas the Phallus replied to Alexander Connell's discussion Wolf Blitzer pushes tornado survivor to admit she thanked the lord. She tells him she's an atheist in the group Gentlemen Atheists
"That's great. "
1 hour ago
Dennis Leber replied to Chris Hamm's discussion Who Wears a Watch Anymore?
"A gentleman wears a watch, I own several, some high end and some $20 ones. At work it presents a image of professionalism, it is a sign of power, distinguish, and manliness. Plus most importantly women notice and like it. "
1 hour ago
Nathanael replied to Matt Lange's discussion Mix and match vests
"Pictures would make it easier to judge, and it depends on the rest of the outfit as well, but I would say yes with regard to black trousers, and maybe with regard to grey.  For the grey trousers, the vest should either be identical in shade or…"
1 hour ago
Graz1802 replied to Uncle Sam's discussion 20 years old and enlisting tomorrow. Tips and thoughts?
"Some Marines have already given you some great advice.  The best advice I can give you is to just take it one day at a time.  Seeing what's on the training schedule a few days out does nothing for you.  What do you have to do…"
2 hours ago
Daniel posted a discussion

Casual Belts for Jeans?

Is there a rule to follow for wearing belts for jeans? I understand that casual belts can have bigger buckles and I am fond of a belt with a bigger buckle. Can anyone recommend any good belts for jeans? The belts I currently have are geared more for dress clothes. I was at TJ Maxx and saw some belts from LaCrosse and Ralph Polo for only $20. I was not sure if those belts were for dress pants specifically. See More
2 hours ago
1 Comment

© 2013   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service