OK. Here it is. Let's here about people that you feel excel in the art of "jackassery". We got off to a great start with Kanye West. It can be someone in the news, someone in history or someone you know.
Heh, Two of my good friends are Master Jedi in the Art of Jackassery. One got loaded and freaked out at the $80,000 price tag on a $h!++y painting and started coralling patrons over to that painting screaming "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT AN $80,000 PIECE OF ART LOOKS LIKE?!" and then he went outside and started grabbing people off of the street and bringing them in screaming "COME IN HERE! YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THE AMAZING $80,000 PAINTING!!" Later, her took a three minute piss in the middle of the street and forgot to put his tackle away.
Another night the same friend got in my car with me and as we were driving back to his place he started going on about how hot my girlfriend was and asking if he could sleep with her. I warned him once. He continued. I hit his face so hard that his head bounced off of the window and after he pulled himself together he rubbed his face and chuckled nervously saying "Dude its just me,I was just kidding...but for real can I sleep with her?" It was a short night.
Years ago almost all of my friends were lifeguards during our summer vacations. I had 2 friends that worked at the same summer development but only one had a car, so they shared a ride. One day while driving to work the car sputters, steams and stalls out on the side of the road. So the owner of the vehicle opens the hood to see what the issue is and is greeted by a not so refreshing boiling hot steam shower that leaves him burned on his arm, neck and part of his face. Well after the hospital visit and bandages we learned that although he was burned the damage would not be permanent. Needless to say regardless of the permanence of the burns, my friend was in some pain and partially incapacitated.
Now comes the JACKASSERY PART:
The fellow that was riding along and witnessed the burns and injury decided to make himself look big for the ladies that night by instigating a fight with none other than the guy that gives him a ride to work everyday! I was flabbergasted to say the least! The nerve and selfishness act of pure and utter Jackassery has to be the top of the list for all time jack asses.
1- He gets a free ride every day ( never tries to chip in for gas)
2- He does not help a friend in need instead he takes advantage of the injured party
3- He feels no remorse about the fact that his friend, could have been permanently disabled
I was told of the incident and called the Jackass over to where I was standing and began to read him the riot act as to how much of a Jackass he has been when he decides that I am out of line and begins to plead his case. So I decided to grab him by his shirt and yank his sack of useless flesh over the fence and into the pool area and shake him until the blockage that was keeping sane thought from reaching his brain was dislodged. He finally apologized to our mutual friend but he was never looked upon as a friend from most of us from that day forth.
Apparently Nick had read "The Maltese Falson". Almost the exact same story, out of Washington State, no less, is in that book. Hammett named the character "Flitcraft". BTW, the story of Flitcraft is not in the movie.
Knew a preacher once who thought he was good at physically illustrating his sermons. Once he pretended in anger to throw a big hymnbook at the congregation. The book got away from him and nearly knocked a little old lady out of the front pew. Another time, he preached his sermon while walking back and forth on their new communion table trying to illustrate that physical things were of no lasting value. Then, when he went to jump down he slipped and fell headlong down the main isle. On one other occasion, he was preaching about the story of Elijah running away from Jezebel in the Old Testament and decided to run out of the church and around the outside screaming as if the Devil himself was after him. It was a little church and summertime and the windows were all open to the outside. Well, the people were so disgusted they locked the door and wouldn't let him back in to finish. I have to smile every time I think of this guy ... but I can't call him a jackass because ... well, it's just not the Christian thing to do. :-)
On the positive side, fortunately a man is not completely defined by the moments of Jackassery he comits. This same fellow hiked in to a hillbilly's house way up in the mountains and when ordered off their property said, "Tell you what, I'll make a deal with you. If I can wrestle and whip you and your two big ole strappin boys here, you agree to come to church. If you whip me, you'll have the pleasure of tellin about a time you whipped a preacher." They took him up on it. He whipped all three of them and they showed up to church the next Sunday. Maybe it's just me ... but I have to admire a guy like that. He did a lot of other good things as well.
My vote, among many, is for Ed Peck. A dear friend of mine can explain this much better than I can.
"It is a rare thing for me to write to a political blog. However, the subject article raised my hackles. In my nearly 30 year foreign service career I was fortunate to meet some outstanding foreign service officers. Many courageous, some brilliant and most dedicated to advancing United States interests abroad. Ed Peck is not among those just mentioned.
In the early 1980's I was dispatched on an interim basis to bring order to our badly mismanaged USAID programs in the Islamic Republic of Mauritania. Upon arrival in country I immediately undertook a series measures to track the status of various development assistance projects and match this status to funds expenditures. In short order a number of financial anomalies were discovered. Accordingly I called in officers from the USAID Regional Inspector Generals office. In turn they discovered widespread corruption and major waste of U.S. government resources. Much of this corruption lead directly to Mauritanian officials including a senior government Minister.
It was in the midst of this unpleasantness that Ed Peck arrived as Ambassador. To smooth out ruffled relations with the Mauritanian government Peck's answer to the problem was to agree to expel the USAID officers that uncovered the corruption. When USAID Washington discovered what Peck had agreed to Washington informed him that if the concerned officers were forced to leave country, the entire USAID office would be closed and all USAID funding would be removed. This type of outrageous behavior is indicative of the type of individual that Ed Peck is, and further explains his misguided ramblings concerning Hizbollah.
For the record I did leave Mauritiania some time later and was appointed head of the Office of Food for Peace. Later I served as the Assistant Coordinator, Office of Counterterrorism, Department of State.
The guy in the office upstairs from mine was showing off how well he "trick handled" his Glock .45 semi-auto. When we told him to stop fooling around with the pistol he begrudgingly complied while telling us "old ladies" there was nothing to worry about as the gun was not loaded. As he put it back in the case the "empty" pistol discharged and shot one of his fingers off.
"I think my coworkers are probably getting grossed out by me walking around barefoot all day. It grosses me out to walk on the company carpet barefoot. But I have the ice pack tied around the ankle and can't put socks or shoes on over it."