So, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend who is having trouble with his 13 year old daughter. Like alot of kids her age( I know I was included here once too) she just doesn't give a hoot about school or the importance of her grades to her future. He's tried talking to her a bit but i get the sense he's run out of things to say. I don't know if anyone's gone through/going through this with your kids or if you remember how your parents got through to you but any pointer would really help and be much appreciated. Thanks guys

Views: 376

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Btw, thank you all for the advice and personal stories...I'm gonna sum them up and pass it on to my friend, so thanks for all the great replies:)

Thinking about this later it occurs to me that as you say that the problem may be that she has fallen behind and her attitude is a defense mechanism.

I always hesitate to give advice as I have to say we seemed to get a lot wrong in the parenthood business but it is vital to keep the lines of communication open.

It is vital that there is trust between parent and child, my wife was always better at it than me but we always sat and ate together after the day and they were encouraged to discuss everything at the table between themselves and with us and we often swallowed our tongues at some of the stuff that came out. We used to say to each other that it was better we knew what was going on even if we did not like it.

I think that we don't really teach they why we are teaching what we teach as well as we could.  Part of it is so you know how to do x or rather you will be able to relearn it faster when and if you need it and second it teaches you how to learn and gets you used to learning.  Learning take actions, actions take practice.  Also the why do I need to know this is a hard answer when the real answer is that you will be combining bits of everything you learn to do your job when we break it out into subjects.

You didn't post what income level the family has.  We've taken our children through neighborhoods with low income families and showed them the difference between what we have and what they will have if they don't do well in school.  That's not to say that college is right for everyone but we let them know that they are expected to do well.  I wouldn't be too sad for my step-son, who is unsure about college, if he took up a trade that would allow him to support his family (when he has one) at a decent level.  We've also let our kids know that we're not their fall back position if they don't give a good try.  We're of the sort who would rather teach a man to fish rather than give the man a fish.

Beyond spelling out the economic facts and forcing a clear cause and effect on grades vs freedom / access to fun.  I don't know what can be said.  The problem is the message leaders they have are not talking about hard work = success nor about creating opportunities for success.

Some of what I have done is to take one of my sons to the fields where people were working picking lettuce, we parked there and I made him watch them work for a while. 

I told him that if he wants to be uneducated he will wind up working stoop labor jobs that do not require an education, but they need fast hands and a strong back. 

After this I took him to the farm owners house and asked if he would allow my son to work there free of charge so he may know what it is to have to live like this, the farmer said he would be willing.  His grades came up shortly after.

Interesting.  Could backfire.

RSS

Latest Activity

Sir replied to Mongoose's discussion I Propose Removing Gender-Division in Bathrooms in the group The Great Debate
"It would be, if it were accurate.  Both sides are wiser than that. Left thinks guns are dangerous for everybody (except government agents, presumably).  They don't agree that the few are the problem. Right doesn't agree that only…"
4 minutes ago
Vendetta replied to Brandon's discussion Tattoos
"I got a tattoo of a simple cross outline on my left shoulder when I was 19 to symbolize the simple truth of Christ's salvation, the most important thing in my life. Then I became an atheist. This should be entered into one of those short short…"
10 minutes ago
Mongoose replied to Matt Spence's discussion Recommendations for Clothing Suited to Hot, Humid Weather
"Matt, I have been frequenting various thrift shops and purchasing different pants/jackets of various materials. This has given me a good basis for deciding which clothes I want to wear for which season. I have a Summer wardrobe with fabric which is…"
13 minutes ago
Matt Spence posted a discussion

Recommendations for Clothing Suited to Hot, Humid Weather

Greetings!Although I've often read the material on this site, I never joined it, so this is my first post.I've read the blog entries on dressing for hot and humid climates, and what I'm hoping this community can recommend are specific brands and / or pieces of clothing suitable for summer in the Southeastern United States. I'm a teacher, and I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I'd like your suggestions for pants and shirts that are suitable for the classroom, church, and casual events. I'm…See More
27 minutes ago
Vendetta replied to Mongoose's discussion I Propose Removing Gender-Division in Bathrooms in the group The Great Debate
"Maybe its not exactly what you are saying, but after hearing argument after argument after argument about this subject, it is interesting to hear how wildly inconsistent the left and the right are with their stances.For example:Gun laws, the few are…"
41 minutes ago
Profile IconScott McCourt, Sid Henderson, Black Cyber and 3 more joined Art of Manliness
45 minutes ago
Native Son replied to mousetastic's discussion Decline of ... in the group The Great Debate
"Extremely brave men, but there are one or two differences between our examples. Glass, Philips and Coulter were civilians, Luttrell and Shugart were members of elite military units.  As such, doing the extraordinary was their expected…"
1 hour ago
Sir replied to mousetastic's discussion Decline of ... in the group The Great Debate
"He also mentioned sex 3 times in that post. We won't need pictorial clarification on that one."
1 hour ago

© 2016   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service