So, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend who is having trouble with his 13 year old daughter. Like alot of kids her age( I know I was included here once too) she just doesn't give a hoot about school or the importance of her grades to her future. He's tried talking to her a bit but i get the sense he's run out of things to say. I don't know if anyone's gone through/going through this with your kids or if you remember how your parents got through to you but any pointer would really help and be much appreciated. Thanks guys

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We battled constantly with our sons about working harder at school, you can try saying '' Do you want to work in a horrible dead end job all your life or do you want to be able to choose?''

Mine all ended up doing pretty well and going to university but for a long time it was hell just keeping them at school. We did move one who hated his school on the grounds that if he chose the school he would make more effort and he did. A lot depends on the friends, if the friends work they work too. It is hard to encourage the sensible ones as your liking your childrens friends tends to turn your children off them!

It is , so , not easy but you have to persevere, it does come to an end and is worth the effort

"The behaviors and habits your kid picks up at school are way more important to lifetime success than their standardized test scores. Even bright kids turn into dirtbags when their school is full of dirtbags. Parents who care about their children care about keeping them away from that." Motivation Man

I work at a Grade 7-12 School and see this all the time.... Some smart, nice kid transfers in and starts hanging with some lowlifes, next thing you know they are talking back, cutting class and being a dick. Tell your friend to get his daughter in a nice private school. It will be worth the tuition.

Yeah, based on where the school is located (inner city) and the like, I'm fairly certain her "friends" aren't.the best influences...

Lots of teenagers have a pretty bleak outlook on the future of our economy.  Kind of a "why bother" attitude. 

I explain to mine that that's the exact reason why you had better try to make yourself stand out. 

I actually heard a kid say that exact thing and I was floored. Like, "we're all fu*#ed anyway so why try?" and I just don't get that attitude! No wonder cooking in a Winnabago is this generation's "American dream" now

my son is almost 13...wait, that can't be right...anyway, what we do with him is make it plain that bad grades=loss of fun stuff.  which is pretty much the same equation he'll have later in life.  we don't really harp on how his effort now will make his life later better, but rather how it will make his life now better.  his horizon is summer vacation at this point.  that and lots of support and help with schoolwork is our strategy.

I remember my parents doing a lot of that-taking away privileges if I wasn't keepin up. Sad thing was, I was such a little shit that I would rather ive a boring life with all my privileges gone than shape up and do the work. At least the first couple years of HS

Could it be that they are just not keeping up with the material and are having difficulties with it?

I should ask him. its certainly possible that she just got lost at the beginning of the year and never asked for help til it was too late(or so she felt). I've also noticed she tends to have a very short attention span and is somewhat impulsive, so I don't know if there might be a learning disability hidden there too?

At 13, it's hard to look far into the future and see how important school is. I know I didn't give a damn about school at all, because I couldn't look into the future and see that I would be breaking my back 6 days a week for minimum wage, 0 Benefits and little to no opportunity for advancement. I couldn't see how knowing the Square Root of 97 would ever help me in my future endevours (which at the time was either firefighter or HazMat tech)...


I turn 18, I've been out of school for 2 years at that point, and when I wasn't trying to find a job I was nipple-deep in a pile of garbage sorting comingle or on my knees in the dirt pulling weeds or something for cash (and working as a handyman, which I did enjoy despite the fact one of my customers didn't think she needed to pay me)


Turned 19, got a job at a plywood mill, best job I ever had, miss it, loved it almost as much as I loved my girlfriend (and she was a curvy Goth girl, just the way I likes'em, so that's a lot) but after 3 blissfull months got laid off. Was unemployed--save for swinging a hammer--for a year until I got the job at the flooring warehouse.


The reason I'm babbling like an idiot is to show that kids need to see exactly how school ties into their future.  This girl might not ever need to know the square root of the cosine of an imaginary number known as X in her chosen career field, but she will need to know it to pass her tests and get good grades so she can get into a good school and get a good education and can get a job that will help her support herself and that she will really enjoy.

See, and again I feel like that goes back to her current attitude...that she doesn't have higher aspirations than stocking shelves at the fast and easy so she says "why should I bother?" I don't know...I'm in a spot myself right now since I got laid off and at 28 I'm still working on getting a degree. I've got 14 years of work experience with some incredibly good employers, but without that magic piece of paper it doesn't count for squat...
Btw, thank you all for the advice and personal stories...I'm gonna sum them up and pass it on to my friend, so thanks for all the great replies:)


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