Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum but hear me out..
I dated this girl for a year. I'm in college at UMiami and am about to turn 21. I know I'm still young, but I can't help but thinking if I would've just be a man and put up with her I would've been set.
She comes from alot of money, is very pretty and sweet, and all around a good fit for me. My problem is she never seemed to show me enough attention/love. She was super independent and never made me feel like there was a future or anything of the sort. It was always day to day, and I never knew what the day would hold because she was very moody. The thing is that I generally am more attracted to girls who put up more of a fight. I like to be in charge and have no problem pulling girls, but the ones I want always end up being those who are strong enough to not need me.
So what do I do? Do I move on to the next one or do I try and get her back?
Would've been set how?
College is too young to form a lifelong relationship that begins with crossed signals about exclusivity, commitment, and showing affection. Find someone you click with better, or wait until you're more mature/experienced in dating.
I would say college is as good a time as any to find a spouse, assuming you are mature enough to handle and parse the dating scene.
Assuming you actually find the right person there
And DJ added "assuming you are mature enough..." Apparently this was necessary after my original warnings about compatibility and maturity. I guess we need to be incredibly explicit with the OP.
I've had a few girlfriend so far.. I don't know what it is, but my sister who is 26 and went to SMU is now married. Also, all of her best friends who are together (married or not) seem to have met in college. I know I still have a year and a half to find someone, but it is a bit discouraging when this could've been the girl I ended up with, considering I've always loved her and am still crazy about her.
I got really possessive and stupid. We lived together in NYC the past summer and had alot of fights, but at the same time had a lot of amazing memories.
I screwed up, we broke up like 3 months ago but have been seeing each other since and have been hooking up consistently and being "exclusive." Now she goes home to Brussels over Christmas break and wants us to move on.. I'm going to try and act like I don't care because that has worked in the past, but I can't help but believe that I screwed up my second chances and that's completely over.
Sorry to sound like a loser, but I'm being honest.
all around a good fit for me...I would've been set
She was super independent and never made me feel like there was a future or anything of the sort.
Do you think she would say that her life is noticeably better with you than it would be with anything she would have to give up to commit to you? Including freedom to do whatever she wants whenever she wants with whomever she wants? Does she value you as much as you need her?
If not, there is your problem. Any voluntary relationship involves some exchange of value. Imagine for example buying vegetables from the green grocer. You want to eat more than the $20 you shelled out, the greengrocer needs the money to pay his own bills more than he needs the veggies. You'll starve and he'll go bankrupt if you can't make the deal. You both are better off after the deal than before.
It's the same with personal relationships. You exchange value for value. You offer her something she doesn't have or wants more of, she offers you something you don't have or want more of. It has to be more than a sexual relationship, since that is now fairly commoditized and cheapened.
The most valuable thing you can offer a woman is to light up her life. Make her feel loved, important, cared for, protected, but most of all, make her happy. Be someone who is a joy to be around. Someone that everyone's face lights up when you walk into the room. Exude warmth, charm, and a certain joie de vivre. Those are precious qualities.
Great success to you.
what do you mean?
all my guy friends said I got the "best out of the relationship" and that everyone agreed , but I always have been the type to much prefer a girlfriend than random sluts.
She has shown her immaturity. We break up, I give her a chance, blah blah. Every time her period comes she goes psycho. Honestly I'm sort of out of her league, but she is so fragile and cute that I love her anyway. So confused whether or not I should text her and be like, " yo the problem was you never made me feel like there was a future with you" or not..
I mean we've had our share of fights.. I've been a jerk to her, but honestly I always put her first and that ended up being the problem. I cared too much about making her happy.
I guess screw her. She can do whatever she wants, I'll be happy knowing I tried my best to make it work. I'm sure she'll be crawling back (once again) before long. I've hooked up with a few girls way hotter than her, and it was fun but I miss her.
I know she won't find someone better than me, but I know I COULD find someone better than her... So I guess, I won.
If you are pulling in the strong women who don't need you that is good. Perhaps you are trying to make them need you instead of wanting them to like you. Trust me bro there is a BIG difference between a woman who is with you who needs you vs being with a woman who wants you. I have broken up with women who needed me because it was boring. I would rather be with a woman who wants me vs a woman who needs me. Strong, independent women are way hotter.
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are interested in this woman for more than her money. If not, I cannot offer you any advice that will prove effective for a lasting relationship. (If it is only her money that interests you, perhaps she has sensed that and, thus, the cold shoulder.)
But assuming you find her attractive apart from her money, begin by asking yourself some questions. What is it about her that attracts you? Which of your qualities do you believe proved initially attractive to her? Were her perceptions of you accurate?
If you created a false persona and really do not have the qualities she liked, that will come out eventually. She will feel angry or cheated or, at the very least, disappointed. That is, unless she finds the real you equally charming, the relationship likely is doomed. That's why you want to be as honest as possible in the way you represent yourself. By all means, show your qualities in the best light, but don't pretend to be what you are not.
Assuming some basic compatibility, a relationship endures, I believe, when both partners commit to a lifelong seduction of each other. Let me explain. Monotony, stolid predictability, and a habit of taking each other for granted often prove to be the death knell of a relationship. Don't get so caught up in routine that you forget how to be fun. Be a little unpredictable. Every once in a while, surprise her. Do something that, while not out of character, is something she wouldn't have expected of you.
Let me give you an example. When my wife was a young girl, she dreamed of becoming a professional dancer. As in so many childhood dreams, life happened and the dream never came to fruition. I couldn't make her a professional dancer, but three years ago I surprised her by signing us up for ballroom dancing lessons. We've been going to dances ever since and she loves it. In fact, we're going to a dance tonight.
As with most good things in life, a strong relationship doesn't just happen. You have to think. And you have to work at it.