Being a black woman is like being at the bottom of the barrel. Rotten food and mold collect at the bottoms of barrels.I feel like nobody wants/desires to be with dark skinned women in general and if I am the exception to the rule, I fit into the skew requirements. It's almost as if I feel dehumanized, not necessarily because of what has been done to my ancestors (my parents immigrated to the States, so I do not have ancestors that arrived during the slavery era) I'd be damned for someone (male) to prove me wrong. It's always reiterated that it's all "preference" but I cannot buy it. In Asian cultures, we do not exist, nobody wants darker skin. Koreans in particular are adamant about avoiding the sun and foundation comes in nuances of beige...In closing, what's the point of being on a planet that no one wants me on
Then don't invest your time in replying to my question because you're doing yourself more of an inconvenience than you are torwards me. Thus, wasting your time on someone you don't care about because...?
This seems out of my depth on so many levels.
But just a note, I think the title is the thing that draws people's skepticism most as opposed to the content of what you wrote. Any time someone mentions killing themselves on the internet people's BS meter goes up.
I also think Sir is right when being someone to build your demographic up is awesome compared to buying into the thing that might be dragging it down.
I wanted to be straightforward with the title, but this is how I truly feel, and I think that the person you mentioned is oversimplifying the problem because how would you feel if you were told you were the highest rate of cancer/obesity/std's? it wouldn't matter if you deviated from the norm because that's how the rest of the world sees you ....
hmmm, from at least my perspective, no one said anything was easy. You could call it oversimplifying, and you'd be right.
Like I said, this is out of my depth, but it seems similar to the phrase "love yourself" in general. Everyone says it, but it is rarely constructive. There might be actions for people that help with that, maybe for some people a mantra does work, probably depends on who it is. But the only advice you'll ever really get that is general enough to fit everyone is "love yourself". Which by itself feels like nothing.
I don't know what it's like to be black or a woman, and maybe that's why it gets even more general when people try to respond to you. We frankly don't know about your life first hand. We can try to sympathize, but if you're looking for honest feedback and you tell us we don't know what it's like, well, we already know that. Which makes me wonder why you are here...
I do tend to lean into what JB said about demographics that you haven't touched on, though.
I do hope you find the kind of answers you are looking for, but I find it unlikely you will find it on the internet.
In reference to the title, if you feel that that's accurate, fine. But just be aware that's how the internet is almost always going to react.
I understand where you're coming from but when I read the responses I wondered if my issue was an attraction of males (non-blacks) or if it was something else....embarrassingly enough at a party...I danced with an Asian dude that's too much of a coincidence
Ameretta, what do you do that brings you joy and gets you around people? Forget about men right now. Concentrate on being with all kinds of people doing interesting things. I'm not making light of your predicament, trust me on this. There are public schools that would welcome volunteers to tutor the students. If you live in a city with a ballet or an opera, they welcome people to come backstage and help with makeup or sewing costumes (they give great parties, too). There are art galleries and museums who desperately need volunteers. Do you play an instrument or sing? You would be great working with a children's music program. Are you a great cook? There are community centers that would love for you to come and give a weekly class to the kids. This will give you enthusiasm and a more dynamic attitude toward life. This will attract friends and perhaps something more serious will come along. You will feel useful and people will depend on you.
I know this because I am the volunteer queen. I've volunteered with the arts, historical preservation, housing for the poor, the church, assistance to the disabled, the library... I have chaired so many boards it isn't funny. There are all kinds of fascinating people who want you and need what you have to offer. You will be more than welcome, I promise.
I used to draw or invest my time in art, however, I failed several classes due to absence. My teacher loved my work. He told me that I used simple dots and circles in one of the most cryptic ways he's ever seen, and ever since I failed art (and a few other classes), I've been struggling to find a purpose. This semester in college, I am doing a little better. I have an A- in English Comp and my teacher is amazing! I can do makeup for kids and I had done an elaborate cut-crease for a fairy party and I got so many compliments! I am currently in college and I am struggling, but I am trying my best!
People need your talents. The great thing about volunteering is that you only give as much time as you can spare. Just show up when you say you will. You sound like a person with gifts. Please share them.
Thank you so much!
Here's my opinion, for whatever it's worth, based on some of my friends' experiences:
I think speaking to more black women, especially black women who feel or have grown to feel comfortable and empowered with their identity as such, about the way you feel would probably be very helpful.
And, if that doesn't make you feel any better, you could do what one of my bi-racial friends (who identifies as black) did: move to Barbados (or any other black majority country) where she feels more validated. (Whether she was actually invalidated in Canada is debatable; plenty of black live her in complete happiness. Whether she's actually more validated in Barbados is also completely subjective. But, like you said, that's her reality and that was her solution.)
You know, that sounds like a great idea. It's a sure bet that most black women aren't down on themselves for who they are. Seeing others like myself be OK with themselves has got to be freeing.