Being a black woman is like being at the bottom of the barrel. Rotten food and mold collect at the bottoms of barrels.I feel like nobody wants/desires to be with dark skinned women in general and if I am the exception to the rule, I fit into the skew requirements. It's almost as if I feel dehumanized, not necessarily because of what has been done to my ancestors (my parents immigrated to the States, so I do not have ancestors that arrived during the slavery era) I'd be damned for someone (male) to prove me wrong. It's always reiterated that it's all "preference" but I cannot buy it. In Asian cultures, we do not exist, nobody wants darker skin. Koreans in particular are adamant about avoiding the sun and foundation comes in nuances of beige...In closing, what's the point of being on a planet that no one wants me on 

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Why are you posting this here, of all places? What's your goal/point?

Isn't it obvious?  She's gone to an almost all-male, mostly white, board, to see if she gets honored or trashed.  Because she is in such distress that she, well, makes that post.  I'd say she's been trashed enough.  Let's honor her.

Yeah! Even though that seems narcissitic in retrospekt.

This may be tough to hear, but since there are plenty of people who value you and the group you're in (from God on down), and you're focused on messages of rejection and dismissal... you must have a need in you to take on those messages.

And a good thing.  They need taking on.

But you need not do your own rejection and dismissal, of yourself, of other black women, and of messages of affirmation and hope.  (There are obviously those who will say hurtful messages to black women; surely you don't want to be one of them!)  When you hear these positive messages... is there a voice inside that says, Yeah, right?  If so, that voice is internalized.  That's your target.

I admire your willingness to face this.

Thank you!

This was very compassionate. 

I'm not sure what I could say to help, although I'd like to.  It sounds like you are dealing with some specific problems that feel like general ones.  I don't know what your experiences are, but they sound difficult. 

I can say that what you describe doesn't match with what I've seen around me, so it may be more in your area or culture.  You mention Asian cultures, are you located in Asia or is there some other reason for that mention specifically?

1. You seem to have self-loathing, low self esteem, and bad self image.
2. You live in Korea? Asian countries can be tough to deal with if you are not Asian. However, I can tell you many other countries in the world DO in fact like black females and are quite accepting. You just happen to be in a place where the culture is traditionally kind of xenophobic, even with people just over their borders.
Ideally not.

Best I can tell, your complaint is that men -- particularly Asian or Korean men -- aren't into dark-skinned women. You say your parents immigrated to the U.S., so it doesn't sound like you live in Asia. You call yourself a 'black woman', so it doesn't sound like you're a dark-skinned Asian. So, why single out Asians/ Koreans? If it's because you're particularly into Asian men ... that seems a bit hypocritical.

I don't know if you're right or not about men's preferences, or Asian men's preferences. Maybe you are. So what? For most people on Earth, there are going to be more people who aren't into you -- for whatever reason -- than are. But, you don't need everybody to be into you.

Maybe many men aren't attracted to dark-skinned women ... just like many women aren't attracted to bearded men, or shorter-than-average men, or whatever. But, certainly SOME men are attracted to dark-skinned women. Too many coupled-up dark-skinned women for this problem to be universal. So, first, quit worrying about who's not into you ... and find out who is.

And -- I'll be frank here -- maybe it's not all about skin pigment. You'd have a hard time finding many men who wouldn't call Gabrielle Union "attractive". She's dark-skinned. So, second, work on what you can control ... and quit fretting over what you can't. Attitude. Clothes. Presence. Class. Grace. Fitness. Education. Etc. Not skin pigment.


A. It sounds like you don't even believe me. My parents immigrated from Ghana, in West Africa. B. I never specifically singled out Asian men, but it is obvious with the Hallyu wave that this has sort of conversation has been brought up naturally, correct me if I'm wrong.

2. Preference does not equal exclusion. You throw that word around like as if it's something that doesn't have to do with race most of the time, and that is where I think you are wrong. I don't expect everyone to like me (and I hope they don't) but I don't want the same resounding feeling of being at the bottom of the barrel no matter how attractive, or classy I am because of my skin pigment, and unless you were my skin color..I don't think you can understand that. 

I never specifically singled out Asian men, but it is obvious with the Hallyu wave that this has sort of conversation has been brought up naturally, correct me if I'm wrong.

Actually you did single out Asian men, and Koreans specifically.

In Asian cultures, we do not exist, nobody wants darker skin. Koreans in particular are adamant about avoiding the sun and foundation comes in nuances of beige

However, it now sounds like that was an unintentional red herring.  I guess you were using those merely as specific examples of what you feel is a more general, even worldwide, problem.

2. Preference does not equal exclusion.

Yes it does. Two sides of the same coin.


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