Good Afternoon Gentlemen,
I have never lived with a girlfriend before. That is, until now. We are in the process of moving her into the house where I am currently living. I wanted to find out from those with more experience what I need to be prepared for. I have certainly thought about the big things, and in fact, am going out of my way to make sure that she doesn't feel like she is moving to MY place, but that it is OUR place.
What other nuggets of wisdom do you all have for me? I am very excited about this, and really feel like we are both ready to do this. I just want to be prepared for things that I may not be able to foresee.
I just think if someone thinks a relationship is a prison sentence and they want their own life then why live with someone else?
Don't move in together. Especially if you have "space" issues.
Nope, just don't have dependency issues. Works great being two independent people linked in love, and shared moments while together. It means no jealousy, no fears, no envy, just happiness because we are there for each other and no that we are two people joined, not two halfs of one person. Most relationships I see are so interdependent you dont know where each of them ends or begins. I would never want that.
I thought I'd chime in with my two cents worth. Get married for the following reasons:
- More respectible for both of you. If you love her, you want her respected.
- Legal rigths for each. What if one dies and survivor is not on title/lease/utilities, etc ....
Basically, just do it. I waited way too long to marry my spouse. I was caught up on all the fears associated with getting married. Partially because I come from divorced parents and all the marriages I witnessed in my early to mid twenties seem to be falling apart. We bought a house and lived together for about 4-5 months as the wedding day came. As stated before, marriage is not paradise. But like everything in life, it is what you make of it. Its been the best thing I've ever done in my life. We are both happily together after 12 years, two children and still hot for each other.
I'm glad it worked out for you, Bryant, and I totally agree with your advice. Statistically, living together prior to marriage is not good for a marriage--more of those relationships end in divorce that those who do not co-habit-ate--so I'm glad you and your spouse were able to beat the odds and make your relationship work. I LOVE it when I read things like the last line of your post---you just don't know what it's like until you've "been there/done that"---and I wouldn't trade my marriage for all the world---aside from my relationship with God, it far-and-away is the best thing in my world.
Thanks Todd, one of the things I realize as I get older and more reflective on my life and past is that I dont think I met my soulmate or anything like that. Its just that I matured to the level where I was able to appreciate a girl, love and ready for commitment. I remember I asked my wife to "move in" with me a couple of times. She said no. It was a good call from her. It was just time to move the relationship and my life forward. So we got married.
"As stated before, marriage is not paradise. But like everything in life, it is what you make of it. Its been the best thing I've ever done in my life. We are both happily together after 12 years, two children and still hot for each other."
Bryant, Great continuing story. Thanks for sharing. You are right. marriage is not a paradise but there is certainly a great deal of treasure invested in it. The dividends start paying from the beginning but are compounded after many years. I loved your final comment "and still hot for each other." After 42 plus years of married life, the statement " still hot for each other" was evidenced again this morning as my wife and I "took the money to the bank" as we quite often do each week!!
Man Up and marry her!
Excellent advice....Couldn't have said it better myself.... It is a manly website anyhow ... This is the kind of advice that should be dished out ....