Good Afternoon Gentlemen,
I have never lived with a girlfriend before. That is, until now. We are in the process of moving her into the house where I am currently living. I wanted to find out from those with more experience what I need to be prepared for. I have certainly thought about the big things, and in fact, am going out of my way to make sure that she doesn't feel like she is moving to MY place, but that it is OUR place.
What other nuggets of wisdom do you all have for me? I am very excited about this, and really feel like we are both ready to do this. I just want to be prepared for things that I may not be able to foresee.
OK everyone. Those blood tests were originally about syphilis, and in some jurisdictions, rubella.
The tests were an offshoot of the hygeine and pure food & drug aspects of the "Progressive" era. The primary reason for testing were Public Health fears, with a dash of Eugenics.
These tests antedate the discovery of effective treatment for syphilis and vaccine for Rubella.
Syphilis, since the disease doesn't physically manifest itself for years, causes female infertility, fetal infection [with the disease], and eventually leads to madness. Rubella (German Measles) is linked to a high rate of birth defects, particularly if the woman contracts the disease during the first trimester of a pregnancy.
We still test people for these...when they plan on getting pregnant. I guess back in the day, you got married first before you did that.
My grandmother had Ruebella when she was pregnant, My mother ended up deaf.
When my wife got pegnant they asked if we knew our blood types, because if the parents' RH factors (+ or -) are different, the mother can have difficulties with the pregnancy. At least that was my understanding. Perhaps that has something to do with blood tests for newlyweds.
Advice from someone whose been there? Don't do it unless you're married (whether marriage means a day in church or a day at city hall doesn't matter).
The reason? If she isn't "the one" it will be darn next to impossible (both physically and believe it or not, psychologically) to break up with her. And if she is, when the big day comes you'll feel like you cheated yourself out of something and wished you waited.
I'm gonna go with Nick on this. Get married first. Commit, then commingle assets, living space, and lives ... not the other way around. That way, you don't have to go into this with "yours" and "mine" ... you can just do "ours". And, then it really is "ours", rather than you just pretending it is.
If she's not the one you want to marry, she's not the one to share a home with.
One of the most important things you can learn in life is to do things in the right order. If you get ahead of yourself, you're setting up for failure.
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then marriage is it. Be committed to the marriage first and then to the person. JB is SO right as well as Nick and Todd.
If you are not looking for a long-term relationship, then you are only playing "house."
Remember that just because statistically 1/2 of marriages end in divorce doesn't mean that marriage is broken. But, the people break.
Marriage is for men. Self-sacrificing men.
P.S. These comments made by a man who has been married over 42 years and still working on maintaining his marriage and grateful to be a part of it.
I don't see anything wrong with playing house, and it's cheaper to stop doing so if it doesn't work out.
No lawyers required ;)
...and in fact, am going out of my way to make sure that she doesn't feel like she is moving to MY place, but that it is OUR place.
holy green hell... you folks are jumping to marriage pretty quickly...
Nah. Go as slow as he wants. Just do the marriage thing before the cohabitation thing. Best chance of success.
Statistically, co-habitation no longer correlates to divorce. Want to really decrease your risk of divorce? Live the lifestyle Suburban Sentinel assumes you can afford.