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Seeking Advice from Dads
What sorts of things can a woman do to make it easier for a man to be a great dad?
Tags: advice, fatherhood, parenting, women
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carl Monster on -
That's easy; things my wife does/not does that I love her for:
She doesn't nag me.
She doesn't micromanage what I do (unless I'm in the kitchen trying to cook; then she either takes over or leaves the room)
Keeps her criticism and judgement to a minimum, especially in front of the kids.
Doesn't try to mold me into what she expects of a Dad, not openly anyway.
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on -
Critique don't criticize.
Realize there are many ways to accomplish the same thing and get good outcomes. Just because it's not the way you would do it or the way your family did it doesn't mean its wrong.
Communicate.
Don't second guess his decisions and he shouldn't second guess yours.
Give him time to unwind after work before unloading on him the trouble the kids have gotten into. He should give you the same respect.
Co parent. He's just as important to the children as you are.
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Permalink Reply by David F. on -
Let him have his style. He may not handle the situations in the same way you would. Give him the space to find his style. I remember at one point I was explaining a switch to my 6 month old son explaining electro-motive force. She looked at me and smiled. At that moment I felt both silly, loved and admired. My wife never told me my crooning was wrong, etc... She did show me what worked for her and then let me be.
Realize that the relationship is different. My wife is the number one parent right up until my little guy is scared or hurt. Then all of a sudden I am the one he wants. It can be a bit hard to be number two. But that is life and it is okay. You can't force relationships.
Work as a team.
Also tell him he is doing a good job.
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Permalink Reply by Chris C. on
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Realize he's not your dad, your grandfather or your brother-in-law. He is who HE is.
Present a united front to the children, even if the two of you have to have a knock down, drag out fight about it later in private.
Take some time for yourself, outside of the house, on a regular basis. This lets him spend one-on-one time with the kids, and reduces some of the guilt he will feel when he's out taking time for himself.
And make time for each other, it's harder than it sounds...
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Permalink Reply by Kit the Odd on
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Let him know he is needed and wanted as a dad. Pretty much every man wants to be a hero.
Most men will step up when presented with a challenge or opportunity - make sure he has plenty of those to be a great dad. But make sure can be accepted on his terms, not anyone else's.
I love being asked to be a hero - but I hate being told how to do it. Being told how to do something makes you a sidekick, not a hero. Heroes are allowed to ask for advice if they want, of course, and most the smart ones will.
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Permalink Reply by Experimental Wife on -
That's beautiful! Thank you!
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on
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+too much to count. Tell me what you want done, or how to do it, or when to do it by but not all three. If you do then you're just my boss, not my wife.
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on
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??? deliberate? I meant pick two but not all three. Either way you should get the point.
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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on -
Oh. See, that makes sense. Giving a time but nothing to do doesn't make sense. Smiles.
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Permalink Reply by Paul_of_TX on -
That would be a no win situation. :)
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Permalink Reply by Paul_of_TX on
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Don't send him into no win situations. My wife has a habit of doing this but I can now see them and avoid them. It might be as simple as her asking if I can bring her a snack. I ask what she wants and she says anything. This is a no win situation for me. I'm convinced women do this for the sole purpose of being able to be unhappy with the result no matter what the result is. I could hire some 5 star chef to whip up some awesome and delicious chocolate treat with no calories and no fat and she would somehow not be in the mood for that particular item. I now tell her there is no way for me to bring her something she wants and this in turn upsets her; which is what she apparently wanted.
-this makes my wife sound like a life sucking winch and she is not.
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