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Permalink Reply by Will on July 7, 2012 at 2:20am

If you can puncture it with humor, sure.  But do you have the skill to do it -- as much skill as someone who practices constantly?

I don't know the best solution.  I give out respect instead; people often like it for some reason, or so I imagine.

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Permalink Reply by Vince on July 7, 2012 at 3:13am

Thanks Will, for the answer. Honestly I don't know how to respond with humor. There are charismatic people who are able to block the "hits" and destroy the sarcasm. I believe that people who use sarcasm are weak and with low self-esteem because they use to hit the other look better. I grew up in an environment where jokes so healthy, I do self-humor and I love to joke  but  recently specifically with some people in my new group wherever I go they try to use me as a "punching bag".

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Permalink Reply by Brian Splash on July 7, 2012 at 6:01am

Friends do not do that unless you are tight with them and your rebukes are a banter that have evolved over the years , when people l do not know talk shit to me l respond with " do you kiss your mother with that mouth " and ether ignore them or walk away .

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Permalink Reply by Cullen S. on July 7, 2012 at 8:01am

"Today, kindness and calmness, are often mistaken as a synonym for weakness."

That is sometimes true, and it's a shame, especially when you value making an effort to be kind and calm.   I agree that it's typically best to meet disrespect with respect.  Perhaps acknowledge you heard the comment and then ignore it.  Let your body language show that you're not impressed and that it hasn't shaken your confidence.  If the comments don't stop it is probably best to say something.  Be very direct, but keep your calm demeanor and level of respect.  If this person isn't a friend, just ;eave.  If they are a friend, you will need to be up front with them.  Ultimately who you spend time with and what you put up with are your choice.  Try not to worry so much about what they think.  Just maintain your confident demeanor and stick to your guns.

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Permalink Reply by Native Son on July 7, 2012 at 10:15am

You do not respond with "kindness and calmess".  You respond to unwarranted personal attacks with calmness and dignity, which usually involves calmly "cutting them dead" (in the old-school social sense of the term) without providing explanation.  Essentially the "sarcastic" so-an-so isn't worth the time of day to you.

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Permalink Reply by Vince on July 8, 2012 at 6:00am

For me it's diccult to remain calm in this situations, I feel very angry and sometimes the only thing I do is shut up and leave. My teacher Kick - Boxing taught me to have respect for my opponent, but to spare no hits. This is true in life, this person but also many young males (This has happened in a camp), when we are alone they are very friendly but when we are in a group and they have seen that girls talk more with me. Jostle and try to put aside. Once I reacted badly with a guy because I felt humiliated, by the time I've tried to avoid fighting. I believe that the dignity shouldn't be trampled upon, I think I'll have to learn to have self-control.

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Permalink Reply by Native Son on July 8, 2012 at 12:49pm

That "sarcasm" when the other guys mouth off because the women are chatting more with you than with them ain't sarcasm, that's basic male primate "courting display" behavior.  Humans don't respond to it like other primates.  Most primates respond by immediately berating or beating the bejesus out of the biggest loud mouth.

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Permalink Reply by Vince on July 8, 2012 at 1:16pm

I must point out that this also happened in a dorm-male, in many cases they for fun (and for visibility) affect those who seem more comfortable. For example, in the same room as a guy hit another guy in the testicles with a punch just to make others laugh. Apart from this major event, I realize that to get respect you must be a (perhaps cynical). I will not use force, but I want to be charismatic and confident when I'm "under attack" by silencing these bullies.

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Permalink Reply by Native Son on July 8, 2012 at 1:48pm

Sounds like a frat house I knew of back when I was an undergraduate.

Charisma ain't gonna help.  Anyhow, you really don't want this sort for intimates anyway.  Maybe in a couple of years when they've grown up a touch, but not now.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Rory Ivanoff on July 8, 2012 at 8:48am

I have a good friend who is VERY sarcastic. Often, I just ignore it. Occasionally though I make it point to tell him that "Sarcasm is generally the refuge of those with little self-esteem, and those who have nothing of value to say."

He got upset the first couple of times,and I remained calm and told him I think he's way too smart and talented to act like such a D-bag. He's slowly changing it.

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Permalink Reply by Josh on July 8, 2012 at 5:07pm

If someone is bothering you, I find there's very few times an icy stare won't shut them up. It's not good if it's a group, because they feed off of each other.

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Permalink Reply by Native Son on July 8, 2012 at 5:25pm

That's why the old time western "Town Tamer" marshalls tried to identify the real troublemaker (threat) in a hostile group.  The ideal tactic was to make it personal for that guy.  Neutralize him, neutralize the group.  Of course, the late 19th century west did feature very good odds of "being shot to doll rags when the ball opened" when it got one on one personal.

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