I've been with this girl for 14 months. She moved in with me and my family to get away from her abusive / neglectful family. We took her in and provided for her the things her family wouldn't even consider. My entire family took to her, which makes this quite a bit harder. Since the day we started dating, we've argued nonstop but when we weren't arguing, we were having amazing times and I still have painful memories of those times. We both had faults; mine being impatience and unnecessary anger. Hers was the immaturity (pouting, ignoring, etc.), arguing (she would never back down, even if she knew she was wrong), and other things.

 

Anyways, she left today. It was pretty much a mutual decision. I wanted to work things out and love her more than anything but it was time to move on. She decided she couldn't change and that we weren't working out. After a very painful goodbye, I find out an hour later (I do a little too much investigating for my own good) that she's ALREADY trying to live with some other dude that she met over the internet years ago. This is good since it makes it easier for me not to regret breaking up. It's bad in I don't want her to get her, physically or emotionally.

 

 

But all is done. We are apart and EVERYTHING reminds me of her. I walk into my room and automatically I'm depressed. Every song, show, pictures, EVERYTHING reminds me of her. I know I can't go back to her no matter how much I care. Its not even been a day but I still have a feeling that this will go on for quite some time.

 

 

So, please, tell me how YOU got over someone you really cared about? How did you end it with dignity and how should I act about her trying to live with a stranger? I'm definitely jealous but I don't want that to surface anymore but now its beyond that.. I'm actually concerned for her safety and well-being but I can't start to re-attach.

 

Any advice would be appreciated and thanks in advance.

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For the time being, get angry, cry, listen to music that reminds you. It is going to hurt no matter what. Embrace it for a week or so, don't fight it. Allow yourself some time to deal with it, then set a schedule of what you want to change and improve about yourself and focus your energy there. As you improve, as you work towards those goals you will find yourself over her and ready to move on.

Your words remind me exactly of this song. Sometimes a sad song is healing.

Feeling this way happens after breakups. I know it did for me. In terms of hard advice, one thing you have to realize is that she's an adult and will make her own decisions. You're just not used to not being a part of her decision-making process. The most you can do is express to her that you think she's on a bad path. Well, I wouldn't even recommend that, because coming from a recently-broken-up-with-ex-boyfriend, it won't carry much weight at all.

Keep your distance, get rid of the most egregious reminders, and the most important factor: time. You feel horrible now, but you'll feel better in a few months. 

Good tips so far. And I have found that handling the emotions head on as opposed to fighting them has truly helped. That, and as others said, time. It's still just hard to let it be when we've been through so much and shared so much. I think the fact that she's trying to live with a total stranger is whats getting to me the most but I can't do anything about it. I appreciate the insights so far though.

Sorry to hear about your hurt, Bud.

It sounds as though this relationship was doomed from the start. From what you have said about her past, she is likely to have entered your life with problems that needed to be resolved before she was ready for a relationship, and from other comments, it sounds like both of you had some room to grow before either of you was ready.

There's not too much point in being jealous. I understand why you might be concerned for her well-being: she rushed into another relationship she's not ready for. Chances are it's just as doomed as the last one. Pity them both. The other young man has gotten nothing from you but a ticking time-bomb situation that will lead to another heartache.

As a stop-gap measure, spend more time with family and friends, spend time in your favorite activities that don't remind you of her, actively seek out some opportunities for fun and laughter, and, when you feel ready to do so, have a little ceremony to put her momentos away, perhaps with a little kiss, blessing the memories. You might want to have the support of a friend with you while you do it.

Don't suppress your emotions; release them when they have served their purpose. And don't waste the experience: grow from it.

I wish I could spare you this pain, Bud, but I can't, because ALL relationships end. Even functional, life-long relationships end with the end of life-journeys. That doesn't have to be as sad as it sounds, though, because you can love over time and space and separation. Memories of those we've had to say our last good-byes to can bring smiles, instead of tears, if you let them.
It's the LOSS that hurts, NOT the love. Love doesn't hurt; love HEALS.

+1 response.  Wow, Rob...your advice is spot on.  You have great insight.

Good job!!

As many have said: Embrace the hurt. I've come from a long and painful relationship and somehow I did not let it affect me much. It was so very wrong....  Allow yourself to be miserable and angry. Be angry at the situation. Do whatever feels right doing (as long as it doesn't hurt others) but embrace the hurt. It's good.....

This too shall pass...

Best of luck to you Logan

I appreciate all the advice and Rob you hit the nail on the head.

 

It's been a day and it's slightly better. The biggest problem, as my mom even put it, is that she's a habit. Waking up and not seeing her is really hard, as is going to sleep without having her to check in.

 

I can't even watch netflix right now because we watched so many shows and movies on there that I literally feel weird trying to watch anything without her here; same goes to gaming... pretty sad but I can't help it.

 

I think getting out more and enjoying the world more and remembering the relationship for what it WAS, not just the beautiful parts of it, will help. Thanks again, guys.

I can't even watch netflix right now because we watched so many shows and movies on there that I literally feel weird trying to watch anything without her here; same goes to gaming... pretty sad but I can't help it.

I'm glad to hear you came to that conclusion, because those are not the best kinds of activities to pursue after an emotional trauma.

I think getting out more and enjoying the world more

That's right. Get out, and spend time with your family and friends, and give them your attention. Get out of your own head for a while. It will be a relief, and it will stop you from brooding over things in an unhelpful frame of mind. BTW, friends might try to help, or not, and they might give good advice, or not so good. Thank them but don't think about it too much.

Set a firm intention to allow your UNCONSCIOUS mind to sort this out for you, and then LET IT GO. Your unconscious mind can sort things out without any emotional trauma. Let it do its job; this is something it's good at.

First, nothing will make it go away quickly. If you were someone who could get over her in a day, you'd be someone who didn't love deeply.  Celebrate the way you miss her -- and hope you don't lose that loving nature.

Because I think you will.  It's inevitable, the more women come in and out of your life.  I think the way to preserve that loving nature is to tell yourself:  I will not so quickly get so deep in with someone I don't know well.  When you know her and love her enough to marry her, then it's time to get that close. Till then, I hope your heart keeps its stick-y ness, that is, its willingness to connect and care.

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